What famous actor should play the user above you in a movie?

John Cleese, or if he's not available, the guy who does the Carmax commercials.
 
I want a movie about my life and experiences as a biracial North American Indian, with my parents acting as themselves... BUT! with me in every scene, including childhood, without ANY explanation whatsoever... being played by Denzel Washington or Morgan Freeman. And the whole thing must be directed by Wiseau from The Room.

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Bonus: the actual Washington or Freeman shows up in a cameo, like when someone's watching a movie, but he's played by @Cosmos. Also with no explanation given whatsoever.

And at least one human character of importance must be played by a cat or dog. With no explanation given ever.
 
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