The Sagas....According to Chris....

[LordCustos3]

ABL brought up an thought-provoking idea.

chapters = Sagas

Actually, Marvin and I were just now discussing this very idea. I think Chris may actually view his life in the form of "sagas" similar to how we do; I'm sure he has completely different demarcation points, but I think the general idea is the same. I want to find out what those are.

So....if this is true....
How does Da Graet Direcktor Chandler, OmniFuhrer of CWCville, spin the Sagas?
What would be the propagandistic (re)version of the Saga Timeline?
Would he merely have a weirdly skewed Faux-News-We-Love-Big-Brother version of the Sagas....or does he see a completely different set of Sagas?

Discuss.

 

[MayMay]

Hard to tell, though some of them will probably be viewed in a more literal manner.
Like that there really was a fan that commit suicide due to lack of sonichu (wow, such power) or there really were people believing he was an imposter... He probably also views them in a very grandiose manner as some literal HELLISH TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS rather than a bunch of people fucking around with a gullible fool.

 

[_blank_]

I'm going to be incredibly boring and unimaginative here and say these 8 chapters were just semesters for Chris. In case it's different for some of our non-US posters, the school year in the US is broken up between fall and spring semesters. I bet Chris was trying to be captain melodrama, used "chapter" (also probably forgot the word "semester") so he could use the line "book of my life."

As for actual Sagas, I figure Chris considers his Sagas to be as such:
1) Everything before High School
2) High School
3) Everything after High School and Before he found the ED Page
4) Chris' Super Fantastic Downward Spiral
5) Death Lied Saga
6) The Pity Me Phase
7) And we are just now embarking on the "High School Was a Lie" Saga

 

[Tubular Monkey]

The passage of time, and the events that transpire within certain time frames are hazy and nebulous to Chris at the best of times. For someone who can be so oddly specific about inconsequential details (8 chapters), I think his own perception of life is blurry at best. Something something something ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PIZZA PARTY... something something something PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH I HAD ON MARCH 11, 1992... something something something... POKEMAN... something something something... GALPALS HIGH SCHOOL THINGS GOOD YES ENJOY... something something something... INNERNET SWEETHEARTS... etc.

There's no coherent theme to him. Just random events that form no pattern and tell no story. Chapters, indeed! Bah!

 

[The Knife]

1) I AM BORN
2) The Silent Years
3) The Greene County Conspiracy
4) My High School Years; or, the Best Time In My Life Ever LIES LIES AND MORE LIES
5) PVCC, Megan, and Other Things That Looked Really Good at the Time
6) My Love Quest
7) The Rise of the Trolls
The Final Shattering and Steel-Plating/Flattening of My Heart

 

[BillRiley]

I think Chris' "Eight Chapters torn right from the middle of the book of my life..." remark was merely a bungled attempt too reach for a metaphor. Probably he heard or read something similar and liked the idea enough to try imitating it. (Original Idea - DO NOT STEAL!)

Rather, I think Chris divides up his life pretty much like everyone else - into a series of (often misremembered) stories that form a sort of personal narrative. They're pretty easy to find in the voluminous amount of material that's been collected in the Cwcki. The first of these is one I like to call, "Monkey" and the Miracle Baby From Heaven:

At age six weeks, I started...the sound of laughter which is my...when I start talking. Now, my first word was 'monkey', and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the Best Products store in Charlottesville many, many years ago. Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in 1982. [sigh] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said "monkey"[baby talk voice]. An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "Was that your son?", and my mom said, "Yup, that was my son". Ahh... she didn't say anything she was just shocked.
~15 May 1998

This is probably one of Barb's stories that Chris has adopted into what I suppose he considers his 'origin story'. And he'll repeat it ad nauseam to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. Lots of people have this kind of story, though they're usually not quite as stupid. Anyroad, a more recent story Chris seems to have made up I call, The Bitch, the Witch and the (Jew)Bastard:

I have just vented past frustrations from my life to figure out the root of what happend yesterday. It all definitely was Mary Lee Walsh, Megan Schroeder AND Michael Snyder who made me worse off than I was after Graduation.



~Facebook - Sept 3, 2013

Since the motivations of other people are pretty much a mystery to him, I regard this story as a feeble attempt to make sense of the grief Chris has gotten himself into post-high school. He has lots of other stories, the "No-Good Very-Bad High School Graduation" story, the "Greene County Conspiracy" story, etc etc. They're all pretty common, just filtered and embellished through Chris' and Borb's bizarre points of view.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

At age six weeks, I started...the sound of laughter which is my...when I start talking. Now, my first word was 'monkey', and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the Best Products store in Charlottesville many, many years ago. Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in 1982. [sigh] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said "monkey"[baby talk voice]. An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "Was that your son?", and my mom said, "Yup, that was my son". Ahh... she didn't say anything she was just shocked.
~15 May 1998

This is probably one of Barb's stories that Chris has adopted into what I suppose he considers his 'origin story'. And he'll repeat it ad nauseam to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. Lots of people have this kind of story, though they're usually not quite as stupid.

