Containment What If?

What if Chris starred in his own preschool show?
Think Big Comfy Couch with a greatly decreased budget and one crossdressing clown playing all the characters.
Aside from blowing his tugboat on cigarettes, Chris would probably smoke a stereotypical "girly" brand. And his Sweetheart Requirements would be short by one.
I can already imagine weens sending him cartons of Virginia Slims.

What if someone bought Chris a hair salon appointment for his birthday? Like to make his hair less sad.
 
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What if Chris starred in his own preschool show?

He already does.

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What if Chris was roommates with Null? And what if Chris was the star of Commando?
 
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Fine Bros would try to sue him.

What if Chris was a Grandmaster of the Templar Order from Assassin's Creed?

He would turn a First Civilization artifact into the new Sonichu medallion and use it to control people's minds, therefore creating a true and honest fandase, making a boyfriend-free girl into a sweetheart from the ground up, and forcing Sega to create CWC's Adult Chronicles.

...And then he'd tell the world all about the Templars on TV and then get shanked with a hidden blade.
 
What if Chris was actually a sentient being sent to earth as a social experiment that would be televised on his race's version of YouTube.
 
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