Containment What If?

Blue Max said:
This is not quite so easily done.

There are a lot of very tough women out there that could fight remarkably well for their weight and should not be underestimated in a fight, there are also a lot of delicate types or very petite ones. If it was described as a woman of perhaps 100 pounds and 5'2", taking on a general obese man and neither has any training, I'd probably still think the man wins.

Countering this somewhat is that women plain fight differently (and many would claim dirty), doing things like pulling hair and scratching with their fingernails.

The scenario is still viable, but I think even Chris would be able to do some damage to the average girl in a fight--so we'll bend the scenario back and suggest that the woman isn't an average girl--she's someone who is in good physical shape, perhaps some occupation training in fighting and definitely motivated to fight. Chris loses decisively; he smears the girl's makeup and contaminates her $100+ clothing with his fecal matter, but he's badly scratched up, likely bleeding, and definitely bruised.

He can't hide this. He might have been able to cry victim when another man kicks his ass, because he's an autistic man-child and the other guy should know better, but people will suspect that a girl doesn't go looking for fights. He will be blamed for the fight, and may face legal threats. At a minimum, its a stressor that might make the Lolcow chew his Hungry-Cow dinners a bit more apprehensively. At a maximum, Chris potentially faces assault charges--although its hard to see a legal case do much more than make Chris and Barb pay damages. 10/28/11 again, and that it happened after 10/28 might well mean that Chris does actual community service.

But we'll go with the probable case: Girl's friends and family are OUTRAGED that some fatass transvestite tried to hurt their beloved jewel. They wind up taking Lolcow and Company to court for damages; Lolcow doesn't show and the court redirects some tugboat to a more legitimate recipient. For months afterward, Chris winds up dealing with REAL trolls--guys that know the "victim" and want to beat the hell out of him, but know that he's mentally deranged. Chris probably craps his pants and flees in terror many times. This could even cut out things like McDonald's out of his daily routine.

Chris faces the humiliation that he's a weakling. Clearly the girl is a troll, and the actual trolls that appear to white knight the girl against Chris are also trolls; but they're also local trolls. He doesn't head out often, because they could be anywhere. His little world shrinks, his delusions grow--he could have beat that girl, but she didn't fight fair! He didn't want to beat the hell out of that girl, so he didn't, he's the good guy! Unlike Chris having to live up to his failures, losing to a girl would be enough of an outlier to Chris that it's "Luck" or "Troll Planning".

Frankly, if you've been beaten up by a girl, would you REALLY believe that the average girl could kick your ass? Or would you think she's an Afghan War Veteran who can administer a massive whomping? However legitimate the shock and outrage would be...it also seems hard to draw the right conclusions from it.

Alas, said Girl has friends and family. They might even want a rematch against the Lolcow.
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I actually take back what I said earlier, since Chris has done things like October 28 by impulse.
 
Chris would have more freedom but would have a worse financial situation.

He would spend most of it on games and McDonalds.
 
this is less of a "what if" and more of "why doesn't he"

he'd still poop himself
 
Boyfriend-free girls like a motherfucker. Too bad they'd be the worst kind imaginable, and would easily (and probably literally) screw him out every cent of that money.
 
How much does it cost to buy one of everything on PSN, including all the TV episodes?
 
The question is kind of moot, since he's not even capable of acknowledging mistakes, let alone correcting them.
 
Kosher Dill said:
I think he'd go back and stop Lucas and Mimms from taking that fateful picture of him at the GAMe PLACe. He's still convinced all the trolling was a direct result of that.
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And he will do it by doing a cliched "leap in front of the bullet" moment where he takes the "shot" for his earlier self, only for this new photo of corpulent, feculant, screaming transvestite chris to go down as the start of a christory far worse than before
 
I'd be somewhat happy for him. God knows if I was in his position I'd want to turn my life way the hell around.
 
But, but, this forum is only populated by trolls according to Anna and ass-patters like her! How can the poll be 85% jump for joy if the other poll rating him overwhelmingly a 1 on a 10 scale is just because it's being influenced downward by the collection of the same?

Unless . . . no! Maybe there's not really trolls here after all and Chris is just looking ugly to people that wish he would do something to improve his looks/life/employment status/financial situation/living situation, etc.?

But then, that would mean Anna doesn't know shit about what she's talking about to him and would make HER THE TROLL thanks to her 'Crazy Pacer,' post greater than five years ago!

