THE VACATION HAS STARTED!!!! - 7/9/18

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va·ca·tion
vāˈkāSH(ə)n,vəˈkāSH(ə)n/
noun
  1. Traveling an extended distance in order to visit exotic new Cheesecake Factory locations
 
"This Target has a totally different layout and it's freaking me out, you guys! It's just like traveling to like, Eenglund or something where they drive on the wrong side of the road!"
 
FitBitch said:
Even minivans have a weight capacity that I'm sure Amber and Becky combined are at the threat of exceeding. The two of them together outweigh a family of six that those vehicles were intended for. A truck intended to haul lumber, firewood, gravel, tools, a trailer full of livestock, a camper, "what have you" is more suited to her growing needs.
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Most minivans will get you to 1100 pounds or so, so they have room for their groceries and even another person, but only just. The Chrysler Pacifica appears to have payload capacity over 1600 pounds, so maybe that is the solution. Smaller crossovers will be built to carry about the same amount of weight as their current vehicle. The Tucson is only designed to haul 860 pounds, which is a mere 11 more than the Elantra. Maybe the extra ground clearance would keep them from scraping though.
 
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Minivans are kind of expensive for what they are. Most poeple would spend the same amount of money on a crossover or small SUV. I see a hearse in her future before a minivan.
 
How can she tell when she's on vacation? She doesn't fucking do anything the other 51 weeks of the year either.
 
Claire said:
"Breakfast"
Cracker Barrel Smoked Sausage Patties = 420 calories
2 Eggs Scrambled = 252 cals

"Lunch"
Orange Chicken = 500 cals
One cup of white rice = 206 cals
Large coke = 310 calories

Total so far: 1688 cals

Our gorl isn't even halfway through the day and she's already scarfed down 1700 calories! And that's just what she showed on video. Probably snuck in some grits at Cracker Barrel...and of course plenty of snacks for the journey!

:story:
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Wait a moment! Did our gorl have the orange chicken from THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY? That changes everything!

The Cheesecake Factory's Orange Chicken weighs in at a GUT-BUSTING 1800 calories!

EthZeCP.png


So that makes our gorl's TRUE AND HONEST total at:


"Breakfast"
Cracker Barrel Smoked Sausage Patties = 420 calories
2 Eggs Scrambled = 252 cals
Cracker barrel buttermilk biscuit with extra butter y'all! = 300 cals

"Lunch"
Orange Chicken = 1800 calories
Large coke = 310 calories

Total for a half day: 3082 cals!


ONLY 500 cals away from your maintenance, gorl! It must be so stressful to eat so little but for some reason keep gaining *sigh*
 
It really baffles me that she gets orange chicken at the Cheesecake Factory. I'm not terribly familiar with the menu, but I'd argue that "Chinese" food isn't really their specialty.
 
Whatthefuck said:
The crazy thing is she's got it twisted. Remember when she'd act like her weight gain was because she wasn't sleeping well? No, gorl, you aren't sleeping well because you're gaining weight and your airway is becoming constricted throughout the night causing you to choke and wake up hundreds of times throughout the night. It's called sleep apnea and people smaller than you develop it. Please see your nearest magical singing doctor for further details.
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Amber,
Please get some damn insurance. You are dying. Sleep apnea puts a terrible strain on your heart. Sleep studies run in the $10,000 ballpark. Please, please, please stop buying crap and buy insurance. It's time to move to Houston.

Claire said:
Wait a moment! Did our gorl have the orange chicken from THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY? That changes everything!

The Cheesecake Factory's Orange Chicken weighs in at a GUT-BUSTING 1800 calories!

EthZeCP.png


So that makes our gorl's TRUE AND HONEST total at:


"Breakfast"
Cracker Barrel Smoked Sausage Patties = 420 calories
2 Eggs Scrambled = 252 cals
Cracker barrel buttermilk biscuit with extra butter y'all! = 300 cals

"Lunch"
Orange Chicken = 1800 calories
Large coke = 310 calories

Total for a half day: 3082 cals!


