The Unofficial Kiwi Poorfag Resource Thread - share recipes and resources for your area (both government and personal) here

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

You don't have to cook dried pasta and noodles. If you let it soak in water it will absorb it but it takes a couple of hours and they're edible. The same can not be said for potatoes.

 

[Al from Dadeville]

You can use a heat lamp to keep you warm if heating your entire house is a problem. Use it in the area you are spending time in (ie in the bathroom or one pointed at the back of your neck when you sit on the couch) because it’s radiant heat so it will warm your skin instead of trying to heat up an entire room. Plus it’s 125W or 250W instead of a 1500W heater.
Don’t leave that shit plugged in when you aren’t in the same room.

 

[习近平新时代中国特色社会主义思想]

Wild pangolins are edible.

 

[doodoocaca]

Assuming you want to live to 100, the one thing in common in their diets is that they eat beans, which are also cheap as fuck. Eggs are also (usually) cheap as fuck and seem to be one of the best foods for muscle growth there are. Rice is also cheap and a good carbohydrate but if you're sedentary you don't really need to worry about carbs, unless it's cold as hell.

Frozen chopped broccoli is generally dirt cheap. Not fancy but if you don't over cook it and season it, it's great for the price. Excepting saffron and cardamom, spices are cheap. Onion and garlic powders are amazing things, a little salt goes a long way, and thyme is always inoffensive. Get some pepper and hot sauce too, duh.

If you're not taking walks on a regular basis you're fucking yourself in the long run. If your posture is shit, fix it now, before you get a troon hunch. Actually take flexibility and strength seriously when you're young, and if you're not, do it harder. You're not going to be dead by 30, or even 40 unless you're a literal landwhale, and you really should try to not be.

We've all seen those 90+ year old asian people with perfect posture on a walk at 6am who do tai chi and mug people half their age for their lunch money. I'd rather age that way.

Learn how to let go of bullshit so you don't mentally break. Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect, so start now.

 

[Lichen Bark]

Don't know if anyone's mentioned this before, but:

Tuna Tomato Spaghetti
1- Can/ half a can of diced tomatoes
2- Box of spaghetti
3- 2-3 cans of tuna

Cook down the tomatoes for about 10-15 mins on low-medium heat (add water if necessary). Toss in the tuna directly from the can, without draining the oil, and cook for 5-6 mins on low heat (doing it longer turns the tuna a bit too dry/ pungent for me). Have your spaghetti boiling at the same time you're doing the prep so you can toss the tuna-tomato mix in the pot after it's done. The grease from the tuna is enough that I don't need to add any other kind of oil. Add whatever spices/ herbs you have. Dried oregano goes great with this. Be careful with salt/ salt mixes like garlic salt if your canned tuna is salted (it usually is in my area).

Tip for those new to cooking: pour the sauce into the pot first, then put the spaghetti on top. This actually makes for easier mixing.

Adjust the amounts you use depending on how many people you cook for. This whole thing will last one person for up to 3 days in the fridge (but no longer than that, don't risk food poisoning). It's tasty if you like fish and incredibly filling.

If you have some garlic lying around slice it up thin, and then put it in the pan first with some oil. (I do add some salt in with the garlic, I don't use much tuna) You need to toast the garlic on a gentle medium heat, to where it's just starting to brown, but not brown too much, or it can get bitter, then add your tomatoes/spices (usually pepper). This stops the garlic from cooking more. Simmer this in the pan while you make your pasta. If the tinned tomatoes are more really tart then add some kind of sugar to counteract it. I usually add my tuna at the end, just enough time to heat it up. I was really shocked how good a simple sauce can taste if you just toasted some garlic as a first step. Even if you don't have tuna, this simple sauce really works. It's my go to if I don't know what to have. I'm not sure if I was just imagining it, but I did get the seafood pasta vibe from cooking this.

 

[std::string]

If you're not taking walks on a regular basis you're fucking yourself in the long run. If your posture is shit, fix it now, before you get a troon hunch. Actually take flexibility and strength seriously when you're young, and if you're not, do it harder. You're not going to be dead by 30, or even 40 unless you're a literal landwhale, and you really should try to not be.

You don't even really have to go that hard with it, either. Eight Brocades Qigong plus a couple simple bodyweight exercises (squats, arm raises, etc.) can be shoved into like 15 minutes of your morning.

