Ubisoft Sellout - Bankruptcy Speedrun Any% Thread

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

I'm pulling up slightly old shit here but I might as well. It gets funnier. Certainly funnier than whatever crap Ubisoft's up to.
I too consider "Empress" and "FitGirl" to be 100% Euphoric* but some lovely drama from "Empress" has only confused things.

Spoiler

r/CrackWatch - Comment by u/0xEMPRESS on ”Red.Dead.Redemption.2-EMPRESS+Mr_Goldberg”

24,635 votes and 3,950 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

To all the GENDER FREAKS out there who keep claiming out of their own ass that I am a male, I am so sorry to ruin your fantasy dreams of a trans cracker is false and yes I am actually a woman.
Next time if you want to speak about your pathetic fetishes, you better look at yourself in the mirror.

-- rant end --
To all others and especially the people who supported me so far, I thank you from the bottom of my soul. Because of you this release was possible.

Spoiler

thanks to fitgirl, masquerade, and all the beautiful non toxic community here, some serious people ON REDDIT managed to report me to authority with my real address, i am not quiet sure how it happened, but even with putting my philosophical side aside, i think i pissed off the entire internet just by trying to control "MY" own crack for 24 hour is actually something i am still not able to believe.

in less than an hour, i will be dragged out of my home here with my lawyer, but considering i was caught red handed while preparing version 2 fix for my immortals crack, i don't think there will be much of hope against it at all.

i must repeat again, thank you a LOT fitgirl, and all her followers who enjoyed insulting and reporting me for the little stupid mistakes i did. there are no perfect person in this world, but i at least tried to do something 'right' out of all this. but no one saw it, and instead they only saw the negatives.

to all who insulted me : deep inside, i still think you are all beautiful people, and i still don't hate you. you just made another mistake too like i did. i hope some of you will remember me later, and try to continue on my path.

everyone will say i did this to myself. but in the end, its the people on reddit who was responsible for that according to the police report.

farewell, everyone. i know you are not going to miss my philosophies at least.

Spoiler

View attachment 4224435

*Funny how that word has remained a perfect descriptor for these loonies for over a decade despite trends coming and going

Thank you for that, it is way better than Ubi news and I am also bi-sexual and fully a lesbian, I don't care what you think of it.

 

[Xenomorphs Are Cute]

I'm pulling up slightly old shit here but I might as well. It gets funnier. Certainly funnier than whatever crap Ubisoft's up to.
I too consider "Empress" and "FitGirl" to be 100% Euphoric* but some lovely drama from "Empress" has only confused things.

Spoiler

r/CrackWatch - Comment by u/0xEMPRESS on ”Red.Dead.Redemption.2-EMPRESS+Mr_Goldberg”

24,635 votes and 3,950 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

To all the GENDER FREAKS out there who keep claiming out of their own ass that I am a male, I am so sorry to ruin your fantasy dreams of a trans cracker is false and yes I am actually a woman.
Next time if you want to speak about your pathetic fetishes, you better look at yourself in the mirror.

-- rant end --
To all others and especially the people who supported me so far, I thank you from the bottom of my soul. Because of you this release was possible.

Spoiler

thanks to fitgirl, masquerade, and all the beautiful non toxic community here, some serious people ON REDDIT managed to report me to authority with my real address, i am not quiet sure how it happened, but even with putting my philosophical side aside, i think i pissed off the entire internet just by trying to control "MY" own crack for 24 hour is actually something i am still not able to believe.

in less than an hour, i will be dragged out of my home here with my lawyer, but considering i was caught red handed while preparing version 2 fix for my immortals crack, i don't think there will be much of hope against it at all.

i must repeat again, thank you a LOT fitgirl, and all her followers who enjoyed insulting and reporting me for the little stupid mistakes i did. there are no perfect person in this world, but i at least tried to do something 'right' out of all this. but no one saw it, and instead they only saw the negatives.

to all who insulted me : deep inside, i still think you are all beautiful people, and i still don't hate you. you just made another mistake too like i did. i hope some of you will remember me later, and try to continue on my path.

everyone will say i did this to myself. but in the end, its the people on reddit who was responsible for that according to the police report.

farewell, everyone. i know you are not going to miss my philosophies at least.

Spoiler

View attachment 4224435

*Funny how that word has remained a perfect descriptor for these loonies for over a decade despite trends coming and going

IIRC, & I really don't remember much of this, but from little bit I do remember, the story behind the 2nd spoiler is that she was seething is for some reason which was almost her having a woman™ moment which led her to putting limiters on the download speed (just like Nexus Mods does, however here it's not for money).

