Warhammer 40k

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Yeah I was under the impression that the point of Warhammer and 40k was playing army men but they're heavy metal album covers, not because of... whatever that is supposed to do.
At first it reminded me of Troma's attempt at doing a kids franchise out of Toxie, but at least kept the basic joke of "lol it's gross".
 
Today on Warhammer 40K Adventures: Sarah finds a stray animal.
 

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Pretty fucking funny to be honest, I can't wait til they adventure into some system and meet up with some Chaos Boys!
Its Autistic but I am sure it will go something like this:
'Mistress, multiple projectiles inbound'. The call is made from multiple crew members from around the bridge
Almost instantly the ship is rocked as the barbed hooks tear their way into skin of the vessel.

Elise Lor, shipmaster of The Proudflower finally understood the true darkness of the universe. Her second in command, Zelia looks up at her in absolute depthless horror, It was not something any mother should see when looking upon their child. It was a mistake to come to this edge of the system, but the need for adventure blinded her to the warnings of the traders and cargo vessels that had been in system. Putting those warnings to one side, she had taken council with her daughter and decided that this was an opportunity that was too wonderful to pass up. A system that had gone completely dark, almost as if a black veil was thrown over it, who knows what could be happening there, it was a mystery and the perfect adventure.

Arriving in system, The Proudflower was set upon by numerous, ancient ships varying in pattern, like the vicious myridons from her homeworld. It had been a miracle that her ship had survived the opening bombardment, and beyond a miracle that the bombardment stopped when she had hailed the fleet. However it was soon apparent that the worse was yet to come. Barging through the lesser ships, a larger ship raced in to feed, the largest she had ever seen, Gloriana class. This monster was shaded in blue, white and an ancient grey, covered in Numerals and Fanged Maws. Conqueror.

It had taken no time at all to close the gap, Elise had ordered her crew to do anything in their power to manoeuvre and get out of system, but she knew it was far too late. Her only option was to fight back and try to bleed the predator on its way to gut her vessel. But that was a pointless show, the Conqueror had weathered the pitiful lances and missile bombardments and lined up besides the vessel. It had fired cruel barbed hooks into her ship, dragged The Proudflower closer and launched a volley of boarding vessels into the side. Sergeant Maddox, a military man who she had acquired with a destroyed company of Imperial Guardsmen many years ago had stormed from the bridge to mount a defence against whatever storm was making its way to the bridge, but it was quite clear to her that he had failed in that duty. The chain weaponry and the yelling over the open vox confirmed that. She liked the man, he shared her hatred of war and weaponry and passion for a bright and glorious future for mankind through peace and adventure, but those passions died the moment she heard his screaming and begging through her vox-caster.

Not 10 minutes later, the boarders were at the sealed doors to the bridge.
'Why are they doing this to us, we have done nothing wrong!' Zelia cries
'Some people do not share our love of adventure, some people are pure evil. Do not worry Zelia, we will be fine.

Elise is disgusted at that lie and dismayed that she had no means to defend her and her blood from the monsters on the other side of the door, she had ordered no weaponry to be stored or wielded on the bridge. She had been brought into the maw of a beast that had crippled her, tore out her guts and had its jaw around her throat. Her need for adventure had killed Zelia.
 
I think I described a perfect advertisement just being a slow zoom in on the books in a sepia tone, with sobbing in the background. You hear the click of a trigger, and then a gunshot along with the noise of squelching meat and a body collapsing on the floor. It then zooms out and it's a GW exec with a bullet wound in the back of his head, surrounded by a warehouse filled with unshipped books.
 
So all they know is there's this vague "chaos" or "warp" the Emprah protects from?

What about xenos? How much do they know of them?

Basically yes. To the average imperial citizen basically the emprah is god and all the stands between chaos consuming all. They have no concept of why or how.
With xenos your average citizen knows orks, tau, elder exist but the propaganda engine just teaches them that all non humans are faggots that can't stand a good las hit and that they shouldn't be pitied or listened to because their heretics.
Stuff like stealers and necrons are viewed as myths since few people survive contact and those that do general get a visit from the inquisition.
 
Basically yes. To the average imperial citizen basically the emprah is god and all the stands between chaos consuming all. They have no concept of why or how.
With xenos your average citizen knows orks, tau, elder exist but the propaganda engine just teaches them that all non humans are faggots that can't stand a good las hit and that they shouldn't be pitied or listened to because their heretics.
Stuff like stealers and necrons are viewed as myths since few people survive contact and those that do general get a visit from the inquisition.
There is also the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer, the guide book issued to all guardsmen that has a section on all the xenos a guardsmen might encounter with helpful advice like Orks being highly stupid and very fragile compared to a human and the Tau being primitive beings with stone age technology. Of course most guardsmen learn how wrong that info is and basically just use the book for tp.
 
Is that hair or a bullfighter hat?

SJWs are a strange people, believing that children are one shock away from literally killing themselves.
I'm more surprised they didn't jump down 40k's throat sooner with the Trump is God Emperor shit unless I haven't been paying attention.

But yeah, pretty much every kid around the age of 10-12 who were starting out that I've seen were way more invested in the game than much of the books, so I'm just predicting that this won't make it big at all.
 
Today on warhammer 40k adventures - c,tan shards the grim dark version of pokemon
 
Today on Warhammer 40k adventures: Lafawnda the pacifistic telescope-holder makes friends with a Lictor, who eats her brain, then spits it out, because kids don't know anything worth stealing.
 
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