Containment What If?

Darth Insanius said:
What if the Idea Guys brainwashed Chris using Dark Souls/Fromsoft games instead of Neptunia?
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Don't really think it would work to be honest. Chris is a consumerist lemming, and Dark Souls is too hard for a lot of even decent gamers, so there is no way he would be able to beat it. I also believe Hyperdimension Neptunia has a TV show so he can consume it without playing the games: a quick browse of his PS Profile would indicate he hasn't played them that much.

I also think it would be less like Chris to want to play anything targeted AT adults. Sure, he likes some 18 rated films or Games, absolutely. But his love of random access humorous and chuldish things would turn him off the Souls franchise.

That being said, if it were to happen:
Chris would be utterly confused during the brainwashing phase, struggle to understand or play the games, and lose interest quickly. Ultimately, it would therefore be far better than all this CPU nonsense.
 
LittleBigMac said:
not sure it would curb the whole lolcow thing cuz tards gonna tard, so this site may still exist. But Bob's life would have been vastly improved.
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It’s a A Hitler, v A. Hitler situation.

Simply put, if it wasn’t Adolf Hitler who had lead a powerful movement within Germany and ultimately started World War Two, then an equally influential figure would have done so.

Had there not been Chris Chandler, there still would have been “Chris Chan”.

Possibly that is why Fong Jones is so angry, as he saw the dimension where kiwi farms is Lizgreylands.st
 
Preacher ✝ said:
What if a black streamer decided to react to the entire Comprehensive History series?

What if he then decided to occasionally wear a pickle suit?

Enter Saimir Shogun, a black streamer who, in May of 2022, began an ongoing endeavor to react to Chris Chan: A Comprehensive History.


During episode 17 of his efforts, he reached part 26 while coincidentally wearing his pickle suit for the only third time.

Behold.
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Ok, the dimensional merge is real. I'm selling all my Earthly possessions and giving the earnings to Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu Prime.
 
Preacher ✝ said:
What if a black streamer decided to react to the entire Comprehensive History series?

What if he then decided to occasionally wear a pickle suit?

Enter Saimir Shogun, a black streamer who, in May of 2022, began an ongoing endeavor to react to Chris Chan: A Comprehensive History.


During episode 17 of his efforts, he reached part 26 while coincidentally wearing his pickle suit for the only third time.

Behold.
View attachment 8784263
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The Kiwi Gold sponsored posts are Null's greatest gift to the Farms. God fucking DAMN this had me cackling.
 
Dread First said:
The Kiwi Gold sponsored posts are Null's greatest gift to the Farms. God fucking DAMN this had me cackling.
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Felt kinda selfish sponsoring my own post, but I was shocked that this footage has been out there for three years without being posted to KF. So I just really wanted to share it with everyone.
 
Indrick Boreale said:
What if Chris got into Warhammer 40,000?
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Classic Chris would be a devoted follower of the emprah, and have his own red-white-blue-yellow Sonichu legion that enforces the law in CWCville. They'd have a role similar to his Transformers references, as an auxiliary set of good guys that show up to supplement the heroes.

Boring modern Chris would like Slaanesh, but his posts about it would look like they were ghostwritten by whoever his handler was at any given time.

BubbaRobot887 said:
What if Bob had told Christopher that the stupid robot bear wasn't god and refused to let Christopher change his name?
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I think some tough love could've sorted him out, applied consistently. He'd be stocking shelves at Wal-Mart, and maybe he'd have found a boyfriend-free tard gf through the social network of one of his coworkers.

If it were just a one-off, though, it'd have been added to his list of excuses for why his life was so bad back in the old days, and then it would've made a resurgence during the tranny-anime-deity arc as proof of his divinity.

themarchivist2 said:
If you had the opportunity to write and direct a 90-minute CWC movie, where would it begin and end, and what changes/cuts (if any) would you make for the story to flow better?
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The tragedy of Chris is that he had two legitimately perfect endings and squandered both of them in the dumbest way possible.

The second is obviously his respectable grifter arc, showing up at cons, doing panels, and being trollshielded by an elite cadre of former trolls. He even had a boyfriend free girl willing to sleep with him (suittress).

The first, though, makes for a way better movie ending.
  • Open it with a narrated montage of his childhood, saving some of the critical moments for later as flashbacks.
    • The letter from his elementary school teacher would be the anchor point, with special emphasis. It'd get reprised near the ending, with the first half of the letter being read and fading out halfway through. The second half gets played in a callback later on.
  • Next up is his foray into adulthood. The transition point between these is his invention of Sonichu in grade school. He goes to college for CAD, tries to start a comic series, puts up attraction signs. We fudge things a little bit in the direction of success - a few people read the comics before discarding them, a few girls show up to his attraction sign either as a joke or believing that he is joking. This runs up until the internet's discovery of him in 2005.
  • Each major 'arc' of trolling gets its own little section, after that. The narrator begins each section by mentioning what the trolls have learned about him since their last go. The intial ED arc is separated from the boyfriend-free girl arc even though they coincided. The various ED-associated trolls, from Hill to Cash to Miyamoto, all get little skits depicting their trolling.
  • The sweetheart sagas begin with the narrator describing 20-something Chris as one might describe a kid going through puberty. "Starting to feel strange things. Looking... for love." It's kicked off by Chris stating his feelings (which he can't describe yet) for Megan after trolls call him gay, causing her to leave his life.
    • The narrator continues the exposition pattern from the prior section. "At long last, the trolls had discovered the single most effective way to get under young Christian's skin..."
    • Some of the sweethearts get montage'd out, showing up for a few comedic seconds in between plot-important ones. Bluespike is among those, but toned way down.
  • The last sweetheart is none other than Kacey, supplemented by Liquid Chris. Rather than coming in after his short exile, Liquid impersonates him by some other means, and enters after he starts 'dating' Kacey, stealing her away.
    • Over time, he grows to like Chris, and starts trying to reform him. This concludes with his final video, which can essentially be reshot as-is.
    • Chris watches it, stares at his screen for a while, and then the movie fades to black.
    • The teacher's letter is replayed at this point.
  • Chris is seen gathering video supplies. He goes outside, walks to the square, and films Rollin' and Trollin'. This scene is shown from the perspective of his camera - it's essentially a reshoot of the video.
    • The actor is given license to improve on Chris's social skills a bit, and make it clear that the Sonichu references in the video are joking/sarcastic, and all part of a bit where he mocks the trolls for believing his ridiculous life was real.
  • Cut to black. Movie over.

You'd want a narrator with dry wit but an approachable tone, sort of like you'd see in a children's movie (fitting for our protagonist). Something like the narrator in The Gods Must Be Crazy, and for the same reasons. The narrator would follow along throughout the movie, providing an anchor point to his insane behavior.

Overall, it'd be a lighthearted comedy. His worse behavior would be filed down, such that he's deserving but not irredeemable. The audience can laugh at his follies, but be happy when he learns from his mistakes and leaves the internet forever.
 
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