Edit: I remember a bit more now, but still take it with a bit of salt. Basically, she was mad that she wasn't getting credit (reminder, that her work is piracy) cause people download her torrents from other sites, so she put a datacap limiter on her downloads. This also fucked over people who actually do download from her, & she was deservedly called out.

 

[ZMOT]

I've only played a little of Blacklist, but it seemed okay. Double Agent was pretty boring and uninspired, and Conviction was a total mess where they decided "fuck stealth we Jack Bauer now". Chaos Theory was basically the highlight of the series and it's all gone downhill from there.

I liked blacklist. trying to soft-reboot it was retarded, and fucked the reception for good (gg no re). otherwise gameplay is good, although people might not like it the way blacklist handles it and the way the expect you to play (it's either full ghost, full rambo or a mix inbetween I can't remember, which means you have to play each level 3 times if you want to unlock everything).

Never tried Breakpoint, but I heard it was an inferior product despite some gameplay updates. Emptier world, and Ubi tried to get on the NFT bandwagon before people told them they hated it. The CEO said something to the effect of, "NFTs are what people want and we will make them like it, they just don't realize how much they want it", and that pretty much explains why I fear for whatever Ghost Recon game they might make in the future (besides the canceled one from last year).

breakpoint is... ok. in hindsight I'd have to call it wasted potential: the game. it's pretty obvious where they tried to be destiny and how they castrated the ghost recon IP to fit into it (why not have a global hub and let people do shit in in smaller open world zones all over the globe instead one fucking island, where we have no reason to stay on once we "win" I'll never understand, guess that's what happens when you hire bargain bin diversity hire writers). story also takes a nose-dive pretty early on (still has it's moments tho, they probably just wanted to be cheap. you'll know what I mean when you play it), but you can basically ignore it afterwards and play it like the usual ubisoft open world game running around and climbing towers.

outside of that gameplay is an improvement to wildlands. AI is less retarded (still dumb as fuck tho), and since they desperately tried to "fix" the game and the franchise's reputation there were actually some improvements, especially if you want to play it as a more mil-sim game (for example you can disable most of the looter-shooter shit now). I enjoyed it playing behind enemy lines and just exploring shit in stealth.

also pretty cheap these days, if you liked wildlands and have a mate you can play it with it's probably worth the 15 bucks to play through it once. as shit as it might be, there's still not really a game I could think of that does the same but better (and with ubisoft's AAA production value, say what you want about the game but it runs and looks damn great).

 

[That Chris Guy]

I liked blacklist. trying to soft-reboot it was retarded, and fucked the reception for good (gg no re). otherwise gameplay is good, although people might not like it the way blacklist handles it and the way the expect you to play (it's either full ghost, full rambo or a mix inbetween I can't remember, which means you have to play each level 3 times if you want to unlock everything).

That's not a deal breaker for me. Having the full assault mode available is fine as long as the stealth element isn't compromised. You could bash doors and blast people away with the shotgun attachment in Chaos Theory, and that was fine. Conviction was just so damn lazy and scaled it back, probably because the original concept had him using hobo stealth.

breakpoint is... ok. in hindsight I'd have to call it wasted potential: the game. it's pretty obvious where they tried to be destiny and how they castrated the ghost recon IP to fit into it (why not have a global hub and let people do shit in in smaller open world zones all over the globe instead one fucking island, where we have no reason to stay on once we "win" I'll never understand, guess that's what happens when you hire bargain bin diversity hire writers). story also takes a nose-dive pretty early on (still has it's moments tho, they probably just wanted to be cheap. you'll know what I mean when you play it), but you can basically ignore it afterwards and play it like the usual ubisoft open world game running around and climbing towers.

outside of that gameplay is an improvement to wildlands. AI is less retarded (still dumb as fuck tho), and since they desperately tried to "fix" the game and the franchise's reputation there were actually some improvements, especially if you want to play it as a more mil-sim game (for example you can disable most of the looter-shooter shit now). I enjoyed it playing behind enemy lines and just exploring shit in stealth.

also pretty cheap these days, if you liked wildlands and have a mate you can play it with it's probably worth the 15 bucks to play through it once. as shit as it might be, there's still not really a game I could think of that does the same but better (and with ubisoft's AAA production value, say what you want about the game but it runs and looks damn great).

