🐱 'We have co-workers instead': Hinge dating profiles spark discussion about how men don’t have friends

https://www.dailydot.com/irl/dating-profiles-men-friends/

A series of viral TikToks sparked discussion about toxic masculinity and how men’s dating profiles indicate they don’t have healthy friendships with other men.
The saga started with a video posted on April 14 by Jordan (@off_jawaggon), who commented on the low standards for men on dating apps like Hinge and Tinder.
“Basically all I have to do is not ask for nudes or make lewd sexual comments in the first few conversations, and you would have thought I was a knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse,” the TikToker said in the video.
In response, Jazz (@ringsofvail) noted the type of men’s dating profiles that she finds annoying or funny, and she calls out men for lying in their bios.
“I just want to take your attention to the height because I’m taller than this man and I’m 5’5,” Jazz sad. “I know he’s fucking lying.” Jazz also shared a man’s Tinder profile in which he said he was “heartbroken” and “looking for a girl to hold me.”
“Do men not have friends?” Jazz said.
Some users in the comments seconded the question—while others posited that men really do have a hard time finding friends or other outlets to vent.
“Sad reality is, most men don’t have that outlet and never will,” one user wrote. “As someone who is deeply emotional, it’s difficult finding someone to put up with it.”
“This ain’t the movies, having friends is a part of the male fantasy,” another commenter said. “It’s not reality for many men. We have co-workers instead.”
Jordan told the Daily Dot that she has asked guys she’s dating about their friends’ ages and they had no idea but that she knows many personal details about her best friend.
In another TikTok, Jordan said that Jazz’s response was what he was hoping for and analyzed the reason that men lack friends.
Jordan said that men do have friends but, unlike women, lack safe spaces to be vulnerable about their emotions. He also said that men statistically have fewer friends than women, and if they do form emotional bonds with other men, it’s because of experience (e.g., playing on a team together or working together).
Jordan also cited statistics that men are twice as likely to commit suicide have high rates of substance abuse. “We binge more often, and we die younger,” Jordan said.
He said these issues partly stem from societal pressures and gender roles and noted that younger boys report not wanting to share their feelings, which makes it harder for them to form connections with other boys.
Jordan said that a man forms a relationship with a woman, they will turn to her with their problems and emotions.
Jordan also said he is very comfortable with his sexuality even though society pressures men not to cry or talk about their feelings. Jordan said even though he has friends in his life to talk to, he still feels stress and anxiety when trying to express emotions to another man.
“It’s a lot easier and way more natural and comfortable for me and I think most guys just talk to a woman about these things, if we’re gonna talk about it at all,” the TikToker said.
He said guys tend to bottle things up or self-medicate, which eventually turns into an emotional dumping on women. Overall, Jordan said, not dealing with emotions can manifest in unhealthy ways such as violence and suicide.
“Guys usually have a lot more going on that we don’t even know how to talk about,” Jordan said.

 

[GoysGoneWild]

I mean yeah, bonds of all sorts have been broken down over the last 50-100 years. I consider myself lucky+thankful to have the amount of male friends I do, and even then it takes active effort to maintain friendships. This is an essential part of the human existence and we've just cut it out in favor of increasingly mundane and idiotic things; to where we now are just sitting at home watching youtube and eating rather than going out and forging bonds with people. If you even have the time to do this stuff. Increasingly we don't.

Welcome to Mr Kaczynski's wild ride.

 

[b0x]

For them, a guy wanting emotional support in the relationship is work they don't feel like dealing with.

Commonly known among Women as emotional labor. Many don't want Men to lean on them in that way. They'll say they want vulnerability in Facebook posts to virtue signal. But in action they respond to the stereotypical stoic rock that they can lean upon emotionally. Emotional weakness shows an unattractive side to a Man, that he's not confident, he's not put together, he's not stable.

 

[SITHRAK!]

In my experience, it’s hard for a man to have friends when women are constantly invading male spaces, and doing everything they can to reduce their partners‘ social contact hours out of jealousy.

 

[b0x]

Lots of men either date or marry pyschos who control their entire social life and push out the guys actual friends and force them to only interact with their friends cuck husbands/boyfriends. When the relationship ends, the guy essentially has no ties to anyone that isn't connected to their former partner.

I think it's more due to the Men than the Women. I would say the larger amount of Men growing up in single households are causing it. Psychologically to them, their Mother was not only the caretaker, but also the authority. So when these Men end up dating, they treat the Women with the same amount of authority they'd treat their Mother. Because as a child, they saw no Male representative to check to their power.

 

[TowinKarz]

We've destroyed male-only institutions as sexist, even if all they did was play cards.

We've forced co-ed ones to focus disproportionately on women.

We've infiltrated and "diversified" every hobby and media format with alternative sexualities that dismiss heterosexual men out-of-hand as either not freaky enough to be worth it or dangerous believers in traditional conformity (which is oppressive in all forms)

Everything remotely "male" has been redefined as toxic

Men STILL get the short end of the stick in most legal situations from the draft to family court, and only a presumption of guilt awaits in cases of alleged sexual harassment, where even having a camera on you all day long is not accepted as proof you didn't do it if it happened on a campus.





"Gee, why don't they wanna be friends?"

 

[God of Nothing]

We've destroyed male-only institutions as sexist, even if all they did was play cards.

We've forced co-ed ones to focus disproportionately on women.

