Containment What If?

...actually learned how to capitalize on his "success"? What if Chris made peace with all of us "trolls" (let's face it, we're his fans) and had a CWCCon at his local fire hall or something, and charged us all 50 bucks for tickets. Meet and greets with Chris and Barb! Tour of the Chandler homestead! Bus tours of famous locations! (500 yards away look at the Game PLace). See the Target Chris was banned from! His favorite McDonald's! Original Sonichu artwork! Get a personalized Love Quest sign!

What if one day he just says, you know what, I want to make some money off of this. I mean, like it or not, CWC is famous. Internet famous or no, a hundred people are here talking about him every day. ChrisCon. It could be a thing, if he wanted it to be. He could actually make MONEY off the "dang, dirty trolls". Wouldn't this be a victory?
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

What if this "What if" thread was in the "What if" section? :pickle:
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

The Dude said:
What if this "What if" thread was in the "What if" section? :pickle:
Click to expand...

I done goofed, Dude. I done goofed real bad.


Mods plz move. :cry:
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

The problem is that he has nothing to capitalize on. At best he was a very obscure internet personality that nobody ever gave a damn about except those of us who were amused and fascinated by his idiotic life. He is only slightly less obscure to the world than he was 10 years ago. No one wants to meet and greet him. Nobody wants to pay him any money for anything he has to offer. He's a one trick pony who has already shamed himself in ways that he would be unable to duplicate publicly. Nobody really gives a shit about anything in his life that he finds important. He doesn't have the answers to the questions we really want answered.
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

Chris' goal seems to be regaining internet anonymity, though. Trying to make a quick buck off of his fame would probably move him in the opposite direction, so I doubt he'd go for it.
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

Thing is, this would probably work: Chris could make some money by hosting a CWCon (with a special JULAAAAYYYY shouting contest for the epic ween kids), selling "artwork" and Relics of Fail. I have heard of this "naked cowboy" dude in New York who plays the guitar on Times Square while wearing nothing but a speedo. He got the name "naked cowboy" trademarked. Maybe Chris could get the title "Autistic Manchild CWC" trademarked and make money by selling CWC costumes (Classic CWC with striped shirt and medallion, Gay Trucker CWC, Carlos Chantor, Tomgirl etc.), CWC posters, CWC bobbleheads, CWC bedsheets, CWC dinnerware etc.

Then, he would have to create an enduring internet presence to keep making money - start a pay site with weekly content, upload videos in which he talks about current affairs with trademarked CWC silliness, make game reviews, do publicity stunts...

Sadly, Chris is far too stupid to do this. And too lazy.
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

I've suggested many times that he really needs to just embrace his internet fame. There is just far too much content out there for Chris to fade away into obscurity. Embracing his fame helps take away his name from the trolls. It's reputation management.
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

The Dude said:
What if this "What if" thread was in the "What if" section? :pickle:
Click to expand...

Brother, what if the Hulkster was not a Hulkamaniac?
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

Because Chris lacks the maturity and intelligence to learn how to craft and market a self-deprecating caricature of himself.

Any embracing of his internet infamy would require certain concessions to da trolls he's not willing to make. The Mary Lee Walsh and Michael Snyder rivalries are lulzy to you and me. To Chris, that shit is 100% serious.
 
Anchuent Christory said:
Bridechu said:
I just read World War Z (finally) and the chapter on the otaku was relevant to this. He didn't realize his city went to shit for days because he was online, and only then it was because he finally got hungry when his parents disappeared. His weak body and lack of most practical skills meant he should have been dead. But at least he was smart, which led to his survival. Chris would have no skills with which to survive any kind of disaster.
Click to expand...

It's a little more relevant than that because even after he realised what was going on he still retreated back into his computer world because this alternate reality was all he knew. Remind us of anybody?

Lets be honest though, I'd imagine we'd all act like Chris to some degree in a disaster situation... Pure panic, only with a little less :briefs:
Click to expand...

I wonder what Chris would do if the power went out (:_(
 
DykesDykesChina said:
He may encounter some like-minded individuals.

otaku-pillow-person.jpg
Click to expand...

Chris would only consider him a window to hell.
 
I would do it. Sort of. I would get a crew of people to split the bid, then wear a very distinctive shirt to the meetup. Then I would excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and in goes the next person who paid, wearing the same distinctive shirt. Repeat until everyone has had their time with Chris, who, because of his inability to remember faces, is completely oblivious to what's been going on.
 
