Tiberius Rising Tiberius Rising Chapter 18

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DeagleDad420

DeagleDad420

kiwifarms.net
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Oct 20, 2013
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http://www.booksie.com/war_and_military/novel/parkourdude91/tiberius-rising/chapter/18
http://www.booksie.com/war_and_military/novel/parkourdude91/tiberius-rising/chapter/18

"Chapter music" courtesy of Jace:
 
So if he actually did finish Spec Ops did he honestly not remember that line? I get how he raged against it but the fact that it got past him is fantastic.
 
All in all, this was pretty good.
Special thanks to Rob and Tavern Explorer for help with writing and editing this chapter.
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I hate to be a cynic, but is this why?
 
Things to notice here: (spoilers)
  • The technical aspects of his writing (sentence structure, composition, grammar, etc) have improved to tolerable levels, but the plot, characters, setting and dialogue are still completely awful.
  • An attempt at character development: Stryker begins to seem a little bit more like a nihilistic child-murdering psychopath instead of a smug wisecracking Duke Nukem. Not sure if this is a good thing or not, but it's a hell of a lot more honest.
  • Stryker has an emotional meltdown at the end and does some more lone wolf bullshit which would never happen in real life. Jace either doesn't understand the way the military works, and/or he is trying too hard to make Stryker appear like an unpredictable badass who takes orders from nobody. My question is, how the fuck did he get in the military if he had this type of personality, and why do his superiors expect him to act any different?
  • I think Jace actually listened to FlyAwayN0w. In this chapter and the last, he seems to be trying really hard to fix this story and retcon all his prior nonsensical bullshit (explaining away many of the nonsense in the previous chapters) but he's too narcissistic to actually go back and change anything because he can't admit he made mistakes, so he's just attempting to hand-wave and explain away the hole he's dug himself into.
OBAMATRON said:
All in all, this was pretty good.

I hate to be a cynic, but is this why?
Click to expand...
Tavern said he only helped on technical parts (spelling, grammar etc) but we don't know how much Rob was involved.
 
DeagleDad420 said:
Things to notice here: (spoilers)
  • The technical aspects of his writing (sentence structure, composition, grammar, etc) have improved to tolerable levels, but the plot, characters, setting and dialogue are still completely awful.
  • An attempt at character development: Stryker begins to seem a little bit more like a nihilistic child-murdering psychopath instead of a smug wisecracking Duke Nukem. Not sure if this is a good thing or not, but it's a hell of a lot more honest.
  • Stryker has an emotional meltdown at the end and does some more lone wolf bullshit which would never happen in real life. Jace either doesn't understand the way the military works, and/or he is trying too hard to make Stryker appear like an unpredictable badass who takes orders from nobody. My question is, how the fuck did he get in the military if he had this type of personality, and why do his superiors expect him to act any different?
  • I think Jace actually listened to FlyAwayN0w. In this chapter and the last, he seems to be trying really hard to fix this story and retcon all his prior nonsensical bullshit (explaining away many of the nonsense in the previous chapters) but he's too narcissistic to actually go back and change anything because he can't admit he made mistakes, so he's just attempting to hand-wave and explain away the hole he's dug himself into.

Tavern said he only helped on technical parts (spelling, grammar etc) but we don't know how much Rob was involved.
Click to expand...
So you're saying that if that's to be believed, Jace included the Spec Ops reference ON HIS OWN. Wow, what a hypocrite. That's great.
 
KingofManga420 said:
So you're saying that if that's to be believed, Jace included the Spec Ops reference ON HIS OWN. Wow, what a hypocrite. That's great.
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I really think you're reading too much into this. I don't really think he referenced it so much as stole what he believed to be a cool one-liner out of it. He doesn't like Spec Ops: The Line, he never liked Spec Ops: The Line, and most importantly he never understood or internalized the message beyond "bad things happen to the good guys, gay and unrealistic!" At best he's stealing some flashy plot points/dialogue without actually understanding the underlying anti-COD message of the game.

The context and meaning behind the one-liner completely flew over his head, but he nonetheless thought it sounded cool so he took it.
 
You guys want to have at at a chapter 18 review, go ahead, you need tips and my own impression, feel free to ask.
 
I would say something snide about this new chapter but the structure of everything has actually improved somewhat. The fact that Jace actually managed to make his abysmal, drawn-out war fantasy story slightly better, even if only marginally, is kind of astounding to me.

This chapter is still utterly dismal but that one barely marginal improvement gives me an inkling of hope for Jace for some reason. I dunno, I just feel like it indicates that Jace can be receptive to change and could one day accept responsibility for his immature behavior and grow up. Perhaps that's a bit of wishful thinking but it just crossed my mind was all.

Eh, but who am I kidding? Knowing Jace, that's never going to happen.
 
This somewhat improves it to the So Bad It's Good category.

Now I wonder what a Tiberius Rising comic book/film/whatever adaptation would look like.
 
slc115 said:
This somewhat improves it to the So Bad It's Good category.

Now I wonder what a Tiberius Rising comic book/film/whatever adaptation would look like.
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Could be a fun Fan Jam when the CWCki artsy folks get done with Sonichu.
 
Will read this chapter soon.

Here are the statistics for the novel so far:
chSrHFS.png

The columns: Filename, file size, word count, and mispelled words (though to be fair, this also includes Tactical Terms, Islamic Trolling Language and snatches of Taco Bell Language).

I'm converting this book to EPUB format so that I can read it on tablets and such. Only done HTML markup cleanup. This is all as reported by Sigil.

So... Wow. After years of writing this, he's got 18k words so far, and this chapter is the largest yet. Jace is now over one third of his way to actually vaguely making this a novel. (Unpaid advertisement: Folks who like writing should join us all at NaNoWriMo in November. Crunching 50k words together is entirely doable in one month! It's easy and fun!)
 
It's actually really impressive that he turned Stryker from a laughable Mary Sue into a complete madman whose actions have actual consequences.
 
Arctic said:
It's actually really impressive that he turned Stryker from a laughable Mary Sue into a complete madman whose actions have actual consequences.
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I can't wait to see his over the top development into a Big Boss clone in the third novel where he literally forms Deagle Sans Frontiers.
 
Arctic said:
It's actually really impressive that he turned Stryker from a laughable Mary Sue into a complete madman whose actions have actual consequences.
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What Jace should do is give Stryker schizophrenia. A marine who fights terrorism AND his own delusions and can't always tell what is real and what is not - now that'd be interesting.
 
Varis said:
What Jace should do is give Stryker schizophrenia. A marine who fights terrorism AND his own delusions and can't always tell what is real and what is not - now that'd be interesting.
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Jace hates Spec Ops: The Line. Why would he copy the entire story instead of stealing a line he thought was cool?
 
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