Containment What If?

Phobotech said:
What if someone worse than Chris emerged? Someone that hit all of the same points, but not in an aware parody like Liquid Chris...but a completely unintentional, new lolcow that has all the same problems but amplified?

A shiny and new lolcow, reminiscent of the golden years of Chris Chan.

Would the fascination with CWC and all the attention he usually receives die off as it empties out into this new person? One moment, he has a whole forum and a wiki and documentaries and interviews...the next it all comes crumbling down out of lack of interest. He might even discover its because of another, similarly exceptional person being trolled.

What would he do? Would he be relieved to be ignored for once?
Click to expand...

If that were the case, we can probably compares this more in line with Jace Connors or even DSP as the are the biggest lolcow target in the post-Bob's death era, excluding the fact the Jace was an act. A dedicated trolling group will form (like Al-Gamerfood and Sons of Kojima) targeting them. However, this community would treat the cow more cautiously, due to w3 3ns aspiring to become the next Clyde Cash. We saw how some cows with CWC's traits are driven off or are subdued because of them. These aspiring speds will also set the discovery of more lolcows similar to Hirtes and Fred Fuchs.
As for a dedicated wiki, the Cwcki was only successful because Chris revealed too much info about himself and I find the Lolcow wiki to be sorely lacking due to the more cautious natures of lolcows these days. Speaking of being more cautious, if that cow were to be a tranny or part of LBGT, the white knights would be more difficult to deal with, with worst possible case having an article sympathizing with the lolcow as seen with those discovered at the height of Gamergate.
As for the end, despite Chris being pretty much dry, he still has his own forum due to the his legacy attracting new viewers, so whether the that cow is enough notorious, the attention received may last for years to come. A documentary or interview would require a lolcow to be known across the internet, which is why Jace remains pretty obscure and forgotten.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Syaoran Li, Broseph, Mr. 0 and 1 other person
Apocalypso said:
What if Chris went to North Sentinel island and actually befriended the tribe?
Click to expand...
a.) They'd think he's some kind of monster and kill him.
b.) :optimistic:He'd master their language, tell them about Sonichu and other dimensions and become the fat, tranny, crazy-old-lady-dressed-like-a-preteen version of Kurtz. Bonus - they make a Sonic totem and the elders of the tribe wear Sonichu medallions.
c.) They mistake him for a small beached whale and decide to add Chris to their diet, thus making their first contact with highly processed junk food.
 
  • Winner
  • Semper Fidelis
  • Like
Reactions: Snuckening, Army Burger, Broseph and 4 others
AsianChris said:
What if Chris got oriental martial arts classes from a good dojo (or at least one that isn't a scam)? Would they teach some actual values and virtues? Or Chris would become a bigger threat to people around? Considere he would not quit untill 1 year at training for some reason.
Click to expand...

Realistically Chris would do something to get himself banned from the dojo, just like he does everywhere else.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Army Burger, Syaoran Li and AnOminous
Apocalypso said:
What if Chris went to North Sentinel island and actually befriended the tribe?
Click to expand...
Surprisingly, I can see him being a bit more productive than he is now a days being forced to face the elements. He'll make friends, poorly craft baskets, and tend to cooking fires. He'll even be given the chance to dawn his breasts with the rest of the tribeswomen.

But at the end of the day when the boars are cooked and the tales of the hunt are told. The tribe will come to the realisation that he shits his loincloth and does nothing.
 
  • Winner
  • Semper Fidelis
Reactions: Army Burger, Syaoran Li, Broseph and 3 others
Pickelhaube said:
If that were the case, we can probably compares this more in line with Jace Connors or even DSP as the are the biggest lolcow target in the post-Bob's death era, excluding the fact the Jace was an act. A dedicated trolling group will form (like Al-Gamerfood and Sons of Kojima) targeting them. However, this community would treat the cow more cautiously, due to w3 3ns aspiring to become the next Clyde Cash. We saw how some cows with CWC's traits are driven off or are subdued because of them. These aspiring speds will also set the discovery of more lolcows similar to Hirtes and Fred Fuchs.
As for a dedicated wiki, the Cwcki was only successful because Chris revealed too much info about himself and I find the Lolcow wiki to be sorely lacking due to the more cautious natures of lolcows these days. Speaking of being more cautious, if that cow were to be a tranny or part of LBGT, the white knights would be more difficult to deal with, with worst possible case having an article sympathizing with the lolcow as seen with those discovered at the height of Gamergate.
As for the end, despite Chris being pretty much dry, he still has his own forum due to the his legacy attracting new viewers, so whether the that cow is enough notorious, the attention received may last for years to come. A documentary or interview would require a lolcow to be known across the internet, which is why Jace remains pretty obscure and forgotten.
Click to expand...

I'd be inclined to agree with this statement in its entirety.

Parkourdude91 was probably the closest we came to ever getting a second Chris in the classic sense. He had his own wiki, a devoted following, and organized trolling in the vein of Clyde Cash and the PVCC crew during the "Classic Chris" era and in my personal opinion, was probably the second-most influential lolcow in this forum's history and culture, even if he did turn out to be a complete hoax.

Hell, Jace and the drama that surrounded him would probably be the driving force that shifted CWCki Forums to the present day Kiwi Farms. I think the name even comes from one of Jace's videos, if I remember correctly.

Oddly enough, I started lurking on this forum back at the tail end of the Deagle Nation stuff back in 2015, although I did have a passing familiarity with Chris, I always thought Jace was the funnier lolcow of the two, despite being a fake lolcow.

But because Deagle Nation turned out to be nothing more than an elaborate prank, Jace sort of faded from memory in most places. The Farms is pretty much the only place I can think of that followed the ruse that still actively remembers or references it, while ED and the chans quit caring once it turned out to be fake.

Of the actual lolcows, the only ones who could come close to matching pre-2011 Chris would have to be DSP.

DSP is probably the closest to Classic Chris or Jace in terms of popularity and infamy. That being said, I don't really follow his antics but I know his sub-forum is fairly active and he doesn't have the kind of white knights that Brianna Wu and some of the Rat King troons have.

Here's the thing about a "new Chris", I don't think there will ever be another lolcow on the same level as Chris was back in the day. It was one of those "lightning in a bottle" situations where everything just happened to fall in line perfectly and you couldn't replicate it again even if you tried to.
 
  • Agree
  • Feels
  • Like
Reactions: Pickelhaube, Picklechu, Marvin and 7 others
AsianChris said:
What if Chris got oriental martial arts classes from a good dojo (or at least one that isn't a scam)? Would they teach some actual values and virtues? Or Chris would become a bigger threat to people around? Considere he would not quit untill 1 year at training for some reason.
Click to expand...
He would take 1-4 classes, declare himself a master, and never attend ever again. He would then go on to bow in every video and talk in an accent.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: fiu0cm
Apocalypso said:
What if Chris went to North Sentinel island and actually befriended the tribe?
Click to expand...

He'd come bearing hoard-borne ilnesses and kill off the whole tribe within a week.

Dude's immune system must be staggering not to be constantly sick from the filth swirling at his lair. Can you possibly imagine what would happen to natives with no resistances?

Poor bastards would probably just melt as soon as he got within 1000 feet. Or he'd turn them all into Nurgle plague zombies. Dude would be like Typhus.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Broseph and Second Missing Primarch
What if Chris was just trolling us libtards and this was just a ruse all along?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back