Community Trendy Pregnancy / Snowflake Mommas and Their Batshit Birthing Practices - Because hospital birth is sooo last season

Personally, I would rather recover from a planned surgery than have tears down to my asshole (did you know urethra and clitoral tears are a thing?), but I would go against my preference if it meant having a healthy child. Seriously, how selfish do you have to be going into childbirth with any hopes other than "I hope my baby is healthy"??
 
Why is it no one will straight up tell these women “no you crazy cunt, you cannot Initiate Birthing Sequence on Disney’s ‘It’s a Small World After All’ and you cannot let this insane Russian child-launcher feed your infant to the dolphins, what is wrong with you?”

I’ll answer my own question: because motherhood, even motherhood that you technically haven’t experienced yet, makes you momnipotent and can’t nobody tell you shit. Not even at the cost of your newborn’s life.
 
Didn't a kid get snatched by a gator at Disney a couple years ago? If rich bitches can't keep them out of their gated pools, can't imagine that an amusement park gives much of a fuck. Besides, those rides are deathtraps if you fall out- electricity, drowning, sepsis, getting crushed by hydraulics, so it wouldn't exactly be safer in California than in Florida.

But no, by all means, pop a squat in the magic kingdom, just mind your child's first moments earthside don't end up with a plastic soda ring around their neck like a sea turtle.
I remember this. Before this accident most of Disney shorelines to their lake were little beaches with a sandy area or were a retaining wall. In Florida gators are everywhere. If its a body of water, you always must assume a gator is in it, everyone in the southeast knows this. I've seen gators get up close near the splash mountain ride slopes before.

Some dumb NPC's from Idaho let their kid run into the water AT NIGHT and a gator pulled the kid under. Totally their fault. Now they have ropes and signs because people lack common sense.

Besides, those rides are deathtraps if you fall out- electricity, drowning, sepsis, getting crushed by hydraulics, so it wouldn't exactly be safer in California than in Florida.
To add to this, Disney's waterbodies are home to brain-eating amoeba naegleria fowleri so just one more special disease your special snowflake baby can have. A real intimate brush with nature.
 
Personally, I would rather recover from a planned surgery than have tears down to my asshole (did you know urethra and clitoral tears are a thing?), but I would go against my preference if it meant having a healthy child. Seriously, how selfish do you have to be going into childbirth with any hopes other than "I hope my baby is healthy"??
I am never going to spawn, but I really question how anyone has a birth plan other than “healthy, alive mom and healthy, alive baby”.
 
I remember this. Before this accident most of Disney shorelines to their lake were little beaches with a sandy area or were a retaining wall. In Florida gators are everywhere. If its a body of water, you always must assume a gator is in it, everyone in the southeast knows this. I've seen gators get up close near the splash mountain ride slopes before.

Some dumb NPC's from Idaho let their kid run into the water AT NIGHT and a gator pulled the kid under. Totally their fault. Now they have ropes and signs because people lack common sense.


To add to this, Disney's waterbodies are home to brain-eating amoeba naegleria fowleri so just one more special disease your special snowflake baby can have. A real intimate brush with nature.
That child was not ready to be a Floridian, his fate decided by nature.
 
I remember reading somewhere (it’s been years sorry for the vagueness), from the perspective of a nurse going to a birthing class, about what the worst thing that could happen. Most moms were like “no skin to skin, labor lasts too long, epi fails, my birth plan didn’t go accordingly…” and the nurse pipes up and goes “I die.”
“But that’s so morbid!!”
“Yeah, and that is the worse case scenario for me is that I die. Anything else, while it might be traumatic, I can survive.”

Really put things into perspective for me. And also on how selfish some parents can be. (There’s a trend in dads DEMANDING the mom go au natural or that they lay down exactly how THEY want their wife to give birth, with no input from the actual fucking human that’s about to go through this shit)
 
There’s a trend in dads DEMANDING the mom go au natural or that they lay down exactly how THEY want their wife to give birth, with no input from the actual fucking human that’s about to go through this shit)
Well that's fucked. You usually hear about the moms being the crunchy one who pressures the man into the plan and he doesn't know any better so goes along with it. But I can see the opposite situation with the man obsessed with "muh natural birth" and the woman just going along bc she doesn't know better. It's a bit creepy with the husband doing it though, that shows an unhealthy interest in control. I mean, in the end, it's equally a bad idea, with potentially bad outcomes whether the mum or dad had the bright idea. But still.
 
Personally, I would rather recover from a planned surgery than have tears down to my asshole (did you know urethra and clitoral tears are a thing?), but I would go against my preference if it meant having a healthy child. Seriously, how selfish do you have to be going into childbirth with any hopes other than "I hope my baby is healthy"??

I think women are allowed to hope they get through it unscathed too.

The mother’s health is pretty much always seen as secondary to the baby. So any damage to the mother (which in the case of severe tears can be lifelong - incontinence, pelvic organ prolapse etc) is seen as collateral damage, and women are told that they have no right to be upset because at least the baby is healthy!

