What if: LOLPirates

DykesDykesChina

DykesDykesChina

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Feb 3, 2013
What if all the LOLcows, fed up with being mocked all the time, decided to quit society for good and became outlaws of the sea, chartering a pirate ship in order to loot and pillage in the Carribean?

Who would be in the crew? Who would be their captain, their navigator, their gunner etc.? And what sort of adventures would they have?


My crew picks:

Captain - The Amazing Atheist (probably has best planning and cognitive abilities of them)

Navigator - Anthos the Crimson Impulse (he probably can read a map)

Gunner - ADF (knows something about weapons)

Rank-and-file pirate grunts - Social Justice Warriors, Loveshys and Bronies

The ship's figurehead - Chris

Zombie-like weirdos that live in the ship's storage hold - the Wizards

Swordmaster - King Peter Fitzek (has been martial arts teacher)

Pirate-song-singing organizer - Alejandro Cao de Benyo de Lez y Perez

Sexy girl pirate (gotta have this one!) - Alix Henriol

Ship's youngster - SammyClassicSonicFan

Pet monkey - JustinRPG


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Like the SJWs would allow a white man to be their captain.
 
Where would RIka and Nick Bate fit in such a scenario?
 
Pirates of the CariWEEN.
curse of the black pony
 
It would be fun to see Pixyteri battle Alix for the privilege of being an ultra kawaii desu pirate girl chan.
 
Mr. 0 said:
Where would RIka and Nick Bate fit in such a scenario?
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And Fschmidt? I don't think he'd be happy just to be a grunt.
 
Chris would probably be better suited as a boatswain. He always had ambitions to be a Heavyweight who moves boxes and shit.

Parkourdude would stick around in vain hopes that the pirate ship will become a privateer vessel - all proper warships have MUREENS in the hold waiting for action, after all. Until that, he he'd be suited for the role of the obligatory pirate guy who just hangs on the deck smoking pipe and doing nothing.

Crazy Gail isn't a lolcow and needs damn help, but I'm sure she would be an invaluable aid for the pirate crew. She knows exactly where the evil Jesuit missionaries hid the treasures all around the Caribbean.
 
exball said:
Fishkill said:
Mr. 0 said:
Where would RIka and Nick Bate fit in such a scenario?
Click to expand...
Nick Bate would be sold into slavery.
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Who would pay money for Nick?
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I'm sure a slaver...well, probably not...maybe an organ harvester...well, they wouldn't want him either...maybe a circus would buy him for a sideshow freak?

Actually, he'd be good for torturing prisoners. If someone doesn't want to tell you where they hid their money, just send in Nick and they'll spill the beans after about five minutes with him.
 
Pixyteri would be the tavern wench in a seedy port town.
 
The crew I'd choose:
The lackies: Love-shys

The captain: Amazing Atheiest (He has fame and a following)

The swashbuckler and navigator: Anthos the Crimson Impulse, A.K.A The Unknown Autobot (his mech-sona is a robo-organic space swashbuckler.)

The story-teller/entertainer: A-Log (His rants and fan-fiction would suffice, even if it's painful.)

Female member: DisneyFan01 (Because she writes her fan-fic where she has a space pirate adventure in Kingdom Hearts without the non-Disney characters.)

The barnacles of the ship: SJW's

The parrot: Chris-Chan

The doctor: ADF (Because why not?)

It may not be the best list but this is the best I can do, for now probably.
 
c-no said:
The story-teller/entertainer: A-Log (His rants and fan-fiction would suffice, even if it's painful.)

Female member: DisneyFan01 (Because she writes her fan-fic where she has a space pirate adventure in Kingdom Hearts without the non-Disney characters.)
Click to expand...

I personally would want to see the two team up to tell a story together.

Other than that, I don't think there's anyone better than Amazing Atheist who could be captain. Though I think the tartlets and furies should be part of the grunts.
 
The Wizards would start a mutiny over Pixy, DF, and Rika(?) being allowed on board.
Captain TAA would throw them overboard because he's 6'7" and can beat anyone in a fight, you can't change the laws of physics.
Ulillilia would be first mate because he actually gives a shit about learning new trades, ignore his fear of "blue water"
Jace would be the gunner with his deagle.
 
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