The Smartest &/or Dumbest Lolcows

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ChurchOfGodBear

ChurchOfGodBear

He's just this guy, you know?
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
The majority of lolcows are dumb as shit, I think we all know this. However, I've thought of compiling a list of cows who have shown at least a basic level of intelligence... namely that, once discovering their thread on the Kiwi Farms, they realize it's better to just close the browser window and walk away than to keep fighting. This isn't to say that the "smart" lolcows are actually smart, they just appear to be so when graded on a curve. So, just to start us off:

The Smart Ones:
Brad Watson Miami
ScarlettJusticeWitch

Experienced (Dropped in, Been gone for a while, expected to return):
Chris
ADF

Total Dumbshits:
TJChurch
 
Add Holden to the TD list.

He has over 10,000 posts. He's the second most-prolific poster here, and he got there faster than anyone. I'm not sure if a single post of his has an aggregate positive rating. If he showed his face at ED, he'd end up with his own CWCki.
 
Len as one of the dumbest dipshits I've ever seen both online and irl.

Kengle is actually smarter than he looks but his Aspergers really holds him back. He tries too hard to get attention but never posts anything that would incriminate him that much.

Andrew Dobson I'd classify as being dumb and smug as hell. Dsp same thing.
 
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The Amazing Atheist is probably one of the most charismatic and smart, even though he's full of himself.
Mr Enter is also pretty smart and knowledgeable, albeit delusional.
 
MadThad and Nick Bate have to be among some of the stupidest lolcows, for practically admitting their heinous crimes on social media. Most pedophiles want to appear trusted and friendly. Like they're the last person you would suspect of molesting a child. These guys can't even do that right.

Augustus Sol is probably one of the more smarter lolcows, although I think he's a classic case of thinking you're way smarter than you actually are.
 
The Golden Knight could fit under either TD or experienced. On one hand he's a highly delusional scumbag who thinks his MS-paint scribbles will make him money. On the other, he successfully erased much of his legacy and he stopped giving us reason to pay attention to his.

@Connor Bible would be at home under TD. His stubbornness and pride damns him time and time again. Yet he remains worryingly oblivious to these faults.

Abethedemon said:
Mr Enter is also pretty smart and knowledgeable, albeit delusional.
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Going by what I've seen, Enter has a very superficial understanding of the medium of animation. He knows some stuff about cartoons, but he's too dumb to realize that having that knowledge isn't going to do his college drop-out ass any favors.
 
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@Moleman9000 can be tagged under an experienced lolcow, possibly a tentative total dumbshit. On one hand, he has the intelligence to drop off the face of the Internet and make us forget him. On the other hand, he has a tendency to come back and do the exact same autistic shit he did before, making us remember everything that he's said before, essentially negating all the stuff we've forgotten about.

Anyone remember Peter Coffin? I have no idea where to put this guy. On one hand, he did take everyone for a :ruse: and get some mild attention out of it because of his real doll wife fiasco thing, but on the other hand... he's basically gotten attention for being a complete and total idiot who thinks he's famous for being anything but a complete and total idiot. If there was an "Oblivious" ranking then he'd fall right in line there.

Also, proposal to put Jace and the rest of Deagle Nation on the pedestal of verified Commanding Officers of the US Division of Lolcowery and Street Racing.
 
Total Dumbshits include @Holden, @The_Knight_Rider, @Cowlick, Nick Bate, MadThad, @zrm/MRZ, any of the SlutHaters, @lookismadmin, and @StraySheep

Experienced lolcows are @eon/Vade, @Connor Bible, Anita Sarkeesian, Animated James, and most SJWs

Enter and Amazing Atheist are probably two of the few lolcows that are not total dumbasses though.
 
I don't think Anita Sarkeesian is a cow at all. Sarkeesian is a goddamn menace to humanity.
 
Abethedemon said:
Mr Enter is also pretty smart and knowledgeable, albeit delusional.
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You're kidding, right?

On the plus side, he has enough sense to not go on the Kiwi Farms and make an ass out of himself.

Sophie LaBelle also seems to have enough common sense not to come on the forum, though I'm not sure she even knows we exist.
 
I'll make a little tier list I guess, the better the tier the smarter the cow (obviously).

~ 'Pretty Cool Guy' Tier ~

Pad Man - Nice dude, hardly a cow but I need something to justify this tier. Remember kids, no matter weird as fuck your hobby is, people won't troll you unless you act like a spastic. Also he's apparently a fully-recovered cow so good on her.

Pamperchu - Similar to Pad Man, but a wee bit grosser.

~ 'Stupid, But Not Totally Retarded' Tier ~

Pretty Much Every 'Gamergate' Media Whore - Don't get me wrong their views and general 'tumblr-ness' is fucking awful, but unlike most cows they actually pass as normal people. Also a complete retard can't manipulate the media as well as they have so there's that.

~ 'Fucking Stupid' Tier ~

Dobson - At least he's motivated me to become a better artist. All-around quintessential DA manchild, but at least he won't run into traffic.