:o
(:_(
 
I would be happy to hear that he finally got his shit together and got over :snorlax: and the ]:(P s, moved on, and made a better person of himself than just sitting there waiting for the universe to magically send him everything he wants.

Of course, it is more likely that he will remain at the shit heap known as 14 Branchland Court for the rest of his days with his insane mother and various species that have infested the house.

Ah, trying to get a job and my own place...so stressful...I think I'll (:_(

Alan Pardew said:
Making Sonichu.
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WE HAVE A WINNER :medallion:
 
He'd probably do something incredibly destructive like manage to have sex with one of the women who reluctantly tolerated him in High School.

Far from actually improving his life, this will alienate those women because he'll be trying to have sex with them instead of having any kind of normal socialization. It's as if he iss accelerating the crappiness of his life, because that will wind up as the result.

And then there is the punchline; the girl he has sex with gets pregnant--and decides to have an abortion. Chris has now had his dream utterly trashed in his teenage years. His circle of friends might include Joshua Martinez (which will end imminently), probably won't ever include Megan Schroeder. Still, he's creating Sonichu and he's still about to run into ED. The first generation of trolls--Adam Stackhouse, Jason K. Howell are still going to be in the cards.

Its as if Chris has decided to make his life worse ahead of schedule.
 
Bear in mind that $1,000,000 is not the vast sum it used to be, and its value continues to decrease year after year as inflation slowly drains its value.

Even without inflation, 50 x $20,000 is still not really living well. With it, well, when Chris is in his 70s a new car might cost $1 Million. So the long term discussion isn't really right: $1 Million is excellent, but probably not enough to live off of.

None of this matters because Chris will spend it all within one or two years.

Chris doesn't buy things that reduce his costs or necessarily improves the quality of his life. Sure, game consoles count towards the latter, but he wouldn't do something like pay for repairs, much needed maintenance and quite possibly some sort of massive storage bay for his house. Barbs crap moved into giant storage bay next door--several problems solved. But he won't do it. It's even possible that Barb takes and squanders the money.

But if temporarily has the money, he'll buy things that do little to improve his life, and a lot of them.

At best, he's got a new car, an Xbox One, PS4 and Wii U and several games when his million is gone. He might have had a few more rounds of backpage entertainment, and he probably did have a long period without stress. Then the money is out and so is living high.
 
Best case scenario?

Through savings and wise investment, he has a secure income for life and lives on a much larger budget than what his meager :tugboat: provides him and in fact his income rises to such a yearly level he no longer qualifies for SSDI. Then it's toys galore and possibly even completion of his lovequest.

Most likely scenario?

The smugness goes through the roof and he buys the GAMe PLACe to have it demolished in a controlled destruction by explosion just to show that dang dirty pedofork Jew Snyder who is STRONG!

Worst case scenario?

'Clyde Cash' ends up swindling most of it out of him, leaving him destitute and back at square 31. At least the :tugboat: will start making its trips to his account at the start of the month again so nobody will cry for him, in fact it will be the greatest saga of all in a lot of ways.
 
If he got it in a lump sum, it would bye bye :tugboat: The average lottery winner spends all their money in about 5 years. With Chris's spending habits he'd be lucky to have it 5 months. After that, in the words of my high school accounting teacher, he'd be skooched.

I would hope he'd get an annuity that paid $20,00/year for 50 years and Chris didn't have the financial sense to get a lump sum. If that was the case his situation would be like it is now.

With it, well, when Chris is in his 70s a new car might cost $1 Million.
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It won't be that bad. In my finance class we figured $50,000 in 2060 would be like having $12,000 in 2007, so a new car would be like $60,000-70,000.
 
Do we really need another "what if chris won the lotto/had X amount of cash" thread?

Besides we all know he'd still buy the same shit but on a much more massive scale

Search the forum first before u post repetitive threads please, m'k?
 
Black Sonichu said:
Alan Pardew said:
Making Sonichu.
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WE HAVE A WINNER :medallion:
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Would he though? While he has stopped making it we have never seen or heard any evidence that he regrets creating it. The fame it brought but between his continued use of Sonichu in games/user names and his recent post about it not being dead I highly doubt this would be it.

Big_Pete_33 said:
THe new question will be how bad the new timeline will be for Chris?
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Just as bad as now or worse. I honestly can't see him making any choice that would improve his life.

McDonald's 24/7.
 
First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the boyfriend-free girls.
 
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