ONLY 500 cals away from your maintenance, gorl! It must be so stressful to eat so little but for some reason keep gaining *sigh*
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You didn't add in the fried macaroni and cheese that Becky was eating-which I'm sure Amber helped with.
 
Paging Dr. Now said:
You didn't add in the fried macaroni and cheese that Becky was eating-which I'm sure Amber helped with.
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Fried macaroni and cheese. I got diarrhea just reading that. Regular mac and cheese is such a lovely, decadent comfort food when you make it from scratch. Why does it need to be fried on top of all the cheese? Because the cook looked at Becky and felt she was dangerously thin and needed the extra empty calories and saturated fat? Because American eating habits are so fucked that all we can taste are grease and salt so even the creamiest and emotionally satisfying food ever must be fried in order to be palatable?

I bet if someone fried a roll of duct tape and set it in front of Becky and Big Al, they'd ask for ranch and dig in.
 
Slightly :offtopic: but regarding the kitten:

kitten1.png

cat2.png

It seems it's been handed off to the Thumb's mom.

EDIT: I'm dumb, I thought this was the same kitten from the vid. My bad
 
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For real, how many more fucking videos is she going to milk out of this? I get that she rarely does anything so she's making the best of it, but it's just the same shit, different city. I know her being behind is talked about a lot, but if she's going to live with another youtuber she really needs to step up her schedule. Pre-filming is fine when it's not time sensitive; hauls etc, her 'struggles' videos (though god knows I'm not asking for more of those), but this shit is ridiculous.
 
I hope she knocked on her neighbor's door to return that poor little kitten :( I feel like she just let it out free, risking it getting lost or getting hit by a car.

Kailyn Wilcher is also obsessed w the Cheesecake Factory orange chicken. It's a cow thang.
 
Whatthefuck said:
That shit would have to be reinforced with titanium. Lord, I can't imagine her trying to climb in and out of something like that. She'd be better off in a minivan.
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This is a bit of a power level, but I think it’s relevant and it doesn’t reveal anything truly personal: I sold vehicles in a past life, and one day a death fat a little smaller than Amber came into the lot with her feeder, I mean boyfriend. First off, let me say that she smelled horrible. Like cheesy beer and something wretchedly sweet in the way a dead animal on the side of the road smells sweet. She was also a helluva a lot cleaner looking and more put together than Amber, but I can only assume one cannot become a hambeast without some seriously odiferous stuff happening amongst the folds.

Anyway, this large lady was on a budget, and wanted to test drive a compact car we had that she had seen advertised online. Well, actually she wanted her feeder, I mean boyfriend, to test drive it because she was much too large to get behind the wheel. Unfortunately, she couldn’t fit comfortably inside the vehicle and shut the door. I tried to steer her towards an SUV that could support and contain her mass, but she was unable to lift her leg high enough to hoist herself into the vehicle. So, as a last resort, I grabbed the keys to a minivan and that was the solution.

Many newer models of minivans have a recessed center console and removable seats. With the second row of seats taken out, a deathfat can push their seat remarkably far back into the cabin, and they’re also quite low to the ground.

Alas, a minivan costs significantly more than a compact car that a dealership uses for bait and switch purposes, so my ‘healthy but big’ customer didn’t have the credit score nor the income to procure such a vehicle. But Amber makes ten gees a month, so this solution to her vehicular woes should be just the ticket!

You’re welcome Big AL.
 
Imagine being on the top story of any building and it's on fire. Now imagine trying to run down the steps and encountering Amberlynn Reid, also trying to escape the flames. She's a walking fire hazard, and I'd shove her down the stairs without a second thought.

Anyhow, think she's gonna name the bedbugs she's going to bring home in her filthy bedding? I guess they can hang out with the earwigs and roaches.
 
I know they say everything is bigger in Texas...but this is taking it too far.

SweetDee said:
Anyhow, think she's gonna name the bedbugs she's going to bring home in her filthy bedding? I guess they can hang out with the earwigs and roaches.
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If Bedbugs make it into Casa de Fatasses...well, it'll be QUITE a show when they learn how they're supposed to be removed.
 
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