It's inevitable that I will try out Breakpoint because of how much I'm enjoying playing Wildlands . Even without someone as crazy as me (Ghost Mode Extreme, no HUD, no sync shot, 1st person aim, ground vehicles only, etc.) to play with, the improvements made do sound interesting, even if they do come with a few asterisks.

I'm not much of a CoD fan, but it's a real disappointment that they never tried setting something up like Ghost Recon with their Task Force 141.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

IIRC, & I really don't remember much of this, but from little bit I do remember, the story behind the 2nd spoiler is that she was seething is for some reason which was almost her having a woman™ moment which led her to putting limiters on the download speed (just like Nexus Mods does, however here it's not for money).

Edit: I remember a bit more now, but still take it with a bit of salt. Basically, she was mad that she wasn't getting credit (reminder, that her work is piracy) cause people download her torrents from other sites, so she put a datacap limiter on her downloads. This also fucked over people who actually do download from her, & she was deservedly called out.

It was that Fitgirl would download the game, repackage it and re-distro it in very little time. So people would see "FitGirl [game] repack" which was always smaller in size and more desireable to download and as a result people might think Fitgirl was the big name and never notice that it was an Empress release. Capping the upload rate meant that it would be the only release around for a couple of days. It was all about clout and attention.

 

[IDanceonTrannyGraves]

Ubisoft has cancelled 3 unannounced games and delayed Skull & Bones again | VGC

Company says it’s “facing major challenges as the industry continues to shift towards mega-brands”…

www.videogameschronicle.com

Ubisoft has cancelled 3 unannounced games and delayed Skull & Bones again​

COMPANY SAYS IT’S “FACING MAJOR CHALLENGES AS THE INDUSTRY CONTINUES TO SHIFT TOWARDS MEGA-BRANDS”

 

[Mr.Miyagi]

COMPANY SAYS IT’S “FACING MAJOR CHALLENGES AS THE INDUSTRY CONTINUES TO SHIFT TOWARDS MEGA-BRANDS”

Maybe if companies stopped spending 80 gorillion dollars on every game and bloating dev teams to the size of small armies, they could go back to making AA (or just A) games. But I guess every game has to be big enough to spin into a billion dollar IP these days.

 

[The Demon Pimp of Razgriz]

Maybe if companies stopped spending 80 gorillion dollars on every game and bloating dev teams to the size of small armies, they could go back to making AA (or just A) games. But I guess every game has to be big enough to spin into a billion dollar IP these days.

Companies are run by money men driven by a need to maximize profit. AAA games bring in the most profit, so that's what gets made.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

Companies are run by money men driven by a need to maximize profit. AAA games bring in the most profit, so that's what gets made.

They don't seek maximizing profits, they want to make that the one release that will sell a billion copies (with added subscription service) and get them promoted to a higher position where they no longer need to cater to racist gamers.
If any media corporation wanted to maximize profits they'd release ten games every year with sane budget each, who'd on average more than cover their costs. Instead they release every two years a badly managed, bloated, feature creeped piece of shit that's pre packaged with dlc in order to be the next GTA.

 

[The Demon Pimp of Razgriz]

the next GTA.

That's the goal. The next GTA. Or the next Fortnite. Or the next Madden. They don't want some money. They want ALL THE MONEY. Smaller bets are safer bets, but they bring smaller returns. Our shareholders demand triple, no QUADRUPLE, no SEXTUPAL what they put to the company to come back in dividends. There is no end to the greed. The money machine go Brrrrrrrrrr....

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

That's the goal. The next GTA. Or the next Fortnite. Or the next Madden. They don't want some money. They want ALL THE MONEY. Smaller bets are safer bets, but they bring smaller returns. Our shareholders demand triple, no QUADRUPLE, no SEXTUPAL what they put to the company to come back in dividends. There is no end to the greed. The money machine go Brrrrrrrrrr....

And when the people at the top are blood sucking leeches who only has contempt for the original company and its IP you get the modern gaming landscape where nothing get fucking released and the few things that does are a mess that immediately dies when nobody plays them.

 

[Sparky Lurker]

Ubisoft has cancelled 3 unannounced games and delayed Skull & Bones again | VGC

Company says it’s “facing major challenges as the industry continues to shift towards mega-brands”…

www.videogameschronicle.com

Ubisoft has cancelled 3 unannounced games and delayed Skull & Bones again​

COMPANY SAYS IT’S “FACING MAJOR CHALLENGES AS THE INDUSTRY CONTINUES TO SHIFT TOWARDS MEGA-BRANDS”

“Despite excellent ratings and players’ reception as well as an ambitious marketing plan, we were surprised by Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope underperformance in the final weeks of 2022 and early January. Just Dance 2023 underperformed as well.

