M
MW 002
Guest
kiwifarms.net
I really need to watch this thread more.
The Writing Thread
- Thread starter darkhorse816
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
and now a poem:
Slandered, depressed, she dyed her hair blue
Now she has turned into an SJW
Slandered, depressed, she dyed her hair blue
Now she has turned into an SJW
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
and now, a haiku
i've fun out of fags
got to go to the store now
and pick me up some
i've fun out of fags
got to go to the store now
and pick me up some
M
MW 002
Guest
kiwifarms.net
So what are your thoughts on having a story start off light hearted, but then it gets dark really fast? I am currently writing one that starts off as any typical YA novel does, sugar coated with some feel-good themes for the first twelve chapters; but the main thing I'm trying to accomplish is establishing to the reader that something is horribly off about it all. Then from chapter thirteen onwards, things start going to hell.
There is no revolution though, as the protagonist's idealist outlook on the world is deconstructed over the course of the story. Her naive and innocent nature is something that other characters often take advantage of due to her being too trusting of other people, leading to her becoming jaded and wondering if her journey has any meaning anymore. She also ends up learning that the antagonist was right, even if his outlook appears to be pretty cold at first it ends up making complete sense. The antagonist throughout the story is constantly trying to warn her about the harsh reality behind the world that they live in, mainly in that she cannot save everyone nor can she always hope to be righteous. Up until the climax of the story, she refuses to listen to anything the antagonist tries to tell her. Once she is hit with reality though, she desperately tries reaching out to him but is instead met with a cold shoulder.
That's at least a very rough idea of what I'm working with in my fantasy novel.
There is no revolution though, as the protagonist's idealist outlook on the world is deconstructed over the course of the story. Her naive and innocent nature is something that other characters often take advantage of due to her being too trusting of other people, leading to her becoming jaded and wondering if her journey has any meaning anymore. She also ends up learning that the antagonist was right, even if his outlook appears to be pretty cold at first it ends up making complete sense. The antagonist throughout the story is constantly trying to warn her about the harsh reality behind the world that they live in, mainly in that she cannot save everyone nor can she always hope to be righteous. Up until the climax of the story, she refuses to listen to anything the antagonist tries to tell her. Once she is hit with reality though, she desperately tries reaching out to him but is instead met with a cold shoulder.
That's at least a very rough idea of what I'm working with in my fantasy novel.
- Joined
- Dec 24, 2015
Can work really well, but:
.
Taking twelve whole chapters to actually get to the important stuff isn't "really fast". Unless you're going the Maradonia route and having three page chapters. Darkness isn't necessary for interesting stories but I do hope something is actually happening in those first twelve chapters. Don't make it all filler because that's boring.
Then what is the plot? What is she doing, and how is she coming into contact with all these shady people? Rebellion stories are played out but there's clearly some kind of contrast between her goals and her enemies'.
This is where you lose me. It reeks of long stretches of boring monologues from the villain about how he's the real good guy. I only ever see that in anime and in fiction written by people who watch anime. Temptation is interesting but I don't quite see how that can play out other than these two people arguing politics all the time. This can work if you're writing something like 1984 but I get the sense this is some kind of adventure story.
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2017
She danced like a demon. An eerie light surrounded her lustrous form; there was a rhythm there that only she could match. There were men who tried but couldn’t take the cold; women who tried and felt a burning heat. A dancer from hell.
How odd it was that you, a simple bassist playing behind the studio glass, could match her piano playing so perfectly. You were just a session player to her; a man behind the glass for her to keep her tempo. Your drum break was just a sample for her keyboard to loop over; your rhythm guitar a cover for her crashing violin. You thought it would never end, that this music would keep on oozing out from the speakers with such violence that it could command a battlefield.
Then you flub a single note. Just one. The smallest note in the world.
The glass breaks. Flaming shards fly at you from all angles. Pieces slide deeply into your shoulder and abdomen. You feel hot tears roll down your cheeks. Blood pours from your stomach.
There’s no music anymore. Just screaming. Screaming in tongues you can’t understand.
You’re lying there, bleeding out, and she’s still dancing. A crowd starts cheering from somewhere; you’re not sure where. As you start to lose consciousness, it all suddenly stops. The woman in black walks over to you, eyes piercing into your tattered soul. She says something in a voice to you, but you can’t make it out; your volume’s set to mute. As your vision fades into darkness, she takes some of your blood and scrawls something on your forehead.
One word, and one word only.
“Lovely.”
How odd it was that you, a simple bassist playing behind the studio glass, could match her piano playing so perfectly. You were just a session player to her; a man behind the glass for her to keep her tempo. Your drum break was just a sample for her keyboard to loop over; your rhythm guitar a cover for her crashing violin. You thought it would never end, that this music would keep on oozing out from the speakers with such violence that it could command a battlefield.
Then you flub a single note. Just one. The smallest note in the world.
The glass breaks. Flaming shards fly at you from all angles. Pieces slide deeply into your shoulder and abdomen. You feel hot tears roll down your cheeks. Blood pours from your stomach.
There’s no music anymore. Just screaming. Screaming in tongues you can’t understand.
You’re lying there, bleeding out, and she’s still dancing. A crowd starts cheering from somewhere; you’re not sure where. As you start to lose consciousness, it all suddenly stops. The woman in black walks over to you, eyes piercing into your tattered soul. She says something in a voice to you, but you can’t make it out; your volume’s set to mute. As your vision fades into darkness, she takes some of your blood and scrawls something on your forehead.
One word, and one word only.
“Lovely.”
