What cult would you join if you had to join a cult? - Scientology is on the decline, whats the next fad?

Sailor Kim Jong Moon

Sailor Kim Jong Moon

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Sep 9, 2021
If you had to join an already established cult - which one?

I’m defining cults as anything that is explicitly religious (Troons/SJWs etc don’t count) or involves a creation/doomsday mythos. So, if it’s technically not religious but believes reptile aliens will send an asteroid to destroy earth on 2/22/2022 then yes - it’s a cult. The cult must have a few followers to qualify.

Major religions don’t count either. Leave the Catholics, Jews, Muslims, and snake handlers out of this please.

Bonus points if the cult has an insane web presence like Heaven’s Gate.
 
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Zendik Farms of course
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Sir Bartleby Montclair said:
Jehovah's Witness. I grew up with a Jehovah's Witness and she got out of everything. They're not allowed to do shit. She didn't have to stand for the pledge. She didn't have to participate in any holiday shit because holidays aren't allowed. I would love more than anything to have a polite excuse to not go to company Christmas parties or Thanksgiving gatherings. All that for a cult that's pretty tame as far as cults go. No harm to myself until I can't get a blood transfusion.
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Being an actual JW (not just to duck out of holidays) sounds pretty miserable to me, because the "witness" part means they make you go out and, well, witness to the populace whether it makes sense or not. If you've ever seen those people in the subway with carts full of Bible tracts, those are usually JWs grinding out their mandatory witnessing hours. I once got a handwritten letter from some JW kid on notebook paper inviting me to their church, because he had quite clearly been told to spam every house in town. It was terribly sad.

I'm going to ask Mrs. Jesus Christ Sonichu-Chandler to have a talk with Jehovah about the way he's running his church, I think it's time for some changes.
 
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Love Has Won seems like fun, lots of drugs and fairy lights.
Or the Pussy Church of Modern Witchcraft, I hadn't heard of that until I saw it in the Similar Threads underneath this one.
 
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Mormonism. Like the ultra-white-Utah-dozen wives Mormons.

Hey they all have big houses, multiple women and a bunch of kids they don’t have to look after. Throw in a Cadillac and sneak me some liquor and I’d be happy.
 
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