That story has always been so ridiculous. Ignoring for the moment that a 6-week-old infant has developed neither the brain to understand speech, nor the motor control to form words with its mouth... what's he accomplished since then?

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

At age six weeks, I started...the sound of laughter which is my...when I start talking. Now, my first word was 'monkey', and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the Best Products store in Charlottesville many, many years ago. Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in 1982. [sigh] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said "monkey"[baby talk voice]. An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "Was that your son?", and my mom said, "Yup, that was my son". Ahh... she didn't say anything she was just shocked.
~15 May 1998

This is probably one of Barb's stories that Chris has adopted into what I suppose he considers his 'origin story'. And he'll repeat it ad nauseam to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. Lots of people have this kind of story, though they're usually not quite as stupid.

That story has always been so ridiculous. Ignoring for the moment that a 6-week-old infant has developed neither the brain to understand speech, nor the motor control to form words with its mouth... what's he accomplished since then?

He survived the Mighty Wings.

 

[BillRiley]

At age six weeks, I started...the sound of laughter which is my...when I start talking. Now, my first word was 'monkey', and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the Best Products store in Charlottesville many, many years ago. Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in 1982. [sigh] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said "monkey"[baby talk voice]. An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "Was that your son?", and my mom said, "Yup, that was my son". Ahh... she didn't say anything she was just shocked.
~15 May 1998

This is probably one of Barb's stories that Chris has adopted into what I suppose he considers his 'origin story'. And he'll repeat it ad nauseam to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. Lots of people have this kind of story, though they're usually not quite as stupid.

That story has always been so ridiculous. Ignoring for the moment that a 6-week-old infant has developed neither the brain to understand speech, nor the motor control to form words with its mouth... what's he accomplished since then?

Haven't you heard the rumor? He changed his name, created Sonichu and danced with Tiffany Gowen at the prom. YOU WISH YOU WERE HIM!

 

[pickleniggo]

At age six weeks, I started...the sound of laughter which is my...when I start talking. Now, my first word was 'monkey', and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the Best Products store in Charlottesville many, many years ago. Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in 1982. [sigh] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said "monkey"[baby talk voice]. An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "Was that your son?", and my mom said, "Yup, that was my son". Ahh... she didn't say anything she was just shocked.
~15 May 1998

This is probably one of Barb's stories that Chris has adopted into what I suppose he considers his 'origin story'. And he'll repeat it ad nauseam to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. Lots of people have this kind of story, though they're usually not quite as stupid.

That story has always been so ridiculous. Ignoring for the moment that a 6-week-old infant has developed neither the brain to understand speech, nor the motor control to form words with its mouth... what's he accomplished since then?

Also, who shops with an infant in their arms?

 

[Tubular Monkey]

He survived the Mighty Wings.

I've heard that even that is a myth. Word is spreading around the internets that Chris actually died eating the Boldy Spicy Wings, and that what you've been seeing lately, including that transsexual LEGO video, has been an impostor cashing in on Chris's Once Good Name.

R.I.P. Adult Chris. May you enjoy Limbo along with Bob, Patti, and childhood Christopher Chandler.

 

[Francine StripeCheer]

Didn't he tell Jackie that he had to read the CWCki to remember some bits of his life?

 

[Stuff and Things]

Didn't he tell Jackie that he had to read the CWCki to remember some bits of his life?

Yeah, it's well known that chris lurks in the cwcki and the forums just to see what are people saying about him... and of course, to remember things about his life, like, we started talking about megan and the sailor moon dvd's, and then chris tardrages on fb about megan and the sailor moon dvd's...

 

[timtommy]

Yeah, it's well known that chris lurks in the cwcki and the forums just to see what are people saying about him... and of course, to remember things about his life, like, we started talking about megan and the sailor moon dvd's, and then chris tardrages on fb about megan and the sailor moon dvd's...

It doesn't strike me as weird that parts of his life come in and out of his memory. We all have moments where we say "Oh yeah, I forgot completely about that. Neat".

If I had a wiki about me, I would read it. I am sure if it was as detailed as the CWCki there would be things on it I had forgotten.

The weird part is that he can all of a sudden be so upset/angry about something he had forgotten. Most people would think that if they forgot about something it was a sign it wasn't a big deal. Chris ... operates a little differently.