Going back to the crazies in this thread, they take it too far in the other direction. They prioritise their ✨birth experience✨ with no consideration of what might be the safest exit for their baby. But they’re in too deep and their crunchy peers have told them not to worry about any complications. Because if you do tons of research and want it really bad, everything will go like clockwork. Your body will know what to do. No stalled labours, no shoulder dystocia, no cords wrapped around necks, no PPHs…
 
Well that's fucked. You usually hear about the moms being the crunchy one who pressures the man into the plan and he doesn't know any better so goes along with it. But I can see the opposite situation with the man obsessed with "muh natural birth" and the woman just going along bc she doesn't know better. It's a bit creepy with the husband doing it though, that shows an unhealthy interest in control. I mean, in the end, it's equally a bad idea, with potentially bad outcomes whether the mum or dad had the bright idea. But still.
Unpopular opinion: it's straight-up a form of reproductive coercion. Those are the same kind of dudes who will convince a woman that she wants kids when she doesn't or when she's not ready.
 
Unpopular opinion: it's straight-up a form of reproductive coercion. Those are the same kind of dudes who will convince a woman that she wants kids when she doesn't or when she's not ready.
I'd imagine most of the dudes who act like that are on the more fundie side of things. There's an overlap between fundies and all natural off the grid woo bullshit.
 
I am never going to spawn, but I really question how anyone has a birth plan other than “healthy, alive mom and healthy, alive baby”.
There are a select amount of women who have this belief that just because women were designed to get pregnant, that pregnancy comes with little to no risk and isn't one of the most dangerous conditions a woman can electively put her body through. They also believe that because many of them live in "first world" countries that they will never encounter the same risks as pregnant women in countries where plumbing is a luxury.
 
Going back to the crazies in this thread, they take it too far in the other direction. They prioritise their ✨birth experience✨ with no consideration of what might be the safest exit for their baby. But they’re in too deep and their crunchy peers have told them not to worry about any complications. Because if you do tons of research and want it really bad, everything will go like clockwork. Your body will know what to do. No stalled labours, no shoulder dystocia, no cords wrapped around necks, no PPHs…
There seems to be this ancient idea among these communities that the less complications/medical interference you have during birth, the better mom you are. Like submitting to a C-section or using formula makes you a negligent mother. Your body’s physical capabilities are the furthest determinant from how good or bad of a parent you will be but these people insist that the mother/child bond is a magical, SPURITUAL connection that can be quickly spoiled outsiders such as family or *hisses* doctors.

What usually becomes of children with narcissist mommies (in the case that they don’t die before 18?) Do they follow in their footsteps or do you think they just get really bewildered whenever anyone shows a modicum of concern for their well-being? Would you be proud to find out that your mom shat you out in the bathtub when there was a perfectly fine maternity ward down the street because fuck science? Questions, questions.
 
I remember reading somewhere (it’s been years sorry for the vagueness), from the perspective of a nurse going to a birthing class, about what the worst thing that could happen. Most moms were like “no skin to skin, labor lasts too long, epi fails, my birth plan didn’t go accordingly…” and the nurse pipes up and goes “I die.”
“But that’s so morbid!!”
“Yeah, and that is the worse case scenario for me is that I die. Anything else, while it might be traumatic, I can survive.”

Really put things into perspective for me. And also on how selfish some parents can be. (There’s a trend in dads DEMANDING the mom go au natural or that they lay down exactly how THEY want their wife to give birth, with no input from the actual fucking human that’s about to go through this shit)
Parents are fucking insane at times and the worst ones are first time mothers. I swear, they care more about things looking perfect for brag points on social media at times than anything else.

I've seen grown women flip their shit over hideously overpriced fucking bullshit they don't need, that's not available cos, I dunno, the fucking supply chain is busy disintegrating than being focussed on having a safe and healthy pregnancy.

It's truly a fucking mystery to me. You're about to bring life into the world and have a baby, and you're too busy obsessing over having New Expensive Latest Thing and showing off photos on Facebook than anything else? You're deeply messed up as a human being and need to sit down, shut up and give yer head a wobble.
 
I had to stop reading after the "dolphin birth" section to keep myself bursting from laughter, because it just sounds like a very extreme parody of these trendy birth methods from the name alone.

If you want to have a house birth, why not call a fucking midwife and have them help you instead of risking a tard baby that'll probably be dead before the age of 20? (probably sooner)
 
Personally, I would rather recover from a planned surgery than have tears down to my asshole (did you know urethra and clitoral tears are a thing?), but I would go against my preference if it meant having a healthy child. Seriously, how selfish do you have to be going into childbirth with any hopes other than "I hope my baby is healthy"??
Major power level but I didnt know those type of tears (tearing upwards to the clitoris instead of down to the asshole) were a thing until I got them. It was definitely an uncomfortable experience but I think most women could handle it.
 
Not the first time I have encountered dolphin births. That's thanks to magician pair Penn and Teller's Bullshit, where they covered dolphins in one episode, specifically all these new age hippies who believe that dolphins have all sorts of magical energy (or psychic, I don't remember). Dealt with dolphin meditation, talking to dolphins and of course, dolphin birthing. It is fucking real and has been around for years.

Amazing how something from back in 2008 has popped up again not near 15 years later on this site about laughing at retards. Guess some things never change. Thankfully in that episode so many years ago the couple decided against it.

Edit: Found 2 clips from this show, just a mass of cringe.

 
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Yeah dolphins are large, highly intelligent predators. Giving birth next to them is about as good an idea as giving birth next to chimps is. No guarentee the powerful, intelligent predatory animal isn't gonna see it as humans squirting out a delicious snack and act accordingly.

Dolphin woo is wild, like yeah they're amazing animals, but they also give zero fucks about humans morals and enjoy rape and murdering porpoises.
 
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