Tupacalypse Baseless Speculation Thread

[The Dude]

OK guys, I'm going to fess up. Here goes:

I'm really Jace. It's true. I'm also the real CIADude420. This has all been a experiment under the CIA's MKULTRA Program to try to brainwash video gamers into programable sleeper assassins to fight the Soviets, who actually never went away. Sadly the person calling himself "Jace Connors" stumbled onto our plot and we had to quickly program him into the barely coherent paranoid you all know and love...too much DMT and not enough Mescalin I think. Anyways, it was nice chatting with you all and I must say goodbye as this failure will surely mean I must be eliminated. The Fuhrer does not accept failure. Oh, that's right, Hitler is totally still alive and had his brain transplanted into a giant robot spider body and he's totally running the country.

 

[KingofManga420]

Ok Day 2

I think Eli probably died.

 

[FramerGirl420]

OK guys, I'm going to fess up. Here goes:

I'm really Jace.

 

[Gazelle_Bro]

Eli probably died and was reincarnated into one of Tyce's Islamic mice.

 

[NeetBoy]

I just realized something guys, how do we know these videos were actually filmed by a real person and not a talking dog??

Shaky camera, slurred speech, compulsively circles the same city block over and over again to mark his territory, doesn't complain about working for a master who keeps mistreating him, happily accepts rewards that are out of all proportion to the danger he's in, gets way too excited about riding on a bus, doesn't seem to need an extension of his tourist visa...

You're aware that this is the baseless speculation thread, not the plausible theories that actually explain quite a lot thread, right?

 

[CatParty]

fixed

 

[Morbid Boredom]

Eli is alive, the rest of us are dead.

 

[Germanicus]

Shaky camera, slurred speech, compulsively circles the same city block over and over again to mark his territory, doesn't complain about working for a master who keeps mistreating him, happily accepts rewards that are out of all proportion to the danger he's in, gets way too excited about riding on a bus, doesn't seem to need an extension of his tourist visa...

You're aware that this is the baseless speculation thread, not the plausible theories that actually explain quite a lot thread, right?

He's a regular Sancho Panza.

 

[Konstantinos]

This is all ultimately a moot discussion because as we all know, only Tyce is actually real.

 

[BillRiley]

Ok, to sum up what we've got so far...

Eli is Biggie,
Colby is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin,
KingofManga420 is Matt's new best friend,
The Dude is Jace,
FramerGirl420 is CatParty,
Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze,
HrrDrr is the Walrus,
Morbid Bordom and Konstantinos are twins separated at birth and brought up different clans of gypsy ninjas who unite to fight crime in an alternate cyborg dimension,
Tyce is Tyce,
and I'm Cherokee Jack.

Everybody on the same page now?

 

[Joan Nyan]

He... He might still be alive, right guiz?

 

[MerriedManJr]

Eli was visited by the Archangel Gabriel and was told that Runescape is (and always has been) God's chosen game. He is currently traveling the Middle East, preaching the gospel of Runescape. Before leaving he sent a final message to Tyce: "The Juggalos are mere men. The Marines and Deagle Nation are grains of sand in a desert of time. Runescape is a way of life. Runescape IS life. Goodbye."

Tyce responded by asking his Dad if Runescape was indeed a way of life. When that didn't work, he asked Yahoo. He then deleted Eli's message to make room for some sick skeleton pics and promptly forgot about it.

 

[StallChaser]

Eli's fine. Doing awesome, actually. He was Homeless and Addicted to that god dang Wacky Tobacky when the True and Honest police in Blue uniforms (not brown or white) put him in a Soup Hotel. Eli is being cured of da Addiction and is on his way to becoming a Defender of BBNVille against the slanderous homosexual troll army. Now Fix all Fan-made Eli Stories to have these facts of the True and Original Creator and Captain of Stonichu.

 

[ordinarycough]

Eli is alive and he's in my arms and we'll never leave each other again.

 

[Burned Man]

Eli is alive and he's in my arms and we'll never leave each other again.

Did you mean that he died in your arms after and IED exploded? No wait that's gay.

 

[Quail]

He... He might still be alive, right guiz?

Whoah, whoah, lets not get TOO crazy with these theories.

 

[BillRiley]

He... He might still be alive, right guiz?

No worries. Eli is totally alive. I saw him myself in a truckstop diner in Nebraska.

 

[Puppies.]

So I'm just catching up on Eli's videos and I've got a question: How did he upload these things?
Some inherent problems if Eli is an idiot:

1. He is filming on an actual camcorder and not his phone, as evidenced by the CCD streaking. He must be uploading from a laptop
2. If he's on a laptop, he's either using his phone or some free wifi, but...
3. There isn't a lot of free wifi in Tel Aviv (from personal experience), and
4. It actually takes some planning to stay connected to a cell network overseas.

Any ideas how a retarded stoner like Eli managed to find both shelter and internet so quickly when he couldn't even find a currency exchange for days? Is it possible that he's actually part of Gamerfood?

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

Jace is keeping Eli in Israel until they're done harvesting the weed crop in his cabin

 

[Bork Laser]

Did you mean that he died in your arms after and IED exploded? No wait that's gay.

OH. I just died in your arms tonight. It must have been some Islam. Oh, I just died in your arms tonight. It must have been some kinda IED