Good ol' CWC - Back in the golden days, he would easily be dead last but his relatively newfound self-awareness and habit of staying in his hugbox bumps him up a tad. Of course that's countered by, well just about fucking everything he's done these last few years or so.

~'Surprised They Haven't Forgotten to Breath' Tier' ~
DSP - I'm just shocked he's still finding ways to live off of Youtube. I'd bump him up solely for that but I think it's just him being the world's luckiest vegetable more than anything else.

MadThad - There's no recovering from naming your folder filled kiddie porn 'CP' and bragging about it on Facebook. None.

Nick Bate - I don't really wanna think about him anymore than I have to. I don't need to explain anything really, we all know.

I just realized I can't think of any more I'm adequately familiar with, fuck.
 
YiffSoldier420 said:
I'll make a little tier list I guess, the better the tier the smarter the cow (obviously).

~ 'Pretty Cool Guy' Tier ~

Pad Man - Nice dude, hardly a cow but I need something to justify this tier. Remember kids, no matter weird as fuck your hobby is, people won't troll you unless you act like a spastic. Also he's apparently a fully-recovered cow so good on her.

Pamperchu - Similar to Pad Man, but a wee bit grosser.

~ 'Stupid, But Not Totally Retarded' Tier ~

Pretty Much Every 'Gamergate' Media Whore - Don't get me wrong their views and general 'tumblr-ness' is fucking awful, but unlike most cows they actually pass as normal people. Also a complete exceptional individual can't manipulate the media as well as they have so there's that.

~ 'Fucking Stupid' Tier ~

Dobson - At least he's motivated me to become a better artist. All-around quintessential DA manchild, but at least he won't run into traffic.

Good ol' CWC - Back in the golden days, he would easily be dead last but his relatively newfound self-awareness and habit of staying in his hugbox bumps him up a tad. Of course that's countered by, well just about fucking everything he's done these last few years or so.

~'Surprised They Haven't Forgotten to Breath' Tier' ~
DSP - I'm just shocked he's still finding ways to live off of Youtube. I'd bump him up solely for that but I think it's just him being the world's luckiest vegetable more than anything else.

MadThad - There's no recovering from naming your folder filled kiddie porn 'CP' and bragging about it on Facebook. None.

Nick Bate - I don't really wanna think about him anymore than I have to. I don't need to explain anything really, we all know.

I just realized I can't think of any more I'm adequately familiar with, fuck.
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I'd put Shaner and @Holden/Marjan Siklic in the 'Surprised They Haven't Forgotten to Breathe' Tier.
 
DirkBloodStormKing said:
I'd put Shaner and @Holden/Marjan Siklic in the 'Surprised They Haven't Forgotten to Breathe' Tier.
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I put Shaner in a category dead last, by himself. Remember, Chris isn't terribly quick on the uptake, but after 30 years on the planet, has managed to get his shit somewhat together, at least more than previously. Meanwhile, Shaner is goddamn near 50 and still a complete, absolute mong.

I'm amazed Shaner hasn't managed to get run over by a completely stationary train or died from eating a rock.
 
AnOminous said:
I put Shaner in a category dead last, by himself. Remember, Chris isn't terribly quick on the uptake, but after 30 years on the planet, has managed to get his shit somewhat together, at least more than previously. Meanwhile, Shaner is goddamn near 50 and still a complete, absolute mong.

I'm amazed Shaner hasn't managed to get run over by a completely stationary train or died from eating a rock.
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Good point. If fucking Chris-chan can get his shit together better than you can, that's a fucking problem.
 
1] Curious what it means to be classified as a "Total Dumbshit" by the person who may be the original reason they created the phrase/term.

2] Wondering why the other category this creature uses has nothing to do with intelligence, but rather people who are "experienced" at something that proves lack of much of a worthwhile life & requires absolutely no intellect to do.

3] Curious why this is soon followed by one member claiming another "has enough sense to not go on the Kiwi Farms and make an ass out of himself," when one would think this takes no sense, & that most seem to lack the sense to realize when posting that doing this (which they are doing when they type) is a clearly-sense-lacking act in the popular opinion of other members.
 
Cowlick said:
1] Curious what it means to be classified as a "Total Dumbshit" by the person who may be the original reason they created the phrase/term.

2] Wondering why the other category this creature uses has nothing to do with intelligence, but rather people who are "experienced" at something that proves lack of much of a worthwhile life & requires absolutely no intellect to do.

3] Curious why this is soon followed by one member claiming another "has enough sense to not go on the Kiwi Farms and make an ass out of himself," when one would think this takes no sense, & that most seem to lack the sense to realize when posting that doing this (which they are doing when they type) is a clearly-sense-lacking act in the popular opinion of other members.
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1) Would you prefer the term "Hopelessly Incompetent" or "Eternally Oblivious?"

2) I wouldn't say it makes you intelligent, but I would assume that anyone would be smart enough to engage people that are laughing at them by... not giving them more reasons to laugh at them. You should look at @Cowlick. He's the textbook definition of how not to approach people who make a topic dedicated to discussing you.

3) I... uhhh... cannot fathom what you were trying to say at all... so I'll just refer back to point 2.
 
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