Weird and Cringe things you've seen while working in IT - Since everyone is too lazy to make such a thread where IT bros can vent

I gotta say that the most annoying people to do IT work for are definitely lawyers, who are programmed from birth to be retarded at tech and not make even the slightest effort to understand it. Fuckers can't even be bothered to properly learn basic work tools such as MS Word.
Some would say you got what you deserved for trying to rip them away from the One True Legal Word Processor, WordPerfect.
 
Ex telco retail. Will never deal with users again.

- creepy man wanted a refund for his brand new phone because Samsung made it possible for him to fuck it up with a bootlocker, my coworkers and I knew it was from dodgy porn
- homeless man masturbated on a bench under a blanket outside store, came in with busted grimy phone minutes later and wanted me to help him get a social welfare payment through their app
- old man showed me a picture unprompted of his fucked up diabetes leg and varicose veins in hospital during a sales transaction
- pervert man said he had a problem with his Internet connection, left a nude picture of him in his gallery for me to find when I unlocked his phone, I know he did it on purpose because he was looking at his phone moments before he locked it
- old woman slapped me with an ethernet cable while articulating rage at me because third party fibre company did something abhorrent to her house
- angry man threw his phone at me because he was credit declined and accused me of discrimination
- stupid man broke the slide and lock SIM tray on his new phone when he got home for some unknown reason after I set everything up fine, told my manager I broke it (lol), business team gave him a new phone
- fraudulent lady bullied the business team into a new phone by threatening to shift companies after her kid broke a phone and was too young for the insurance policy to cover it, complained that I asked questions
- landscaper man handed me a zip lock bag of grass clippings and what remained of his phone after it went through a lawnmower so insurance could confirm it was beyond economical repair
- revolting grandma handed me a wet phone and then told me after touching it that her granddaughter dropped it in the toilet (too proud to admit it fell out of her back pocket when she pulled her pants down), got shitty at me for giving her phone back, sanitising my hands, and telling her to bring it back dry so I could handle it safely
- autistic lady with chronically sweaty hands had to keep buying new button phones because her sweat was ruining them and she would only deal with me, refused to get a phone with an IP68 rating because she was afraid of smartphones giving her brain cancer
- cracking open a farmer's phone and having ancient cow shit crumble all over my hands
- delusional woman coming in with a cracked phone screen and saying it broke spontaneously while she was looking at it on a coffee table, sent it away for warranty as she requested and made her read through the terms and conditions stating what voids a warranty, she arrived to dispute the out of warranty inspection and repair quote I told her would happen, screamed insults at me when I refused to magic away the cost or give her phone back without paying for the cost, threw her broken phone at me before leaving
- sexist man asking for a male consultant that "knew what he was doing" because I told him his phone needed to be sent away for repair as the digitizer was busted ("no, Virgo, its a system problem, the screen is fine, there are no cracks, you're not scamming me into a repair"), refused to continue serving him and he laid a complaint about me being stupid

I hate users. I will never deal with them again directly. I had lovely experiences and people appreciated me with little gifts and cards but somehow it didn't outweigh the screeching retards when it came to my mental health.
 
Ex telco retail. Will never deal with users again.

- creepy man wanted a refund for his brand new phone because Samsung made it possible for him to fuck it up with a bootlocker, my coworkers and I knew it was from dodgy porn
- homeless man masturbated on a bench under a blanket outside store, came in with busted grimy phone minutes later and wanted me to help him get a social welfare payment through their app
- old man showed me a picture unprompted of his fucked up diabetes leg and varicose veins in hospital during a sales transaction
- pervert man said he had a problem with his Internet connection, left a nude picture of him in his gallery for me to find when I unlocked his phone, I know he did it on purpose because he was looking at his phone moments before he locked it
- old woman slapped me with an ethernet cable while articulating rage at me because third party fibre company did something abhorrent to her house
- angry man threw his phone at me because he was credit declined and accused me of discrimination
- stupid man broke the slide and lock SIM tray on his new phone when he got home for some unknown reason after I set everything up fine, told my manager I broke it (lol), business team gave him a new phone
- fraudulent lady bullied the business team into a new phone by threatening to shift companies after her kid broke a phone and was too young for the insurance policy to cover it, complained that I asked questions
- landscaper man handed me a zip lock bag of grass clippings and what remained of his phone after it went through a lawnmower so insurance could confirm it was beyond economical repair
- revolting grandma handed me a wet phone and then told me after touching it that her granddaughter dropped it in the toilet (too proud to admit it fell out of her back pocket when she pulled her pants down), got shitty at me for giving her phone back, sanitising my hands, and telling her to bring it back dry so I could handle it safely
- autistic lady with chronically sweaty hands had to keep buying new button phones because her sweat was ruining them and she would only deal with me, refused to get a phone with an IP68 rating because she was afraid of smartphones giving her brain cancer
- cracking open a farmer's phone and having ancient cow shit crumble all over my hands
- delusional woman coming in with a cracked phone screen and saying it broke spontaneously while she was looking at it on a coffee table, sent it away for warranty as she requested and made her read through the terms and conditions stating what voids a warranty, she arrived to dispute the out of warranty inspection and repair quote I told her would happen, screamed insults at me when I refused to magic away the cost or give her phone back without paying for the cost, threw her broken phone at me before leaving
- sexist man asking for a male consultant that "knew what he was doing" because I told him his phone needed to be sent away for repair as the digitizer was busted ("no, Virgo, its a system problem, the screen is fine, there are no cracks, you're not scamming me into a repair"), refused to continue serving him and he laid a complaint about me being stupid

I hate users. I will never deal with them again directly. I had lovely experiences and people appreciated me with little gifts and cards but somehow it didn't outweigh the screeching retards when it came to my mental health.
These are all very hilarious.
 
