A series of viral TikToks sparked discussion about toxic masculinity and how men’s dating profiles indicate they don’t have healthy friendships with other men.
The saga started with a video posted on April 14 by Jordan (@off_jawaggon), who commented on the low standards for men on dating apps like Hinge and Tinder.
“Basically all I have to do is not ask for nudes or make lewd sexual comments in the first few conversations, and you would have thought I was a knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse,” the TikToker said in the video.
In response, Jazz (@ringsofvail) noted the type of men’s dating profiles that she finds annoying or funny, and she calls out men for lying in their bios.
“I just want to take your attention to the height because I’m taller than this man and I’m 5’5,” Jazz sad. “I know he’s fucking lying.” Jazz also shared a man’s Tinder profile in which he said he was “heartbroken” and “looking for a girl to hold me.”
“Do men not have friends?” Jazz said.
Some users in the comments seconded the question—while others posited that men really do have a hard time finding friends or other outlets to vent.
“Sad reality is, most men don’t have that outlet and never will,” one user wrote. “As someone who is deeply emotional, it’s difficult finding someone to put up with it.”
“This ain’t the movies, having friends is a part of the male fantasy,” another commenter said. “It’s not reality for many men. We have co-workers instead.”
Jordan told the Daily Dot that she has asked guys she’s dating about their friends’ ages and they had no idea but that she knows many personal details about her best friend.
In another TikTok, Jordan said that Jazz’s response was what he was hoping for and analyzed the reason that men lack friends.
Jordan said that men do have friends but, unlike women, lack safe spaces to be vulnerable about their emotions. He also said that men statistically have fewer friends than women, and if they do form emotional bonds with other men, it’s because of experience (e.g., playing on a team together or working together).
Jordan also cited statistics that men are twice as likely to commit suicide have high rates of substance abuse. “We binge more often, and we die younger,” Jordan said.
He said these issues partly stem from societal pressures and gender roles and noted that younger boys report not wanting to share their feelings, which makes it harder for them to form connections with other boys.
Jordan said that a man forms a relationship with a woman, they will turn to her with their problems and emotions.
Jordan also said he is very comfortable with his sexuality even though society pressures men not to cry or talk about their feelings. Jordan said even though he has friends in his life to talk to, he still feels stress and anxiety when trying to express emotions to another man.
“It’s a lot easier and way more natural and comfortable for me and I think most guys just talk to a woman about these things, if we’re gonna talk about it at all,” the TikToker said.
He said guys tend to bottle things up or self-medicate, which eventually turns into an emotional dumping on women. Overall, Jordan said, not dealing with emotions can manifest in unhealthy ways such as violence and suicide.
“Guys usually have a lot more going on that we don’t even know how to talk about,” Jordan said.
