*****IMPORTANT REMINDER: Your choices, as always, are to be KIND, be QUIET and educate yourself or to LEAVE. Thank you in advance*********
I’ll admit. I’ve fallen short on understanding the journey of different groups of people. Over the years, I’ve tried to educate myself about the LGBTQ Community and the struggles they’ve faced. I like to think I’m empathetic. That I’m open minded.
At two my child requested a princess dress and without blinking it was in the shopping cart. Their bedroom was half cars and half baby dolls and princesses. They liked singing and performing so we signed them up for musical theatre and when the teacher said “oh the boy costumes are over here!” They didn’t flinch, pointed to a purple princess dress and said “that’s ok I want that one!”
I don’t believe clothes or colors or toys have genders. Cory and I have always made that clear and kept all the choices open.
And then in September, while pulling in the car line to pick up my tiny human Cory called me. “Just so you know, this morning, Colton said ‘my life didn’t turn out the way I planned. I think I should just stab myself in the throat.’”
And oh my god. I have never felt a worse feeling in my body. How. How can a 5 year old who doesn’t even know a fraction of what the world is or what life or death is even think like that??? Did we do something?? How do we fix it??? I called the pediatrician, psychologists, friends. I went into panic mom mode from the school parking lot. And then I paused. Pulled up to the school and got my baby in the car.
“Colton - daddy told me something that made me sad. He said your life didn’t turn out the way you planned? What does that mean? What didn’t turn out the way you planned?”
“It’s a secret. I can’t tell you”
“Ok. Well that makes mommy feel worried and I really want to help you if I can. Can you tell me what didn’t turn out the way you planned?”
Squirming in their seat, visibly bashful and nervous - my little kindergartener said, clear as day, “I was supposed to be a girl but I’m a boy. So I think I should just stab myself in the throat”
And as open minded and knowledgeable and empathetic as I thought I was - as much as I believed in breaking gender roles and stereotypes - I was not prepared. But we drove 30 minutes to the GAP and we went dress shopping. And the whole way there I told her about how she CAN be a girl. That people feel the way she does. That we have friends and family that were born and people thought they were one way but they always felt another. And I swear there was a little lightbulb of hope that went off in her brain. We went to Barnes and Noble and bought every book I could find (there were unfortunately only 3) and we read them that night. And a week later sitting on my bed, quietly reading one of the stories to herself she said, “mom. Thanks so much for teaching me about transgender. It really made me feel like I’m not alone”.
And y’all. Please don’t get me wrong. I’ve CRIED over this. I fell in love with a baby boy for years and had to let that go. I had to mourn the memories of naming my child and the “boy” things she will probably spend the rest of her life trying to forget. I cried because I KNOW that my child’s life is going to be so SO much harder than other kids lives now. I cried because I know I didn’t understand before and now so many other people who didn’t understand are going to target their lack of understanding at my baby.
But then I stopped crying. Because as much as I feel I’ve struggled, it will be so much harder for her. And while we already have a few people in our lives who are vocally unsupportive - we have an INCREDIBLE, AMAZING group of people that have never made her feel more loved.
So, as the proud mommy of a six year old girl, I’d like to introduce you to my daughter, Avery!
and