We've infiltrated and "diversified" every hobby and media format with alternative sexualities that dismiss heterosexual men out-of-hand as either not freaky enough to be worth it or dangerous believers in traditional conformity (which is oppressive in all forms)

Everything remotely "male" has been redefined as toxic

Men STILL get the short end of the stick in most legal situations from the draft to family court, and only a presumption of guilt awaits in cases of alleged sexual harassment, where even having a camera on you all day long is not accepted as proof you didn't do it if it happened on a campus.





"Gee, why don't they wanna be friends?"

Eh, I thought the issue was more friendship in general. Men and women just can't be friends period. It's not that neither party can control themselves: it's that we naturally develop feelings when around each other for long enough.

The work boyfriend is real, and it is not a comfortable position to be in whatever your relationship status is.

 

[TowinKarz]

Eh, I thought the issue was more friendship in general. Men and women just can't be friends period. It's not that neither party can control themselves: it's that we naturally develop feelings when around each other for long enough.

The work boyfriend is real, and it is not a comfortable position to be in whatever your relationship status is.

Well, that's a different issue than what I was talking about, I was trying to show how a pervasive attitude of persecution and fatalism (whatever happiness you find will just be ruled problematic and taken by force) would put a damper on trusting anyone or anything in the modern world and leading one to just hole up at home with things that can't betray you like a project motorcycle or funko pops or something, ANYTHING except going outside to deal with people.

Depressed people don't go to parties, even if invited.

 

[SBG]

Commonly known among Women as emotional labor. Many don't want Men to lean on them in that way. They'll say they want vulnerability in Facebook posts to virtue signal. But in action they respond to the stereotypical stoic rock that they can lean upon emotionally. Emotional weakness shows an unattractive side to a Man, that he's not confident, he's not put together, he's not stable.

I think part of it is women falling for the act men put on with trying to avoid showing this weakness to women they're dating, seems similar to when men don't realize just how different the women they're interested in may look without makeup as it's people falling for the facades people put up when trying to date initially.

There is also the problem that some women like to imagine themselves to be insightful when it comes to people's feelings or personalities, when really they're just judging people's surface level facades the same as everyone else. So having an attracive/successful guy show they also have problems means their entire read on the guy was wrong.

 

[CWCissey]

Also there's no point for men talking to women about their friends as the general consensus seems to be that two men hanging out at the pub means they're fucking.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Women* get exactly what they want and are still unhappy. Gee, who coulda guessed that?

Most careerist women LARP as #bossbabes who believe relationships must be either transactional or only go one way, which is their way of course! They don’t feel any obligation towards anyone but themselves. Even the strongest virtue signalers and “empaths” are extremely selfish and can’t imagine a scenario where they actually give instead of nonstop taking. Them droning about emotional labor is basically them not wanting to give a shit about anyones thoughts or feelings other than their own.

Most guys now have three generations of anti-white male hatred to deal with and white guys are smart enough to get the hint. So most will just fuck off and focus on hobbies, games or even the gym. I know lots of gymbros who just work, lift, and stay at home. Women are angry that men, who have been told to fuck off, actually fucked off. That’s why I humiliate feminists and feminism nonstop. Especially the TERFs because trannies are entirely the fault of a society that encourages feminization but then they get pissed when guys get it on it.

* - Some, because there were plenty of women, even now, who knew what kind of train wreck this was going to be.

 

[God of Nothing]

I think it's more due to the Men than the Women. I would say the larger amount of Men growing up in single households are causing it. Psychologically to them, their Mother was not only the caretaker, but also the authority. So when these Men end up dating, they treat the Women with the same amount of authority they'd treat their Mother. Because as a child, they saw no Male representative to check to their power.

well, they do have the power to ruin their lives with a single accusation

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Bingo

Jordan is rarted and doesn't realize it's women's toxicity that makes it so men learn to never let them see that shit. No matter what lies they tell you, looking weak will immediately make them lose respect for you as a person.

When women say things like this, I can't tell when they're being deceitful or when they're that out of touch with themselves that they can't comprehend the welling disgust they feel when witnessing a man being vulnerable.

It's as unsettling as it is disappointing, especially because even female family members will say the same while feeling the same.

 

[BelUwUga]

When women say things like this, I can't tell when they're being deceitful or when they're that out of touch with themselves that they can't comprehend the welling disgust they feel when witnessing a man being vulnerable.

It's as unsettling as it is disappointing, especially because even female family members will say the same while feeling the same.

It's both. For probably the majority it is that they seem to just follow how they feel. They may intend to be honest when they are lying to you because that same pathology makes self-reflection virtually impossible. It doesn't matter what they said before, what matters is the disgust they feel now. What can the guy do about it at that point? Since it almost inevitably precipitates a breakup their even less likely to change, so many are even more likely to learn to keep it on lockdown. Some very malicious hoes will abuse this shit to their benefit.

 

[PaleTay]

I would say I had over 50 close friends, probably about 30 who would help me move or get into a bar fight together. I've moved and don't see many as often. The strange thing I see as a get older is people abandoning their friends at parties or clubs if they're shitfaced.

 

[Haramburger]

Hanging with the lads should be fun, not free therapy

Realistically I think it's both. Fun IS free therapy. You should be able to have a good time, imbibe alcohol & bitch about women to get the poison out, and it shouldn't cost more than a twenty to do so

 

[LurkTrawl]

I want women like the author of the article to learn less about men so I can read less of her shitty, objectively putrid opinions on a topic she admits she knows nothing about.