Forgive the essay - I've wanted to talk about this whole experience somewhere and I guess "somewhere" ended up being this thread on Kiwi Farms.
TLDR - lost a ton of weight a few years ago, had skin surgery, gained most of it back (but differently post-skin surgery), lost it again with the help of a GLP-1, feeling good
As of today I'm about 90 pounds down from where I was 13 months ago (beginning of July 2024) when I started taking tirzepatide - first from a compounding telehealth company, then brand name Zepbound when my insurance started covering it in November.
I'm 5'2", started last year at 271 and am now at 180lbs.
I've lost over 100lbs before, in 2017-2018. I went from 281 > 170. I did it the "natural" way - changing diet and increasing exercise. I started distance running at around a year in/210 pounds and completed tons of half marathons and 2 marathons before I started dealing with chronic pain in 2021. I had skin removal surgery (tummy tuck and breast lift) at the end of 2018.
I did initially gain some weight back from my lowest, especially once I wasn't marathon training anymore, but was sitting comfortably (without thinking too hard about it) around 190-200 pounds for quite a while until I went through a divorce with a BPDemon in the fall of 2022. Still dealing with the chronic pain, now with some serious emotional issues happening at the same time, I fell back into old binge habits and pretty quickly put on a LOT of weight. Weirdly, I didn't notice it THAT much as it was happening. I definitely was deliberately ignoring the signs like "none of my clothes fit anymore" and "my face looks completely different", but because of the skin surgery my body shape was very different from when I started in 2017, so I was able to convince myself it wasn't as bad as it really was. I didn't get a big belly again, I mostly just was... wider. Lots more weight in my face, arms and boobs (not dissimilar to how good ol' Glitter and Lasers seems to be finally sprouting some "boobs" now that her body fat won't go to the same places). I went to an annual check up in May of last year, found out I had early NAFL, and finally faced the scale to see that I was 10 lbs down from my highest weight.
I've been trying to get prescribed a weight loss injection for several years now, but decided to finally pull the trigger and pay out of pocket for the medication from a compounding pharmacy, and I am incredibly grateful to my past self for doing it. For me at least, this is a miracle drug and I tell everyone who asks me about it. I know how to lose weight. I lost over 100 pounds. It's not an issue of lack of knowledge or willpower. But I grew up fat with a mom who has struggled with weight her entire life (one obese parent - 50% chance of obese child), and I think I was suffering from a bit of the "Biggest Loser effect", where my calorie needs will always be lower than a person at the same weight who has never been significantly heavier. The medication has made it just easy for me to do what I did with significant effort when I lost weight before - eat less fucking food. I'm a short, small-framed woman - I don't need to eat that many calories, especially when not training for endurance running.
The food noise thing is so fucking real. The first time I really felt it was at a party a few weeks into taking the medication - usually my mind would be consumed with the sweets "situation" - How much have I eaten? How much is left? Is anyone watching me? Should I get some now? How about now? How long can I hold out? and on and on. With the medication, I didn't think about it. Like, at all. I saw the sweets, was like, oh cool, cookies, and didn't even eat any. If you've never experienced the loud and repetitive inner monologue of food noise, it might not seem like such a big deal, but it truly is life-changing for me. My experience has been that it's time to change my dose when the food noise starts picking up.
My NAFL was gone by the 6 month check up ultrasound. My chronic pain is gone (partially from weight loss, and partially from some mental work - strong recommend for the book "The Way Out" and learning about neuroplastic pain). I fit in straight size clothes again and I can actually get things in petite sizing which fits much better. My face looks like my face. Food doesn't take over my life or my thoughts and I haven't had even the slightest urge to binge in over a year. My tummy tuck and breast lift have both held up pretty well, but I do have more loose skin on my arms, neck and inner thighs than I did before because of gaining weight there post-surgery. I don't love it but probably wouldn't seek surgery again at least until after I have kids (which is something I want to do in the next 4-5 years).
It's pretty embarrassing to have to lose over 100 pounds twice, but I'm determined to never have to do it a THIRD time. I'm not sure how much more weight I'll lose, as I imagine the medication might make it possible to get to a lower weight than I was able to without it. I'm prepared to have to take it at a maintenance dose for the rest of my life if needed - it's given me my life back, as dramatic as that is to say. I feel in control of my body in a way that I don't think I ever have before. If GLP-1s were not available, I would probably have tried for bariatric surgery because I just don't know that I could do it all again totally on my own, but I'm very glad that the medication DOES exist and I haven't had to undergo surgery and permanently alter my digestive tract to take it.
I have a lot of thoughts about the experience of moving through the world as a woman at these very different weights - people really do treat you differently when you're fat (I mean, I'm still fat, but you know what I mean). Having experienced both ends of this spectrum twice in less than a decade has been fascinating and not something that I think a lot of people can relate to.
As for what I've been eating - I've always been a creature of habit when it comes to food, like I can happily eat the exact same meal every day for years on end, and the medication makes this even more pronounced. I've had the same beefed-up Huel nearly every day and sometimes that's the only "meal" I can really stomach. I make it with Fairlife milk, an additional protein powder, fiber, flax and chia seeds, sometimes egg whites, sometimes a bit of frozen banana, creatine, and collagen- comes out to about 800 calories and over 100 grams of protein, give or take, so if that's all I eat in a (sedentary) day, I at least know I'm getting my basic vitamins, minerals, fiber, and lots of protein. Other than that I eat a lot of skyr with frozen berries, eggs, kimchi, avocado, in season fruit, tuna, and just a little too obsessed with the snack size Perfect Bars. I very rarely eat meat, as I kind of lost my taste for it a few years ago. I'm not precisely counting calories but I do have a rough idea of what I'm having every day which is usually somewhere between 1100-1700 calories.
What I need to work on now is getting back into a regular exercise routine - I haven't started running again because I'm scared of the pain returning, but I know that was really good for me both mentally and physically. I was lifting regularly until the end of last year when I couldn't afford the gym I was going to and I definitely need to get back into that (which I'm sure will help prevent issues from the running - last time I was running regularly I was doing almost no weight training and it definitely contributed to my issues). I could also stand to eat more vegetables and in general want to cook a bit more, as I've really fallen out of the habit since being single again.
Keep on keeping on, fat Kiwis. I find it so much more fun to laugh at dumb ass fat lolcows when I'm not doing the same dumb ass fat shit they're doing.
