Warhammer 40k

[Judge Holden]

For the first time ever, my toy soldiers seem slightly uncool to me. I can now picture Rose Tico blasting Hormagaunts and quipping the whole time, and I do not like it.

the only way....the ONLY way this might be unironically good is if shit exactly like this happens in the books

 

[Inquisitor_BadAss]

I suddenly have an urge. An urge to purge! BRB of to Nottingham.

 

[Picnic_Boy]

Thus begins the ultimate hobby project: modeling a series of 40K miniatures so that they're murdering the goddam 40King Kids Club. The Pacifist of Color and the Child Betrayer seem the most deserving of such treatment thus far. I have an unpainted Soul Grinder sitting about with a claw that's just right to fit a child-sized mini into.

 

[Adamska]

By the way, most of those kids in these suicide notes written as books are pacifists. Just thought you needed one more reason to begin screaming.

 

[gobbogobb]

By the way, most of those kids in these suicide notes written as books are pacifists. Just thought you needed one more reason to begin screaming.

Cool here's the story in it's entirety:

Once upon a Time some children decided violence was never the answer. Their parents were not amused and sent them away. Khorne thought this was both polite and delightful news. He sent his minons out who ripped them to shreds. The end.

 

[NIGGO KILLA]

tzeentch is laughing at all of us right now

Spoiler: eeeeehh

i mean it looks harmless enough. It could turn more childrens into fa/tg/uys. although the picture of a parent reading more into the lore and stumbling onto the Dark eldar ,slaanesh, and that whole Daemonculaba thing im sure is fun for the whole family

 

[Adamska]

tzeentch is laughing at all of us right now

Spoiler: eeeeehh

i mean it looks harmless enough. It could turn more childrens into fa/tg/uys. although the picture of a parent reading more into the lore and stumbling onto the Dark eldar ,slaanesh, and that whole Daemonculaba thing im sure is fun for the whole family

The only people who will likely buy these books are bearded fatguys who will hate-read it and you know it.

 

[Picnic_Boy]

Spoiler: eeeeehh

i mean it looks harmless enough. It could turn more childrens into fa/tg/uys. although the picture of a parent reading more into the lore and stumbling onto the dark eldar ,slaanesh, and that whole Daemonculaba thing im sure is fun for the whole family

I think what bugs me the most is that it fails in its stated mission.

I first became interested in Warhammer when I was 12. The Nurgle stuff, in particular, caught my interest, and I must have flipped through the old Undead Army book a thousand times, because on the cover, even the SKULLS had SKULLS. If my 12 year old self would have seen these covers, I would have said, "huhuhuh, Warhammer is like, for faggots and stuff," and never touched it again.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Oh my god the cringe.
Why? Why the fuck did someone think Papa Nurgle's Playhouse was a good idea? What was the logic behind this? "Oh, we have a franchise that has a ton of autisticly detailed lore, hordes of neckbeard fans, expensive toy soldiers with a bunch of rules attached, and an exceptionally GRIM n DARK setting which has planets of chattel slaves, Space Nazi-Catholic-Soviets, Gimp Elves, and Lovecraftian gods who either give you crotch rot, rip your arms off and beat you to death with them, melt you into a gibbering mutant, or violate every orifice with barbed cocks. Let's use that IP to make a series of kids books!"

 

[MidUSA]

How much do most people know then?

Nothing, unless their societal standing requires it. They'll know that there might be false prophets and heretics out there, that has turned away from the light of the emperor, but nothing of the nature of the ruinous powers they serve. And no idea of what lurks in the warp. And any introspection in the matter would be heavily discouraged. i.e Orwellian "crimethink / wrongthink"

There'll be rumours about creepy cult activity and such of course. But the regular citizen wouldn't recognize a symbol of a chaos god as such if he saw it for example. In the older fluff, any human that came into contact with chaos (for example soldiers successfully putting down an uprising) would as a general rule be executed in order to keep it secret; with highly important or valuable individuals mindwiped instead.

OH JESUS CHRIST NO

I guess we got our answer to what'll be the next franchise after Thundercats to get Stephen-universe'd by some SJW neckbeard trying to score woke-points.

