Dark Edea
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2020
Nigger I'll rape you while my /pol/-kun watches.
Twitter 12/29/20 The merge is on. - ITS HAPPENING
- Thread starter Bec
- Start date
- Status
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2016
Jokes on you, fuckers. Dethklok was already real!
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2017
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2018
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2020
Coleslaw
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2019
My ear felt cold against my cheek as I pulled up my hood. The noonday sun high in the sky was deceptive as the cloud I breathed out with every exhalation reminded me. Trying to take my mind off the heat struggling to escape from my body, I looked down at my phone and shitposted on my favorite transphobic hate forum.
Suddenly I felt myself sliding on something, and before I could feel anything else-I was facefirst in a pile of slushy, shoveled snow.
"Are you OK?" I heard a voice ask.
I felt something turn me to the light. "Wait, don't open your eyes. There, now you can open them."
A girl with a bandanna was brushing the snow off of my face. In front of me I saw the culprit: a puddle that had frozen over.
"Who are you?"
"The subject of all your teenage fantasies?"
"And who would that be? I had many," I played for time.
"May, you clobberhead!"
"You're...real?"
"I wasn't," she explained, "until some jerk merged real life and fiction and sent me into your little mess-up of a world!"
"Jerk?" I wondered who May could be possibly referring to. I realized she could only have been talking about one person: the Original Lolcow, Christian Weston Chandler. I realized that, like Haruhi, she had played the world like a fiddle. Her mask of incompetence and incontinence had finally slipped, and she would hold the world hostage until the Love Quest was achieved!
"So, are you just going to sit there?"
"What do you want?"
"Oh, you've forgotten all the vows you swore on all the fan forums when you were 12? How I was going to be your 'eternal waifu' and how my 'little flat tits belonged to you forever'? Now it's time to pay the piper!"
"Contracts made by minors don't count, and you didn't agree to these vows, so they're not a binding contract, anyway!"
"But I ended up here when the Merge happened. You were my biggest fan!"
"Were," I emphasized.
"You don't know what it's like! The teens of today have stopped fighting over me and Dawn. It's all Iris, Serena, and maybe even newer girls. I'm getting pushed out of fantasy harems all across the globe!"
"So what? You're not a real human. You don't have real thoughts or feelings. You look like a cardboard cutout!"
"I AM A PERSON!" She roared as she reached into her pocket. By her expression, I knew what had happened.
"Your 'mons didn't come with you in the merge? Too bad, bitch! Enjoy freezing to death with all your exposed skin!"
My slumbering high school track team talents reawakened as they propelled my legs closer and closer to home. I deftly skirted by ice patches as I ran faster and further than I had ever thought possible. Finally, all the adrenaline wore off just as I got back to my building. I felt my ribs trying to squeeze me to death, and I felt a sense of emptiness which meant my body was losing heat at an alarming rate.
As I entered my building I felt something odd. The feeling that something was off only increased as the elevator transported me upstairs, like the prelude to a horror movie. As the doors opened and the mechanical announcer called out my floor, I felt like I was in sixth grade, walking into class with no homework.
My worst fears were confirmed when I saw my door ajar.
I tiptoed in trying my best to control my breathing. I looked around for a weapon. In the bookshelf by the doorway, there was a dictionary, so I grabbed that to use as an improvised weapon that would probably fail to defend myself.
There was commotion in the kitchen.
I tried to lift my dictionary, but I dropped it on my foot as I saw just who was there.
A blue-haired girl in a knitted cap and a small bird-like creature with a round head were helping themselves to all the berries in my fridge.
Suddenly I felt myself sliding on something, and before I could feel anything else-I was facefirst in a pile of slushy, shoveled snow.
"Are you OK?" I heard a voice ask.
I felt something turn me to the light. "Wait, don't open your eyes. There, now you can open them."
A girl with a bandanna was brushing the snow off of my face. In front of me I saw the culprit: a puddle that had frozen over.
"Who are you?"
"The subject of all your teenage fantasies?"
"And who would that be? I had many," I played for time.
"May, you clobberhead!"
"You're...real?"
"I wasn't," she explained, "until some jerk merged real life and fiction and sent me into your little mess-up of a world!"
"Jerk?" I wondered who May could be possibly referring to. I realized she could only have been talking about one person: the Original Lolcow, Christian Weston Chandler. I realized that, like Haruhi, she had played the world like a fiddle. Her mask of incompetence and incontinence had finally slipped, and she would hold the world hostage until the Love Quest was achieved!
"So, are you just going to sit there?"
"What do you want?"
"Oh, you've forgotten all the vows you swore on all the fan forums when you were 12? How I was going to be your 'eternal waifu' and how my 'little flat tits belonged to you forever'? Now it's time to pay the piper!"
"Contracts made by minors don't count, and you didn't agree to these vows, so they're not a binding contract, anyway!"
"But I ended up here when the Merge happened. You were my biggest fan!"
