TGWTG Tony Goldmark / "Some Jerk with A Camera" - Some Jerk with a Trust Fund

Pointless Pedant said:
I know why someone would want to commit suicide: if he was a divorced, autistic manchild in his 30s who reviewed rollercoasters as a job but spent his time screaming about Trump on Twitter.

You wouldn't know anyone like that, though, would you, Tony? There's no projection here at all.
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Not even roller coasters. Roller coasters are cool and thrilling. He reviews tame family rides like It's a Small World and the Simpsons motion SIMULATOR ride. The closest thing he's gotten to reviewing something actually thrilling was when he reviewed the Harry Potter ride at Universal and a good chunk of that review was him bitching and moaning because the California version doesn't have the special husky seating for pre-diabetic manchildren like the Florida version, so he can't ride the one that's local to him. And we all know just how special Harry Potter is to Jewmark since he had a Harry Potter (and hot rod flames) themed wedding and an embarrassing parody of "Baby Got Back" music video about Sirius Black back when he thought he was going to be the next Weird Al. So it's a fucking tragedy bordering on PERSONAL INSULT for Tony that he can't fit into the seats on the California version of Harry Potter.
 
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The Dude said:
Not even roller coasters. Roller coasters are cool and thrilling. He reviews tame family rides like It's a Small World and the Simpsons motion SIMULATOR ride. The closest thing he's gotten to reviewing something actually thrilling was when he reviewed the Harry Potter ride at Universal and a good chunk of that review was him bitching and moaning because the California version doesn't have the special husky seating for pre-diabetic manchildren like the Florida version, so he can't ride the one that's local to him. And we all know just how special Harry Potter is to Jewmark since he had a Harry Potter (and hot rod flames) themed wedding and an embarrassing parody of "Baby Got Back" music video about Sirius Black back when he thought he was going to be the next Weird Al. So it's a fucking tragedy bordering on PERSONAL INSULT for Tony that he can't fit into the seats on the California version of Harry Potter.
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Of course, slimming down so he could fit into the seat would be body shaming, and anyone who suggests it is a Nazi frog.
 
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Pointless Pedant said:
Of course, slimming down so he could fit into the seat would be body shaming, and anyone who suggests it is a Nazi frog.
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During our little Twitter spat I brought up the fact that if he lost some weight he wouldn't need special seating. He basically responded "Fat jokes. How original." or something like that. I'm willing to bet that off camera in all his in-park reviews, he's got a rented mobility scooter off camera that he uses to get around the parks. Better enjoy it while he can, because once Disney is done with it's four improvement phases for the Disneyland Resort's 70th Anniversary people in wheelchairs and scooters will have to wait in the regular line just like everyone else, just like at Disney World.
 
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Robot Holocaust said:
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GEE, I WONDER WHY YOU'RE SUCH A STUPID FATASS WITH NO LIFE
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Why do you care Tony? It's not like you pay for your own health insurance. You do live in a kind and empathetic world dude. I know this because any normal, reasonable parent who had a son that was as fat, useless, and unemployed as you would have stopped coddling them years ago.

Btw, I think I've found Tony's theme song. Think it suits him pretty well. Might spot him a nickel on Patreon if he sings it, because I would get some laughs.

 
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The Dude said:
During our little Twitter spat I brought up the fact that if he lost some weight he wouldn't need special seating. He basically responded "Fat jokes. How original." or something like that.
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Like that's even a joke so much as pointing out the obvious. Seriously, if you are so fucking gargantuan you can't fit into something you are going to. . .hold on for it. . .not be able to fit into it!
 
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AnOminous said:
Like that's even a joke so much as pointing out the obvious. Seriously, if you are so fucking gargantuan you can't fit into something you are going to. . .hold on for it. . .not be able to fit into it!
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But you just don't GET IT! Universal California should have ANTICIPATED that there would be Harry Potter fanatics who, uh...have a "more to love" type of build and PLANNED ACCORDINGLY by having the SPECIAL seating on their Harry Potter ride like they do in FLORIDA! YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! This was a PERSONAL SLIGHT against Tony by Universal California! They know how much he loves Harry Potter and they didn't include the SPECIAL seating in their plans because they're BIASED against fat jew mongoloids! It doesn't matter that they FINALLY added the SPECIAL seats later and Tony can FINALLY ride his favoritest ride ever NOW, they should have included them in the FIRST PLACE! They were FAT SHAMING TONY! It's not HIS FAULT that he's a blubbery slob! YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! Do you know how many butter beers Tony had to drink to dull the PAIN and HUMILIATION he felt at this bigoted display of BODY SHAMING? YOU! FUCKING! IDIOTS!
 
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Zuckerberg: billionaire, successful, highly intelligent, one of the most influential people in the world, is one of the people who created the most popular social media platform in the world, donates much of his time and fortune to philanthropic and social causes, fairly attractive and healthy

Goldmark: divorced, manchild, makes "reviews" about family fun parks for other easily entertained man/womanchildren, wastes all his time bitching on Twitter, has never had a real job, has the Ass Burgers, has a tenuous grasp on political issues, fat, balding, greasy, below-average intelligence, only influential in a very small circle of other Aspie losers, lives off his mother's trust fund and hipster welfare
 
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Dr. Dik said:
I didn't know that 24 million Americans had glass bones and were constantly in danger of dying and the only thing that stopped their fragile bodies from spontaneously combusting was Obamacare.
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Well I can't speak for the other 23,999,999 Americans. But I'm certain Tony has them if he's going about thinking that that's how health care actually works.
 
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Jewelsmakerguy said:
Well I can't speak for the other 23,999,999 Americans. But I'm certain Tony has them if he's going about thinking that that's how health care actually works.
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He doesn't have glass bones, but he is in constant danger of death for the same reasons he struggles to fit into the theme park rides.
 
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I still fail to see why the American tax payers need to pay for the health care of people who don't work or are here illegally. My wife and I pay for our own health insurance and have seen nothing but increases what we have to pay ever since Obamacare was passed, all because we were paying for other people's insurance who contribute nothing to society. My medication that I have to take daily just to be able to function went from being $25 a month to over $50, and that was with a decrease in dosage I wasn't ready for so I wouldn't have to pay $125 a month. You'd think people would be more concerned about the burden being placed on the hard working people of this country who actually contribute to scociety, pay their taxes, and keep this country working, but are barely scraping by with the little they have. But, no, let's all bleed our hearts our for the hypothetical 25 bazillion kajillion people who will die tomorrow because they don't pay for their own insurance.
 
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