(Though to be fair, this kiddy-40k artstyle is way more appealing than the aforementioned dreck)

 

[MMX]

How much do most people know then?

Pretty much anything beyond a basic knowledge of the warp is punishable by death.
Contact with most xenos, death
Contact with the warp, deathe
Actual knowledge of the chaos legions, death.

Theres some leeway if your in the guard by your likely getting mind wiped or sent on a suicide run knowing anything beyond "wow that strange xenos looks demonic".
Even the legions are on need to know levels in regarden to stuff like necrons or the existence of the greyKnights. The inquiston straight up murdered anyone in the first battle of armagedon for just knowing demons exist.

 

[Burned Man]

I don't see the problem here, children exploring the 41st millennium. What could go wrong? They just need to avoid the Demons, Inquisition, Dark Eldar, the Orks, the Necrons, the Tyranids, the followers of Chaos, a large portion of the loyalist Marines, probably the Sisters of Battle too they might get turned into Cherubs, uhh the Imperial Guard because they might get conscripted, certainly anything to do with Slaanesh. I mean its not like in the year 40,000 there is only war or anything. I mean other than all the factions we know about and the reason the setting even exists in the first place it seems like a great place for kid friendly tales.

 

[MMX]

OH JESUS CHRIST NO

NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2018/05/warhammer-adventures-kid-friendly-grimdark-announced.html

"If you’re curious about the characters and the settings of their adventures, pop over to the Warhammer Adventures website and poke around. They have sections for both Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer: Age of Sigmar. Those sections have a bit of the backstory for each character and give you a feel for the setting. Based on the descriptions you get the idea that these stories are going to focus on fairly typical pre-teen story themes: friendship, bravery, honestly, problem/mystery solving. Think Scooby-Doo, but with Space Marines/Stormcast Eternals."

Mumble mumble
Back in my day kids joined the whiteshields and served as a meat shield
It built character

 

[Jan_Hus]

"Today on Warhammer Adventures, our plucky adventurers learn about stranger danger when they meet Jerry, the head of a Slaaneshi Cult"

"Today on Warhammer Adventures, the crew learns hygiene skills when Little Billy becomes a poxwalker and eats Lisa's face."

"Today on Warhammer Adventures, the group learns about loss when Little Johnny gets taken by the Black Ships so his meager psychic might can power the Astronomican."

I could go all day with these...

 

[Zaryiu]

OH JESUS CHRIST NO

NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2018/05/warhammer-adventures-kid-friendly-grimdark-announced.html

"If you’re curious about the characters and the settings of their adventures, pop over to the Warhammer Adventures website and poke around. They have sections for both Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer: Age of Sigmar. Those sections have a bit of the backstory for each character and give you a feel for the setting. Based on the descriptions you get the idea that these stories are going to focus on fairly typical pre-teen story themes: friendship, bravery, honestly, problem/mystery solving. Think Scooby-Doo, but with Space Marines/Stormcast Eternals."

Which chaos gods can be blamed for this shit? I can see Nurgle trying to rot minds or Tzeentch usual MO in this shit, maybe Khorne trying to cause rage

 

[Adamska]

Nahh, it's Slaanesh giggling like a school girl as he inflicts the most fabulous pain on the fans' minds.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

And people thought The End Times and the Primaris marines were going to damage the hobby lol. Will we see a Slaanesh book next? I'm sure that will make the Leftest's happy. I can't wait for someone to get my son one of these books thinking this is the way the game will go (I've told him already just what kind of world it is and his first thought was "so it's worse than Youtube comments?") I couldn't have been more proud of him, though I think he got that idea from Youtubers always complaining about their comment section.

 

[weirdMcGee]

when i first heard this, this was so dumb..but i'm intrigued.

 

[Jan_Hus]

"Today on Warhammer Adventure, Little Jimmy turns to Khorne worship and collects Lisa's skull for the Blood God."

"Today on Warhammer Adventures, Little Billy runs afoul of the Flesh Tearers and suddenly the whole group is turned into veal."

"Today on Warhammer Adventures, the group learns the true meaning of pain when they get trapped in Commoragh" (spoiler alert, Little Billy gets turned into a Grotesque)

 

[MMX]

Today on warhammer age of sigmar adventures - no one cares