What if Hulkamania didn't exist?

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
champthom

champthom

"Champthom doesn't bullshit."
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
Founder
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 30, 2013
Hypothetical situation - Hulk Hogan was never born, there was no wrestler, and Hulkamania never existed. What would happen?

I posted this before on the old incarnation of the forum, but I'm posting it here as I've given more thought to it. I think without Hulkamania, people wouldn't be proud to be a real American. As a result, America loses the Cold War in the 80s. The Soviet Union takes over an empathetic United States and turns it into another satellite state for its own gain. The rest of Europe and the free world falls as well under Soviet control. China tries to influence power and there's wars between the Soviet Union and China over the control of Africa, like in "1984." Pretty much it'd be like that TV miniseries "Amerika" meets "1984." in other words, it'd be bleak as hell. Plus professional wrestling would be banned as the new Soviet overlords would declare it to be an example of the decadence of capitalism.

The worst part is America wouldn't fight back - everyone is too fat and lazy because there was no Hulk Hogan to encourage people to train hard, eat their vitamins, and say their prayers.
 
If Hulkmania didn't exist we would all look like Borb.
 
you are asking an impossible question.
something as inconceivable as imagining new colors or the vastness of the universe.
 
CatParty said:
you are asking an impossible question.
something as inconceivable as imagining new colors or the vastness of the universe.
Click to expand...

You just blew my mind, man. *yawn*
 
A bone chilling, but excellent question.

Jimmy, "Superfly," Snuka gets Vince Jr.'s big push as he goes for national expansion.

Superfly-mania is running wild instead during the 80's until finally 'Modern Day Warrior' Kerry Von Erich beats him clean when he rolls out of the way of the big splash from the top at Wrestlegeddon VI and locks in the Iron Claw for the clean submission victory.

The number of girlfriends mysteriously falling from balconies to their death in America increases exponentially between the years '83 and '90 including a one Barbara Weston one night in a house show in Virginia stop after she drunkenly flings herself at Snuka and accepts his invitation upstairs to go for the metaphorical big splash at the Charlottesville hotel attached bar closest to the basketball arena, and thus no CWC or that dang dirty ED page, or the CWCki documenting all the lulz that ensue just from Hulkamania's existence.

So kind of like Days of Future Past in the X-Men comics, just with less giant mutant hunting robots and more atmospheric gloom. But at least wrestling fans get to see a world champion with one foot and the ability to finish off a Scarface sized pile of cocaine without batting an :tomgirl: or being able to complete a coherent promotional interview beat a savage woman killer who's considered a hero to the populace at large.
 
Kerry Von Erich would have beat the Iron Sheik for the title and got that big push in 1984.

I don't think it would have been quite the same though, there's only one Hulkster.
 
Snuka was over like crazy, but he didn't have the mic skills to be the guy for the WWF. Hogan just had that "it" factor that wrestling needed at the time.

If it wasn't for Hogan I likely never would have ever watched wrestling.

Thank you, Hulkster! :hulkster: :hulkster: :hulkster:


o77tj.jpg
 
You're welcome, brother! Not just for being there for the WWF, but for America. Can you imagine a world where Sargent Slaughter was sympathizing with the Iraqis and holding the WWF title? Or Nikolai Volkoff spreading his communist propaganda on American soil? The Hulkster cannot, man!
 
Heenan Family would take over the WWF. Chaos would ensue. 30 years later justice would be served in the form of The Shield.
 
The balance of the universe would be turned upside down. Man would become like the animal, animal will become like the dirt, and dirt will become like the JEW.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom