What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[Caesare]

A retarded trend that’s been going on recently is taking a known name and changing one letter, examples I’ve seen are: Niles, Darton, Havid, Beffrey

I like Beffrey because it sounds like a name you'd make up on the spot if you were giving someone a fake name.

Not a person's name, but there's a city somewhere in America called Sheboygan that always sounded made up to me.

Just imagine how silly it would be if you were "Beffrey from Sheboygan".

And while not a stupid or unusual name, I think "Vince" is a funny name but in a good way.

 

[Clotso Coof]

Came here to post Shitavious Cook, but someone already got him. That was always my favorite.

Sadly, Shitavious is no longer gracing planet Earth with his presence:

Y'all realize 'Shitavious' wasn't just a meme, right?

https://archive.md/9GSdA

Shitavious dimed out Demeco and Felton yo.

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

I like Beffrey because it sounds like a name you'd make up on the spot if you were giving someone a fake name.

Not a person's name, but there's a city somewhere in America called Sheboygan that always sounded made up to me.

Just imagine how silly it would be if you were "Beffrey from Sheboygan".

And while not a stupid or unusual name, I think "Vince" is a funny name but in a good way.

There are multiple Sheboygans/Cheboygans across the U.S.A.

 

[⠠⠠⠅⠑⠋⠋⠁⠇⠎ ⠠⠠⠊⠎ ⠠⠠⠁ ⠠⠠⠋⠁⠛]

Came here to post Shitavious Cook, but someone already got him. That was always my favorite.

Sadly, Shitavious is no longer gracing planet Earth with his presence:

Nah son Shitavious is holding up. He in minsec in East Moline watching the river and getting ready for parole in 2026.

 

[Clotso Coof]

Nah son Shitavious is holding up. He in minsec in East Moline watching the river and getting ready for parole in 2026.

No way, I thought he died fleeing from the cops? Maybe that was Sharkeisha or something.

Glad to know my boy Shitavious will be back in the crime blotter in a few years.

 

[thegooddoctor]

If Cuthbert isn't the worst uncool sounding male name ever I don't know what Is. Its like these parents want their child to be beaten up, Its criminal.

 

[glass_houses]

If Cuthbert isn't the worst uncool sounding male name ever I don't know what Is. Its like these parents want their child to be beaten up, Its criminal.

I see your Cuthbert and raise you a Eugene.

 

[Caesare]

I see your Cuthbert and raise you a Eugene.

I'd wager "Chester" is a worst name than either of those.

 

[Dysnomia]

Do bad names on the internet count?
View attachment 3213805
Yes, Tiberius is apparently after James Tiberius Kirk. Why the fuck could they not name him James, or even Kirk?? Poor kid, they could've given him a normal first name.
(ETA source tweet. Of course everyone in the replies loves the name too.)

Wildstar is a good name for a horse. That's about it. Poor kid. Both his names suck.

Any weird hippie name is bad. The Geldoff kids all have weird names.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Geldof#Personal_life

Fifi Trixibelle
Peaches Honeyblossom
Little Pixie

Bob Geldoff also gained full custody of Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates daughter Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. Oddly she calls herself Tiger instead of Lily.

Peaches died of a heroine overdose in 2014. As expected of a woman named Peaches.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

I’ve heard a couple different women call out for their son Maverick to get their ass back over to their grocery cart. I don’t know if it’s a Top Gun reference.

I once saw a big black guy on Maury named Simian. Y’know, another word for ape.

 

[The Littlest Shitlord]

If Cuthbert isn't the worst uncool sounding male name ever I don't know what Is. Its like these parents want their child to be beaten up, Its criminal.

St. Cuthbert of the Cudgel is actually a god in Dungeons & Dragons. What is he like? Well, here is a representative paragraph from the adventure "Vecna Lives!":

The stout priests of St. Cuthbert do not provide information without first attempting to convert player characters or, if followers, for reprimanding them for backsliding. This always takes the form of a long harangue and possibly a good, firm beating (if the priests can get away with it). If the characters are on good terms with the priests, the beating can be skipped.

There's also a somewhat well-known Catholic saint named Cuthbert. Apparently he was a zealous defender of the faith who fought against pagans in battle or something, so this Cuthbert probably beat people too. Perhaps this is like when parents name their daughter Chastity hoping she won't be a slut, where they hope that their son won't be a pussy.

 

[glass_houses]

St. Cuthbert of the Cudgel is actually a god in Dungeons & Dragons. What is he like? Well, here is a representative paragraph from the adventure "Vecna Lives!":



There's also a somewhat well-known Catholic saint named Cuthbert. Apparently he was a zealous defender of the faith who fought against pagans in battle or something, so this Cuthbert probably beat people too. Perhaps this is like when parents name their daughter Chastity hoping she won't be a slut, where they hope that their son won't be a pussy.

With a name like Cuthbert, there's really only two directions he can go: ultimate pussy, or raging beast who fuckin' owns it.

 

[MysticMisty]

I see your Cuthbert and raise you a Eugene.

In my opinion Caleb is worse than either of those.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Dirk. It's so close to dick.

 

[Preferred Penne]

With a name like Cuthbert, there's really only two directions he can go: ultimate pussy, or raging beast who fuckin' owns it.

Or a middle manager at a third-rate London department store.

 

[NoReturn]

If your family name is "Ennis", don't give your kid a name starting with the letter P.

 

[Latvophile]

In my opinion Caleb is worse than either of those.

I fucking hate that name so much, makes me think of your stereotypical white teenage SoundCloud rapper living on a council estate trying to copy nigger "hood" culture, usually with both parents lounging around on benefits and about six siblings that have all willingly got pregnant by the age of about 10...

Dirk. It's so close to dick.

It's like combining 'dork' and 'dick'.

Perhaps this is like when parents name their daughter Chastity hoping she won't be a slut

Fucking 'Chastity'. What. I'm sorry, what. That sounds like a crossdresser/twink pornstar first name or something, for fuck's sake.

 

[Haint]

Went to school with a dude named Skipper. A big dumb redneck who always smelled like onions. Always felt bad for him, even though he was an obnoxious asshole. Quess I would be too of my name was Skipper.

 

[Iron Jaguar]

If Cuthbert isn't the worst uncool sounding male name ever I don't know what Is. Its like these parents want their child to be beaten up, Its criminal.

Neville/Rupert/Gaylord

Dirk. It's so close to dick.

For people of Scots heritage, it's a very masculine-sounding name, since a dirk is a type of dagger.

 

[icebag]

I haven't looked at the Mormon name site in ten years but, so help me, the last time I did I swear I saw Tugdick and Vulva Mae.

Caleb likely has a twin brother named Jacob and a sister named Hazel. Vile names, all of them.

Dammit, I double posted. Mea maxima culpa.