Wrote this as a really short story after having some girl troubles. It's kind of old but I thought you guys might like it.
M
MW 002
Guest
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2017
I like writing, but I do not have anything that is anywhere close to being ready to be posted anywhere. If I did, I'd post it. I might write something short, but... probably not.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
This wonderfully awful idea came to me recently...
Elmo: James Woods, Elmo wants to know why Mr. Trump doesn't like those "undocumented people".
James Woods: Think of it this way Elmo: Let's say there's a stand selling fresh apple pies.
Elmo: Oh boy!
James Woods: And you managed to save enough pocket money and sit through a long line to get one. Just when you're about to get one, someone else rushes in, cuts in front of you and demands a pie; not caring they they didn't bother to bring any money with them. How would take make you feel?
Elmo: That would make Elmo sad.
James Wood: That's how a lot of us feel when people get into the country illegally.
Elmo: Elmo thinks if you're going to get something, it should be fairly and honestly.
James Woods: Now you got it.
Elmo: (Goes over to hug him.) Let's build that wall.
James Woods: Think of it this way Elmo: Let's say there's a stand selling fresh apple pies.
Elmo: Oh boy!
James Woods: And you managed to save enough pocket money and sit through a long line to get one. Just when you're about to get one, someone else rushes in, cuts in front of you and demands a pie; not caring they they didn't bother to bring any money with them. How would take make you feel?
Elmo: That would make Elmo sad.
James Wood: That's how a lot of us feel when people get into the country illegally.
Elmo: Elmo thinks if you're going to get something, it should be fairly and honestly.
James Woods: Now you got it.
Elmo: (Goes over to hug him.) Let's build that wall.
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2017
I actually love writing and the English language all whilst having a pretty strong vocabulary. That said, I have absolutely abysmal sense of sentence structure and just generally every other rule that makes a story, a story. Aside from college, where did you guys learn how to not write like 50 Shades of Tumblr?
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
Prince Jello
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2016
I wasn't sure where to put this, but I'd like some suggestions for a short story I'm re-writing.
Basically, I'm doing a laundry list of concepts, happenings and actions that are absolutely disgusting, gruesome and/or morally reprehensible. Things that make us lose faith in humanity. More than simply mentioning war or pollution - though it's a good starting point -, I need specific situations. Of course, the Farms being an encyclopedia of human depravity, there should be some examples floating around. For now I have (non-exhaustive list) :
Basically, I'm doing a laundry list of concepts, happenings and actions that are absolutely disgusting, gruesome and/or morally reprehensible. Things that make us lose faith in humanity. More than simply mentioning war or pollution - though it's a good starting point -, I need specific situations. Of course, the Farms being an encyclopedia of human depravity, there should be some examples floating around. For now I have (non-exhaustive list) :
- Mothers who sell their children's services to pedophiles in exchange for money
- People who film themselves torturing small animals (mutilating them, stepping on them, putting them in a microwave) and put it on Youtube
- This dumb bitch who burned a 3500 year old tree and even took pictures of the fire (maybe not as bad as the rest but god this made me so mad)
- Old people starving and suffering in silence in shitty retirement homes because their families won't take care of them
- Sexual deviants who actively try to infect other people with STDs, raping them or forcing them to come in contact with their bodily fluids
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
i dont think these types of videos would fly on youtube so you'd have to come up with some dark web shit to make this work
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2015
"N.E.D.M" (Not Even Doom Music) was the most well known video for this. It was online when YT wasn't even a real thing, rather it was on YTMND
Prince Jello
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2016
I was thinking about Youtube's early years, when content wasn't moderated as closely as now, but now that I re-read myself, I see that my statement is innacurate :/ Thanks for the clarification!
Good grief, I knew I'd have no choice but to delve into some real horror during my research, but I kinda hoped I wouldn't find something like this. Still, I looked around for articles concerning NEDM, it's good to have some concrete examples instead of relying on urban legends. Thanks!
M
MW 002
Guest
kiwifarms.net
I'm actually starting to get frustrated with writing as of late; mainly because I have a shit load of ideas for the lore of my novel (it's a fantasy), but being unable to organize them in a way that it would flow naturally. I love writing short stories related to my book, since it adds a little more mythology to the lore... but I'm a disorganized person.
androidwarrior
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2018
So I was planning on writing a book about Mermen and Mermaids-or Merhumans. Merhumans can frequent the sea and our world. But I went only so far as Chapter One before stopping. I lost confidence in my writing and I was busy with work.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DTjS5WfTYSqfog9gez_3O6WA7u4sHNC-/view?usp=sharing
I don't know if I should continue. I don't want to write a pile of shit. and I definitely don't want to be another Norman Boutin. Please tell me what you think and what I can do to improve it
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DTjS5WfTYSqfog9gez_3O6WA7u4sHNC-/view?usp=sharing
I don't know if I should continue. I don't want to write a pile of shit. and I definitely don't want to be another Norman Boutin. Please tell me what you think and what I can do to improve it
M
MW 002
Guest
kiwifarms.net
I just got past the first page, and will read the rest tonight so I can give some proper constructive criticism.
So far, my only complaint is that the dialogue is kind of confusing in that there are multiple characters speaking per paragraph- my English teacher used to drill it into us that we should only have one character speak per paragraph, and only because it's easier to follow whose speaking.
Other than that, your writing isn't too shabby. I like that you manage to be quite descriptive while using simple language (I'm biased though as I hate purple prose with a passion).
I've said it in another thread, so I'll repeat it here: it's okay for the first draft to not be up to par. Once you're done the story you can always go back and edit it.
androidwarrior
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2018