Weird products and useless inventions at CES 2025 - WEIRD ANIMAL THINGS. 4D MASSAGE CHAIRS. AND AI PLANTS.

[LegoTugboat]

So, CES 2025 happened earlier this month, and with it, all the amazing, useful inventions and gadgets appeared, so, once again, let's take a look at the best.

Xpeng The Land Aircraft Carrier

Spoiler

A large 6 wheeled SUV that has an EVTOL in the back (Air Module). It opens up, and you can fly Air Module around and survey the area for camping, etc. 2 hours per charge, top speed of 90 kph.

The LAC has enough power for 6 full charges of Air Module, supposed to enter production in 2026. But only in China.

Roborock Saros Z70

Spoiler

Endless strewn socks on the floor ruining your robot vacuum's performance/combat capability?
Now there's one with an arm that can pick them up!

Bodyfriend 733
[spoiler]

[/spoiler]

A 4D full body massage chair, able to exercise arms, legs, shoulders, ankles, etc. And can be remote controlled.

BirdBuddy Petal
[spoiler]

[/spoiler]

Petal is a solar powered camera that clips onto stems, branches, etc, and uses AI to detect what's going on, from passing birds and bugs, tomatoes ripening, etc.

If you have a subscription, you can name individual birds/bugs/flowers that visit.

AeroCatTower
[spoiler]

[/spoiler]

A combination air purifier and cat bed. When your cat jumps on top of it, the purifier slows down and activates the seat warmer.

Aka something that your cat will never use. Ever.

Mirumi
[spoiler]

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A small clipon robot... sloth owl thing, clips onto your purse and when someone gets close, it looks away.

If someone's at a distance, it watches them, tracking their movement.

 

[Pedophobe]

So this is what happens when China runs out of things to steal from other countries.

 

[Fort Brooks]

What exactly does it mean that the Bodyfriend/Mech Loader XL is 4D? It can massage in the past, present, and future?

 

[LegoTugboat]

What exactly does it mean that the Bodyfriend/Mech Loader XL is 4D? It can massage in the past, present, and future?

I think it's partially set in another dimension.

 

[Grim_Autismo]

A small clipon robot... sloth owl thing, clips onto your purse and when someone gets close, it looks away.

$70 to crowdfund this shit? SIGN ME UP. No AI? Just some stupid little thing I can clip to my desk and freak people out? Hell yes.

 

[Cats]

BODYFRIEND

 

[WULULULULU]

>Bodyfriend
>AI-less
>Full body massage
>Remote-controllable
GIVE

 

[Astro Galactic Megalul]

EV van for the environmentally conscious child predators

 

[Nero Fiddled]

Petal is a solar powered camera that clips onto stems, branches, etc, and uses AI to detect what's going on, from passing birds and bugs, tomatoes ripening, etc.

If you have a subscription, you can name individual birds/bugs/flowers that visit.

Gosh.
Buy one of these and you can get rid of all those pesky friends forever.

 

[SCV]

A combination air purifier and cat bed. When your cat jumps on top of it, the purifier slows down and activates the seat warmer.

They know cats lay on things because they're warm not because it will warm up in the future right?

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Saw a clip from a convention of similar scope but for agricultural shit. They had wack-ass boats and this combine harvester with AI flamethrowers and shit.

These lukewarm concepts somehow made fucking farm machinery more appealing.

 

[oh no its pipkun]

Bodyfriend 733

i've seen variants of these at the oriental mall, they feel real nice but they're made for tiny asian bodies.

 

[General Emílio Médici]

The roomba that can pick up socks and assorted trash actually looks useful, I am shocked.

 

[xXthrowawayaccountXx]

All this shit looks so fucking useless and GAY.

The roomba that can pick up socks and assorted trash actually looks useful, I am shocked.

Like this. Cool, it picks up the socks. Andwhere does it put them down? That arm is not long enough to put whatever it holds in a tradtional hamper. Am I going to have to buy their special gay little mini hamper that it puts the socks in? Is that feature going to come with another subscription that I need to pay?

It's why I can't get excited for any of this garbage. We all know this is all going to require a subscription or some connection to a server or it needs a faggot little app, and because these people hate repairibility, fuck you if the little chinese wiring breaks and you can't get into it. Within a year all this stuff then ends up in some landfill for the next wave of useless crap.

 

[Private Tag Reporter]

I will take one Bodyfriend and one Mirumi please.

 

[crowabunga]

The Bodyfriend would be indispensable should I want to fight a xenomorph, or gift it to a wealthy relative and remotely snap their neck

Edit: a sharp blue glare just went off behind me. I turned around, shocked, only to find a sealed envelope had appeared in the middle of the floor. I looked inside. It says I need to buy a Bodyfriend. It's in my own handwriting.