I am constantly shocked at how sedentary my patients are. When you spend your life ponderously ambulating between the couch and the fridge it's no fucking wonder your body is breaking down and you have no balance.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

If you have some garlic lying around slice it up thin, and then put it in the pan first with some oil. (I do add some salt in with the garlic, I don't use much tuna) You need to toast the garlic on a gentle medium heat, to where it's just starting to brown, but not brown too much, or it can get bitter, then add your tomatoes/spices (usually pepper). This stops the garlic from cooking more. Simmer this in the pan while you make your pasta. If the tinned tomatoes are more really tart then add some kind of sugar to counteract it. I usually add my tuna at the end, just enough time to heat it up. I was really shocked how good a simple sauce can taste if you just toasted some garlic as a first step. Even if you don't have tuna, this simple sauce really works. It's my go to if I don't know what to have. I'm not sure if I was just imagining it, but I did get the seafood pasta vibe from cooking this.

An alternative to the sugar is grated or finely diced carrots. That's what I prefer. They're dirt cheap and can be used for so many things, even if you don't like carrots you should give it a shot.
When baking bread or a sponge cake or muffins, finely grate an appropriate amount of carrot and put it in the dough/batter. You will be able to see specks of orange when baked but you won't taste it or feel the texture. This makes baked goods stay moist longer and that's the entire purpose of doing it.

Assuming you want to live to 100, the one thing in common in their diets is that they eat beans, which are also cheap as fuck. Eggs are also (usually) cheap as fuck and seem to be one of the best foods for muscle growth there are. Rice is also cheap and a good carbohydrate but if you're sedentary you don't really need to worry about carbs, unless it's cold as hell.

Just an addition, if you want to live a long time without expensive super-doctors don't get tall. You rarely see very tall people that are 90+ years old. These day there's lupron but traditionally malnutrition and starvation during puberty made people short.

Related to that, if you're in a hurry at the store choose the line that contains the most tall people even if that line is a bit longer. If you're really lucky you will hit the line with only young tall dudes and all of them are just buying a monster energy and a banana for lunch. The line with shorter people will contain more old people and women.

Learn how to let go of bullshit so you don't mentally break. Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect, so start now.

Disagree, for the right person spite can be the fuel that enables them to achieve a good posture, take walks, work out, go to the doctor regularly, improve themselves and then eat the eggs. One day you might be able to dance on someones grave but it won't happen if you get really fat and fall into an insulin coma because you're sloppy.
Over the time the spite will peel off as memory fades but the routine stays.

 

[doodoocaca]

You don't even really have to go that hard with it, either. Eight Brocades Qigong plus a couple simple bodyweight exercises (squats, arm raises, etc.) can be shoved into like 15 minutes of your morning.

I am constantly shocked at how sedentary my patients are. When you spend your life ponderously ambulating between the couch and the fridge it's no fucking wonder your body is breaking down and you have no balance.

I mention walks in particular since our sedentary bullshit makes us lack baseline cardio that walking builds and people need to do it.

The military and professional sports trainers have remarked that people who just never walk can't recover from high intensity work. HIIT is great and all, but if you're never walking, you'll sprint real fast once or twice, then stay gassed out. Meanwhile, people who walk the fuck around or do endurance sports can actually do it several more times.

Also I looked up that Bagua stuff and this Chinese MILF lady beats the pants off of the marshmallow boomers and gen xers we're cultivating.

8 Brocades Qigong Practice

This is the qigong practice of the 8 Brocades, or Baduanjin. Regular practice is believed to improve organ function and overall wellbeing. It was filmed in B...

www.youtube.com

There's plenty of woo but movement is movement.

 

[Bloitzhole]

When you get to a point where you are trying to meet your caloric needs as cheaply and quickly as possible or you need some sort of filler in general because you are losing weight / trying to bulk - microwave popcorn almost cannot be beat.
A pound of it will usually be less than 1.5€/1.5$ and provide you with about 1850 calories as well as plenty of fiber. It's also easy to bring and a lot of workplaces have microwaves. Does have a bit of protein (usually around 10-12%) to it, which is why amongst all the "junk" foods, I consider it the least "junk".
If one day things get really tough, I know I'll just be eating microwave popcorn and chugging 2 protein shakes with a multivitamin tablet.

 

[TooManyKittens]

Craft fag and some general shit..... this is more aimed at the housed but lower income than the homeless level poverty though.