"Were," I emphasized.
"You don't know what it's like! The teens of today have stopped fighting over me and Dawn. It's all Iris, Serena, and maybe even newer girls. I'm getting pushed out of fantasy harems all across the globe!"
"So what? You're not a real human. You don't have real thoughts or feelings. You look like a cardboard cutout!"
"I AM A PERSON!" She roared as she reached into her pocket. By her expression, I knew what had happened.
"Your 'mons didn't come with you in the merge? Too bad, bitch! Enjoy freezing to death with all your exposed skin!"
My slumbering high school track team talents reawakened as they propelled my legs closer and closer to home. I deftly skirted by ice patches as I ran faster and further than I had ever thought possible. Finally, all the adrenaline wore off just as I got back to my building. I felt my ribs trying to squeeze me to death, and I felt a sense of emptiness which meant my body was losing heat at an alarming rate.
As I entered my building I felt something odd. The feeling that something was off only increased as the elevator transported me upstairs, like the prelude to a horror movie. As the doors opened and the mechanical announcer called out my floor, I felt like I was in sixth grade, walking into class with no homework.
My worst fears were confirmed when I saw my door ajar.
I tiptoed in trying my best to control my breathing. I looked around for a weapon. In the bookshelf by the doorway, there was a dictionary, so I grabbed that to use as an improvised weapon that would probably fail to defend myself.
There was commotion in the kitchen.
I tried to lift my dictionary, but I dropped it on my foot as I saw just who was there.
A blue-haired girl in a knitted cap and a small bird-like creature with a round head were helping themselves to all the berries in my fridge.
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2019
At least if i can see my waifu, i'm gonna close those spirit portals with tiger drops against everyone.
I'm gonna be called "The Hawk of Chicureo"
Now, jokes aside; since i read this in the CWC wiki, i can't leave this out of my mind of how desilusional is this.
I'm gonna be called "The Hawk of Chicureo"
Now, jokes aside; since i read this in the CWC wiki, i can't leave this out of my mind of how desilusional is this.
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2019
It'll be like Satoshi Kon's Paprika where Chiba (a woman in the real world) confronts Paprika (Chiba's persona made for investigating dream worlds) for disobeying and Paprika. Then Paprika hits her with,
"Have you ever thought that maybe YOU'RE a part of ME?"
And then something happens where a giant baby sucks up the spirit of an old man while destroying a city or something. It all gets kinda hazy.
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2018
As to why that would be a terrible idea, I'd like to refer you to this thread: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/wellness-check.52029/
Tl;dr, some well-meaning but catastrophically naive college kids tried to call in a wellness check, and the cops knew exactly who they were talking about before they finished the address and completely blew them off. Then they came here to tell us about it, with predictable results.
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2020
Remember - no anime.
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2020
I want to impregnate Lain Iwakura and make bug-eyed autistic babies with her
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2020
While I'm busy murdering all these animes at the behest our our great Nool, does anyone else have any updates to share?
Lazy Man
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2019
I think this is just going to be a way for Chris to stop the Sonichu larp. He's probably tired of remembering to stay in character.
- Joined
- May 2, 2018
Woke up this morning, and realized that I still need to go to work and pay my bills. Some merge Chris, I bet Cole can do a better merge.
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2020
I just got back from the store and I swear to god Shrek is naked and walking throughout my house. I'mm scared and ddon't kno w whta tto do
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2020
Not if deagle nation has anything to say about it....
Now is finally time to activate my secret device that will assemble all the epic gamers from across the multiverse to defeat CWC once and for all!!!!!!
Now is finally time to activate my secret device that will assemble all the epic gamers from across the multiverse to defeat CWC once and for all!!!!!!
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2018
Gonna romance me a big tiddy goth GF ara ara
2021 is the year
2021 is the year
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2019
Ok who's the jerk pimping rosechu poon out in Jersey? Cause I had to clean up an assload of condoms and wrappers from the kfc parking lot this morning and they had a not on the wrappers "compliments of the honorable Mayor cwc of cwcville
- Joined
- May 25, 2013
Welp.. After being killed and teabagged in CoD, for the better part of a day, the dimensions shifted because Chris probably burped in his sleep or something.
I woke up in a Japanese apartment flat. No QT waifus around, but better than being shot in the face and respawning constantly. I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror.
"Well.. Shit.."
So the world is going to end soon, all kinds of fucked up shit will happen and I'll be stranded alone with a mentally broken girl in a dead world.
Welp.. I guess I'll go check up on Asuka in the hospital.
I woke up in a Japanese apartment flat. No QT waifus around, but better than being shot in the face and respawning constantly. I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror.
"Well.. Shit.."
So the world is going to end soon, all kinds of fucked up shit will happen and I'll be stranded alone with a mentally broken girl in a dead world.
Welp.. I guess I'll go check up on Asuka in the hospital.- Status