Hello everyone. Pardon the vagueness of what I'm about to say but I find it appropriate to give the victim the agency and control by not putting out details of what happened, that its theirs to mention if they wished. As such, if you wish to know the full details, links to the screenshots will be in the description. Trigger warning, however, sexually predatory and manipulative behavior on my part.
You may or may not have heard that there are allegations directed towards me. I am confirming these allegations. But this isn't an apology video because I believe that no amount of apology would be enough to undo what I did. This isn't a debunking video. There is nothing to disprove. I am also not unapologetic for the horrible things I did. On the contrary, I am incredibly regretful of my actions. One might say that I am only regretful since I was exposed, I was caught, but the truth is this guilt has been with me, always at the back of my mind, for so long that I always knew it would catch up to me. If anything, I'm thankful that it did because I finally have an opportunity to set things right. I have been wanting to do this for a long while now. Only reason why I haven't is because I couldn't find a way to contact the victim. I thought it best to contact them first and do whatever it takes to remedy things. I had even intended on making a public statement about it back then. Reason why I didn't is because I thought it would be unfair if I didn't let the person speak out first. But, again, because of my account being hacked, compromised, I had no means of contacting them.
Thinking thoroughly, though, even if my account wasn't hacked, this would've done more harm than good to the person so I didn't go through with it. It is only until just recently did I finally know their account when they made themselves known. Which means I finally have an opportunity to try and make amends. I know that no apology or action would suffice or heal the trauma I've caused. But I believe that I still need to do something about it in order make things right. Not for my sake or for my peace of mind but for the person I've hurt. Allow me to say, however, that in the years that followed, I have been doing my best to distance myself from communicating with the community because I have always thought that I might present a danger to someone. Which is why if someone were to message or email me or commission a song from me, I prefer to be straight to the point. Because I fear I might fall back into my old habits and harm more people if I prolong the conversation.
I don't want to become like that ever again. This is also why I have bots running my twitter and facebook page as I believed the less interactions I have, the safer everyone will be. What I did was utterly reprehensible. Absolutely unforgivable, no denying that. And there is nothing I can do to completely fix things. I am so full of guilt and shame but anything I'm feeling right now is nothing compared to the pain the person I manipulated is feeling. But, despite this, I still firmly believe that I need to do something to atleast help them in some way. If you wish to unsubscribe, stop listening to my songs, stop supporting me on patreon, please do so. To the people who work with me, if you wish to cease all collaborative works, please do so. To anyone who commissioned a song and wish to cancel, I will be providing full refunds. But If you find it appropriate to let me keep making songs, keep doing what I do, if you find it appropriate to stay subscribed and continue listening to my stuff, then thank you. I promise to give you so much more songs in the future.
I know its going to take a while to earn everyone's trust back. If at all. Which is why I'm imploring the community to help guide me to be a better person. But right now, my focus is to make things right with the person I hurt. Which is why there will be no song this month as I will be dedicating it to communicating with them, preferably through an intermediary so that the person wouldn't have to relive past traumas by having to talk to me. Though, if the person wishes to communicate directly with me, I would much prefer that, but I think through an intermediary is still much more suitable. I do not want to cause any more harm or discomfort by presenting myself, an abuser, infront of the victim.
The comment section on this video will be open until the end of the month where I will be making another video updating you guys on this whole thing. For clarification, comments will be closed just on this video. Not on the entire channel. I love making songs AND this community, you guys. And I realized that far too late. I hope you guys would please let me stay even if at a distance.