Fasten your seatbelts, we are getting near the final stop.

 

[Raging Capybara]

I think Skull And Bones has everything to be the biggest flop of all time in gaming. There's no way they haven't spent half a billion on this trashfire at this point.

 

[Miller]

Ubisoft has cancelled 3 unannounced games and delayed Skull & Bones again | VGC

Company says it’s “facing major challenges as the industry continues to shift towards mega-brands”…

www.videogameschronicle.com

Ubisoft has cancelled 3 unannounced games and delayed Skull & Bones again​

COMPANY SAYS IT’S “FACING MAJOR CHALLENGES AS THE INDUSTRY CONTINUES TO SHIFT TOWARDS MEGA-BRANDS”

Ubishit taking CCP's money and adopting the DIE agenda for ESG good-boy points have completely destroyed the creativity in the company. All the recent controversies related to #MeToo are just the final nail on the company's coffin as they replace the talented people with more activists who just want to take over the company for more power over the business and creative decisions.
Yves Guillemot doesn't realize that he can't just shit out a "mega brand" with buzzwords, his studios need to create a new IP first.

 

[Back me up!]

Lol, Ubisoft is so fucked

After a terrible 2022, Ubisoft's Yves Guillemot tells staff the next year is crucial, telling them in an email that "the ball is in your court" to deliver ontime/onbudget. "Today more than ever, I need your full energy and commitment to ensure we get back on the path to success"

He also calls the upcoming pipeline "the best in Ubisoft history" and tells staff he's excited to share more at E3 and thanks them for their ongoing contributions.

https://twitter.com/ethangach/status/1613232933438906376

Shame, I really liked The Division 2 and was hoping to see a Division 3 at some point.

 

[Mista House]

I've been playing Wildlands as its free on goypass. The AI is honestly one of the most retarded I have ever seen but I do like the premise. It kind of reminds me of Mercenaries/Mercenaries 2 but more serious. I used to like Just Cause but after 3 it went to shit. I get the feeling its better with a full squad but good luck finding people to play.

Prince of Persia and Splinter Cell might actually of saved Ubisoft. AC has been run into the ground and the series might benefit from a break. Instead 6 games that increasingly move away from stealth to generic ubishit RPG seems like a non starter. Even FarCry is losing interest. I can't see 2023 being any better especially as Blackrock and Vanguard cant afford to buy up shares anymore and keep them afloat.

 

[1Tonka_Truck]

I'd have to call it wasted potential: the game.

The wasted potential and my crushed optimism make it hard to enjoy Breakpoint. Breakpoint is great proof Ubisoft is incapable of making good games.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

Lol, Ubisoft is so fucked

https://twitter.com/ethangach/status/1613232933438906376

Shame, I really liked The Division 2 and was hoping to see a Division 3 at some point.

They should be firing 50% of the staff and 100% of their laptop caste rather than going "we need you to do your 100%" and piss off the few people that actually do work.

 

[Mr.Miyagi]

Lol, Ubisoft is so fucked

He also calls the upcoming pipeline "the best in Ubisoft history" and tells staff he's excited to share more at E3 and thanks them for their ongoing contributions.

Looking at the already announced stuff, I really can't see what upcoming games Yves might be talking about here that are the best Ubisoft has ever made. Another AssCreed? Another The Division? Vaporware Skull & Bones? So I assume he's banking on something not-yet-revealed, but really, is there any chance Ubisoft is going to unveil something spectacular at E3, some new IP that revolutionizes a genre or a groundbreaking installment in a beloved series? I just don't see that happening for a company like this. I'm curious about what "big one" they have tucked away, but it would have to be pretty incredible to save their ship, and I don't think their Star Wars game (if that's their big one) is going to be that.

They should be firing 50% of the staff and 100% of their laptop caste rather than going "we need you to do your 100%" and piss off the few people that actually do work.

If I got an email like that at the start of the year, I'd be more concerned with updating my resume and getting out quick than putting 110% of my energy in making sure Avatar 2: The Game released on time. It's not very reassuring to have your boss say "We're pretty fucked right now, so I need you to do well, so I don't have to cancel more games to keep the company afloat."

 

[The Cunting Death]

I literally cannot name a company more milquetoast than Ubisoft. Almost everything they do is generic and they all blur together. The only titles they made that stuck out were Mario Rabbids, Child of Eden (which wasn't even theirs to begin with, they only published it), and Michel Ancel's work.