1. Rit dye is crap. Get procion mx if you can. Brand name is not required. Dharma trading is one place to order and their brand is fine. This really only matters if you need whatever it is to last more than a wear or two.

2. Sams club doesn't even take photos anymore on their cards and it's two cards per account. If you have a friend who has an account, you might be able to have them get the 2nd card or even just borrow theirs. With self checkout they genuinely give no fucks and if you need to buy something in bulk it can be really cost saving. I have for years been listed as a household member to someone who is just a friend. Their work pays for their membership and I just happen to ride along for free. (Conversely if you have a membership and spare card and a poor friend as long as its not the credit card just the membership this costs you literally nothing but the time to add them)

Costco gives all the fucks, this will not work.
Usual caveats of bulk buying apply.

3. However at least in some states Costco pharmacy by law cannot require a membership. Use good rx and if Costco has the best price on your medication odds are good you can use them anyways. You won't be able to get anything else there but I have totally used it to save myself 30 dollars a month on a script.

4. You cannot safely can in glass mayo, pickle, etc jars. There is nothing stopping you however from washing with your dishes and reusing for shelf stable items. I have a big pickle jar from I dont even know where I put my vinegar in to add lemon or orange peels. Half my dry goods are in mismatched glass jars with a silica gel packet thrown in. For what you lose in looks you gain in non plastic (other than lid if its not metal) storage for the cost of what you already paid. Match matchy new shit is for rich housewives. Fuck removing the labels. Its time intensive and bothersome. Sharpie that shit on top or put a cheap label on it. Alcohol removes sharpie from lids or glass. Good choices have lids that really screw on (usually mayo, pickles, shir you are expected to not use in a few days), poor choices are single half thread or latch style lids they wont reclose right (most fancy drinks, spaghetti sauces, etc.) This obviously only matters if you need containers.

5. Dawn dish soap will get a shit ton of oil or grease stains out of clothes. Put the normal blue stuff right on it and let sit for a while then wash it. I have saved some nice shit this way.

6. This may be local to me but for whatever fucking reason our hardware stores sell bulk cleaner concentrate. If you *read the directions* and dilute it down you what you would buy in a spray bottle you spend like $16 to 20 up front for an absurd fucking number of refills. Half the cost of a spray cleaner is the damn spray bottle and water they're selling you. Reuse a spray bottle and add your own water.

7. Learn basic embroidery in addition to sewing if you want to mend women's clothes. Yes some "visible mending" looks right out of the 1970s and terrible. It can however be done well and not kitschy in some cases. I got a free merino wool cardigan that had 3 tiny holes. The two on a pocket I embroidered over with simple but tasteful designs. Most people assume it came with the embroidery on it. Doing it by hand is more durable and cheaper than ironing a patch on. (And less ugly imo in most cases).

8. Got a nice dry clean only item? Fuck dry cleaners and their cost unless you absolutely have to. Double check the fiber content and do some Google searching. Wool is washable, by hand if you do a little research into how to do it correctly. Some silk is (not all. Texture and fit can change if its never seen water). I dont buy anything that's really dry clean only but I often snag thrifts for items that I damn well know the tag is lying and I can wash it myself.

 

[Freshly Baked Socks]

4. You cannot safely can in glass mayo, pickle, etc jars. ... poor choices are single half thread or latch style lids they wont reclose right (most fancy drinks, spaghetti sauces, etc.) This obviously only matters if you need containers.

I have had some success using spaghetti sauce or selected one-time use glass drink bottles to make bottles of iced tea at home. Let the tea cool some first, and pre-heat the glass with warm/hot water to reduce thermal shock to the glass. No more paying 2-3$ for less than a liter bottle of cold, sweet iced tea at a convenience store... Brew a gallon or more tea at a time, and the only re-occurring costs are 4+ teabags and a cup of sugar (and maybe a dash of lemon juice). Stay hydrated and sugared, kiwis.

 

[doodoocaca]

Tea is the cheapest luxury and the fact that most Americans never have anything better than Lipton is a goddamn crime.

 

[习近平新时代中国特色社会主义思想]

Tea is the cheapest luxury and the fact that most Americans never have anything better than Lipton is a goddamn crime.

Especially considering how many times you can reuse the same leaves. Unlike coffee, tea also retains all of its subtle flavors for quite a long time.

