Containment What If?

Picklepower said:
You guys seem to be assuming he has learned anything, I think he would go yell at Megan for "trolling" and she would have no idea who he is. He would get banned from the Game place again. Actually, he may have learned enough, to where he would know not to post embarrassing videos. In this alternate future, this forum here would be called the CPWki, and we would be instead, a forum obsessed with Christopher Paul Whitney.
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Can I just go ahead and ask why the CPWki isn't a real thing?
 
I think he mentioned once that he would have had a chance with his gal-pals had he asked one of them out? Well, if he did have the balls to do it...he'd get rejected and hear the 'you're a nice guy, but...'. I'm curious how he'd cope with rejection when he can't blame it on trolls and internet bullies. It would be a big blow to his ego.
 
What if after Bob passed away, Chris just lived by himself? What would happen? Would all hell break loose, or would nothing change?
 
bungholio said:
I think he mentioned once that he would have had a chance with his gal-pals had he asked one of them out? Well, if he did have the balls to do it...he'd get rejected and hear the 'you're a nice guy, but...'. I'm curious how he'd cope with rejection when he can't blame it on trolls and internet bullies. It would be a big blow to his ego.
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He would say that damn dirty Clyde Cash has a time machine and must have hypnotized his gal-pals.

Chris wouldn't exist a completely different spawn would be born of Bob.
 
^Clyde Dawkins!

Everyone but the chosen few would be sent to hell. The chosen few being boyfriend-free girls who would bear his demigods. He might spare the programmers of his favorite vidya as well.

I assume he wasn't a creator god, because if that were the case he'd just create billions of boyfriend-free girls to have sex with him for eternity. He'd be as amorous as Zeus.
 
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
^Clyde Dawkins!

Everyone but the chosen few would be sent to hell. The chosen few being boyfriend-free girls who would bear his demigods. He might spare the programmers of his favorite vidya as well.

I assume he wasn't a creator god, because if that were the case he'd just create billions of boyfriend-free girls to have sex with him for eternity. He'd be as amorous as Zeus.
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Except Zeus got china.
 
Xaiena said:
What if Chris wrote Sonichu without the influence of trolls? I'm curious as to what direction it would have gone.
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Probably Chris vs Snyder and the police or something. Or maybe Adam.

exball said:
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
^Clyde Dawkins!

Everyone but the chosen few would be sent to hell. The chosen few being boyfriend-free girls who would bear his demigods. He might spare the programmers of his favorite vidya as well.

I assume he wasn't a creator god, because if that were the case he'd just create billions of boyfriend-free girls to have sex with him for eternity. He'd be as amorous as Zeus.
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Except Zeus got china.
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So did Chris.
 
What if Chris and his family were on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? Would Barb let the hoard go to trade in for a new house? Or would she bitch at the producers of the show to let her keep the hoard but they build the house and keep the hoard? Would Chris tell the people doing the renovations to fill his room with vidya? Would he think that if him and his family were featured on the show that it'd get him china?

Boards talk, ponder, discuss
 
The hoard would most likely attack and devour the crew, then force Chris to use the video camera dropped by the camera man to send their message :medallion:
 
Chris will take the advantage to cry about the trolls when he's on camera.
 
CrabCMDO said:
What if after Bob passed away, Chris just lived by himself? What would happen? Would all hell break loose, or would nothing change?
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We'll need to refine and tighten the question to bypass the obvious "Chris isn't born" sorts of exclusions. So let's assume that Barb dies of a heart attack or other plausible death at the same time as Bob's death. The Point of Departure is obviously pretty serious, but its also recent, so, we have a situation to explore.

Much has been made of Chris being horrible with his money. His income is terribly low by tugboat and finances are something that takes out a lot of better people. But he's going to have a very strong motivation to pay the power bill, internet, heating and utilities, as well as property taxes. He's also near the end of accepting troll advice--this would be perhaps a week after the Calling Out Saga--so the great fear of the Trolls stealing his monies is unlikely. He probably will squander his inheritance, but his spending has decreased greatly post-Bob and probably will continue that course.

Chris is undoubtedly in mourning for weeks.

No Barb and no Bob means little moderation of Chris' desires, which means a rerolled 10/28/11. And that can go MANY different ways, many of them very badly for the Lolcow. Retrying the Game Place itself seems likely; running Snyder down in the parking lot unlikely. But committing an infraction and getting nailed on it is probably a small favorite--Chris has ran out before and Snyder would really like to have the police catch him this time. With no Barb to take the wheel, Chris probably avoids hitting Snyder, although he probably has real legal problems of some kind.

The real crisis isn't an alt 10/28/11 (although this is probably nothing good). It's Chris without guidance trying to head into society and failing horribly. With no Barb to keep him inside, he probably posts pictures of Michael Snyder to the Cwcki. But he's not going to voluntarily retreat to his room. Instead, he will explode in a series of sagas that will probably finish him for life.

Chris has already been banned from McDonalds and Malls alike in this period even with a paranoid mother and a Virginian Politician on his side. Without Barb and Bell unlikely, he probably pushes his luck too far. This could mean tresspassing, harassment, sexual harassment or plain freaking people out Tomgirl style. Getting busted while on trial for something else is probably going to lead to no bail and a stay behind bars.

Chris behind bars until 10/28/11 finishes is grim. He's still a virgin afterward, but he's also more deranged.
 
The crew would do their best to figure out what kind of room Chris would like based on his ridiculously childish lifestyle. They'd probably figure "okay but this guy is a grown man, so let's make it a little less 'Pee-Wee's Playhouse' and a little more 'Awesome Mancave'". They'd hook him up with a room that would make pretty much all of us drool with jealousy.

Then during the walkthrough Chris would attract a whole new legion of people to hate him as he became sullen and ungratefully bitched about everything they did.

"So Chris, we know you dig comics, and we understand that you're an artist yourself. So we built an art studio into your room, and the folks over at both Marvel AND DC comics provided you with this drafting board and full set of professional art supplies, plus a top-of-the-line graphics workstation with the latest desktop publishing software, and an industrial 4-color printer so you can publish your own comics!"

"WHOOPEEE!!! That'll get a pretty, boyfriend-free girl to come talk to me!"
 
isn't this just a lazy re-wording of "What happens when Barb dies?"
 
raymond said:
exball said:
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
^Clyde Dawkins!

Everyone but the chosen few would be sent to hell. The chosen few being boyfriend-free girls who would bear his demigods. He might spare the programmers of his favorite vidya as well.

I assume he wasn't a creator god, because if that were the case he'd just create billions of boyfriend-free girls to have sex with him for eternity. He'd be as amorous as Zeus.
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Except Zeus got china.
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So did Chris.
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That he had to pay for.
 
If Chris lived by himself after Bob passed away and Barb either left Chris or died (since its only mentioned in title "What if Barb didn't exist), Chris would essentially be doomed since he has no restraint from any of his parents. Without any of his parents, Chris is gonna blow a huge hole into his finances, wasting his tugboat on vidya, toys, and processed foods without even paying attention to any bills such as the electric bill. Chris will also have problems when he goes out of 14 Branchland Court and into Charlottesville, where he will only get banned from another store or get into any run-ins with the law. He's been banned from McDonalds and the 10/28/2011 incident was where he was taken to court. If he went through an alternate version of these, it can only be worse since he has no restraint from Barb who would tell him to keep his mouth shut when interrogated by police.
 
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