As we all know, Michael Snyder has put up with a vast amount of abuse from our Pet Lolcow:
-In earlier years, Borb apparently used the place as a daycare.
-Chris got in fights with other players and hogged the TV.
-Chris was repeatedly banned for his actions.
-Chris tried to take a picture of Snyder's daughter "for a dartboard"
-Chris insinuated that he was a Pedophile.

All of this predates 10/28/11.

Let's assume that the events of that day itself are unchanged, but Snyder and his legal counsel come to a realistic conclusion: Chris needs to be punished if he is to receive any peace in the future, because even calling the police on him before DID NOT suffice. Snyder is troubled by this course of events--but he decides to read the Cwcki, and about CWC's long history of problems with many businesses, his threatening behavior, etc.

How does the trial go down if Snyder himself decides that CWC needs to meet the full force of the law? How does Our Pet Lolcow fare with a short prison sentence, or Barb with a similar sentence.
 
Snyder would be seen in a bad light for being so harsh on the adult autistic child. I wonder if Snyder met with a lawyer (if you're running a business, you need a lawyer) to discuss what he should do. Snyder may not have been so easy on Chris out of the kindness of his heart but as a calculated move to get Chris out of his hair without looking bad. After all, Snyder just wanted Chris out of his hair and to make them pay for the damage they did. There was no point being vindictive.

I doubt they'd send someone like Barb to jail, there'd be no justice in sending an old :snorlax: to jail after staying out of trouble for most of her life. Chris, yeah, they might lock him up for a short time because he's young, but then again, he's an adult autistic child and may not do so well in jail.

They might get house arrest, longer probation and have to pay higher fines. Usually crimes can be punished with a fine or jail time or both. Really, if you were a judge, would you put either of them in jail? A fine probably would be a real punishment to them, although Chris has a :tugboat: and :snorlax: probably has a pension or some small income coming in. House arrest would be a stricter version of what Barb has Chris on now, so it might be a real punishment.

Unfortunately, Chris will never feel true remorse about what he did. He'll think Snyder tricked him no matter what punishment he got. And he did get off pretty light.
 
I will admit I am a fat person, who is currently trying to lose weight. I went swimming for an hour today and I felt so much better, as I was riding home. I don't just swim, I do cardio and weight lifting too.
Chris complains about how miserable he is. The thing is exercise has been shown to be a mood lifter, and any kind of movement is good for you. He would get out and work. He might get a chance to socialize, if he tried hard enough.
 
He'd get on the treadmill next to the hottest girl he could spot, and "jog" (waddle) along for 5 or 6 minutes while looking right at the girl and undressing her with his eyes. Then he'd take a break and walk out to the vending machine to recharge with a Gatorade, dripping a small river of brownish sweat behind him.

Then Barb would call him and pretend she was dying - wheezing, labored breathing, etc - to get him to come home.
 
If he went inside a pool, the water would turn brown...if not from dirt, from :briefs:

As for a workout, Chris would last about 10 minutes before falling out. He can't do a single pull-up, his push-ups are atrocious, and he can barely lift a case of lemonade...he would have to go to the gym for months to build muscle relative to an average person. Knowing Chris, he wouldn't have the willpower to go past a week.
 
He'd be there less than five minutes. Too many icky male chests.

Serious Response: He'd misuse one of the machines, tear/overwork a muscle, and never go back.
 
Kosher Dill is right. Barb would never let OPL out to go to the gym. If that didn't stop him, he's far too lazy to work out regularly.

Chris would most likely get hurt from trying to lift weights that were way too heavy for him, thinking he was a strong man.

Kosher Dill is also right that Chris would try to hit on hot women who just wanted to exercise and be left alone. He might hit on some strapping young man's wife or girlfriend, he'd get yelled at and threatened, which would lead to :briefs:

The lunkheads would make fun of him and Chris would nearly get into a fight with someone much bigger and stronger than he is, but then he'd back down like he did with TJ.

I don't think I need to say it: the gym Chris goes to would get :julay: calls.

If Chris got a personal trainer, he'd treat Chris like Bob Harper treated Joelle:

[youtube]9YsP7mb5R4c[/youtube]
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back