Every latina professor was a well known cunt. Pissy at you for helping them, and then they complain to your supervisor, who then ignores it because it happened everytime.
In my experience latinas who are in a position where they know what they’re doing are some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet unless you’re being an ass or telling them something they know is bullshit.

A Latina that feels she is out of her depth is one of the most frightening creatures you can ever cross. Beware.
 
What happens when customers do this? what do you do with their shit if they leave without it?
Recycle the phone after a certain time period, usually 60ish days, could be 90. They also get trespassed from the store. Nobody threw items at any other sales person except me, so I know I inspire violence in people which is kind of terrifying. Most came back to apologise and I never accepted their apology. If they got angry or frustrated I could deal with it but throwing shit at me was a straight up ignore and fuck off or I'm calling the cops.
 
I had an individual call in because he was currently locked out of the mainframe, a mainframe segment none of us or any other member of another service group could access. This particular individual was apparently THE authority of the segment he was locked out of. As such when he attempted to login it would tell him to refer to [His full name] He was not able to reset his own account nor was there any other individual in the entire company who apparently had access, as such upper level IT literally told this guy to refer to himself both times he had the issue raised.

Fortune 100 corp by the way.
What happened after?
 
Oh boi, where do I even begin? I've been working in IT in an official capacity for 2 years but effectively doing it for closer to 5 years. Here is a small selection from my last job.

Pyscho black secretary cunt regularly comes to me for EVERYTHING. Printing anything, sending emails, word processing, scheduling calendar meetings for big boss. Mood swings so manic you have to avoid saying fucking anything because the slightest perceived insult will send her spiraling. I've never wanted to see someone suffer more than this cunt.

One time a VP came to my desk (already a bad sign) asking why his emails were auto CC'ing himself on every reply, ask to see his laptop so we can take a look. "No, I only use the mail app on my iPhone". Retard refused to use his laptop at all for email, even for troubleshooting, told him he would need to resync his gmail to the mail app. Refused because he "didn't want to do it that way", rephrased my initial suggestion slightly by using simpler words and suddenly it's a great idea to this fuckwit. It fixed the issue too.

Upper management decides it's a great idea to get rid of zoom to save a drop in the bucket worth of money and just use Google Meet. All our conference rooms are built around Zoom and it breaks FUCKING EVERYTHING in them. Now every time the execs or upper management use one IT has to send someone to dick around with it to get it sort of working. Everybody regularly wastes minutes and hours trying to get software not designed for these conference tools to function. Because wasting time saves us so much money, right guys?

The IT department manager is a clueless moron that regularly breaks shit, forces us to clean it up and then adds bureaucratic red tape for everything because he thinks that is what security is. I've been in the middle of helping VP's with support issues when this dickhead butts in and tells me off for not following his retarded processes that do nothing. This resulted in changing helping a VP solve a 5 minute problem into a two day slog for a glorified permission update that was well within the bounds of acceptable permissions for that VP's role.

My direct manager was a lazy bastard that pushed everything off onto me and regularly throws me under the bus for shit I wasn't even involved in. His manager is completely unaware he watches movies at his desk most of the time and has such a bad reputation that nobody approaches him for support anymore, but nobody wants to rock the boat so nobody reports shit. He's also in charge of maintaining the physical infrastructure (which he doesn't do) and caused our entire department to get called in to work three 16 hour days over memorial day weekend because this fuck up couldn't keep the servers/network running, so we had to completely rebuild the infrastructure. Somehow he didn't lose his job because his boss isn't technical at all and doesn't understand how badly he fucked up.

Cherry on top is we were always understaffed so me and one other IT guy basically did all the real work. Thank god nobody in charge ever gave a shit about SLAs so we basically worked on ticket when we had time to address their issue.
 
I've got some bad news IT bros. All the retarded that you notice all the time like shitty management, non-existent processes, or tools/capabilities going stale from lack of resource?

Yeah, it's exactly as you'd expect. Decision makers are misguided retards at best, but likely incrompensibily retarded. They honestly believe vendor sales pitches and that if all magically runs on the power of fairy dust.
 
I've got some bad news IT bros. All the retarded that you notice all the time like shitty management, non-existent processes, or tools/capabilities going stale from lack of resource?

Yeah, it's exactly as you'd expect. Decision makers are misguided retards at best, but likely incrompensibily retarded.

I don't think that is being disputed. This isn't even limited to our industry. all managers are like this.
 
I worked front desk at my previous job and my boss made me work on the shittiest fucking computer. It was still running Windows 8 and was full of old client information and things that could have been transferred onto a USB or something to be kept safe. He absolutely refused and when I tried to explain that my computer was slow and something needed to be done, he always blew me off. At least every two weeks I would try to make a new client sheet and the memory would be full. I couldn't delete anything myself because I "might delete something useful".

I'm so glad I'm not at that job anymore.
 
>be me
>actually have plans for the evening for once; gotta get home early so I can cook dinner and catch a movie
>having a slow day
>half an hour before I'm supposed to leave, I get an email
>"hey I think one of my employees' laptops died on him"
>it won't hold a charge
>try both power-draining and the emergency reset button, neither work
>going to have to set up a new laptop for him
>it's a software developer's laptop, which take forever due to having a bunch of extra shit to install
>bye-bye movie

*sigh*
 
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