 

[Mega Black]

This may depend on your area but I've made a habit of abusing student discounts at grocery stores. I have an ancient student ID that is like 10 years old and haven't been in school for a long time, but sometimes they don't even want to see it and if they do all you do is flash it and put it away. 5 percent makes a big difference if you're making a 300 dollar grocery run, and nobody said a man in his 40s or whatever can't be getting a late life degree.

 

[Candlelight Desolation]

If you need food/milk/water/etc, this may surprise you, but thirty dollars can actually get you pretty far in places like Dollar General and Dollar Tree if you're tight on cash.

 

[talk talk talk]

In the US, milk is often sold as a loss-leader at convenience stores.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

if you have ublock origin installed in your browser and use the spotify web player instead of the app you won't get any adds even if you don't pay for premium.

 

[Xolanite]

This is very U.S. Centric and powerlevel-y but here are some tips to save money:

• SurveySavvy is a good platform for getting money. They’ll send you emails with various surveys where, if you qualify, earn between 50 cents to at least $5.
• thredUp is pricey when it comes to thrifted clothes but check their site to see if they'll accept clothes for store credit
• library genesis is a good place to find all sorts of books and scholarly articles google scholar doesn’t have available. Granted, you’ll need a pdf or epub reader and a computer/smartphone/tablet.
• thriftbooks > abebooks
• if you absolutely want something from amazon, get it used, especially if you’re trying to meet that $25 requirement for free shipping
• i know twitch and YouTube are terrible platforms but if youre bored (or need something to fall asleep to), there’s 24/7 channels like bob ross and the cooking channel.
• If you’re lactose intolerant or just too lazy to buy milk, go the Gwen Hartley route and buy a can of powdered goat milk. Get a blender bottle, add water to a scoop of water, and you’ll have emergency milk for your cereal and overnight oats. Put the fan in the freezer so it won’t go bad (even though powdered goat milk lasts a while if stored properly)
• see if there’s a garment factory within driving distance of where you live. They typically have uniforms for dirt cheap, as well as clothes they made mistakes on or off brand clothes.

 

[NoReturn]

Fuck removing the labels.

Boil water, let cool slightly, pour hot water into jar. Hot water melt label. Peel off label.
You can scrape off the remaining bits with steel wool.

Tea is the cheapest luxury and the fact that most Americans never have anything better than Lipton is a goddamn crime.

Especially considering how many times you can reuse the same leaves. Unlike coffee, tea also retains all of its subtle flavors for quite a long time.

The Scientologists sequestered in the Orgs used to have to (and maybe still do) share teabags within their teams, so they'd just reuse them for the whole group so the last person was basically drinking water.

• If you’re lactose intolerant or just too lazy to buy milk, go the Gwen Hartley route and buy a can of powdered goat milk. Get a blender bottle, add water to a scoop of water, and you’ll have emergency milk for your cereal and overnight oats. Put the fan in the freezer so it won’t go bad (even though powdered goat milk lasts a while if stored properly)

If you're already shopping on Amazon, Anthony's has good bulk products in terms of quality. I can definitely endorse their powdered dairy.

 

[fìddlesticks2.0]

Strong tasting ingredients help make things more flavourful and stretch more.

So if mild, medium, mature and vintage cheddar were all the same price. I'd go for as strong as I could take so that a little goes a long way. Same as condiments. Horseradish sauce and mustard over mayo. Blue cheese. Olives. Anchovies. Smoked ham vs ham. Smoked cheese. Smoked fish.

I'm sure it's been said many times but spices are ur friend. I always season my sandwiches and people always remark on it. I say we'll would I feed you food that hasn't been seasoned? No. So I wouldn't not season a sandwich either. Salt and pepper does help lift. Also not having ur sandwich fridge cold. Get it out to breathe for a bit.

Use vegetable/meat bullion with everything. Chicken bullion in instant powder mash potato can really transform it from wall paper paste to something tasty. Lentils. Rice. Whatever needs a little help to be not bland. Pasta and milk can be savory soup with chicken bullion. Etc. Oh and where I'm from. Rice in cold milk with cinnamon is considered a nice dessert / children's meal. You can also use the dry soup packets as sauce. Make as soup as normal or enriched with milk / butter and add to your rice/pasta etc.

Don't think rigidly. If s kettle boils water. It can also boil eggs or cook vegetables or soup etc. Prison cooking specialises in kettle cooking. So if you want you tube videos look for prison cooking ones.