Containment What If?

What if Chris went to the same jail as Nick Bate and both tried to plan a break out?
 
What if Chris went to the same jail as Nick Bate and both tried to plan a break out?
They would dig a tunnel behind Chris's Sailor Moon Poster of Fail down into the sewer tunnels beneath the prison, where Nick Bate would drown trying to have sex with the sewage. Chris, meanwhile, would try to climb over the prison fence, but get his duck snagged on the barbed wire and bleed to death. In his dying breath, Chris would blame SEGA.
 
What if Chris' infamous fart during the last court date killed everyone in the court room?
Then he'd be charged for murder and get sent to jail, However Chris would blame Barb who managed to survive since she's used to Chris's horrible stench so she would get sent to jail instead.
What if Chris was a bounty hunter?
 
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What if Chris lived in a psychedelic fairy tale forest?

You know what kind of forest I mean: weird colorful mushrooms growing all over, fairies of the naked-girl-with-butterfly-wings type zipping about, talking animals who speak in brainfuck riddles and paradoxes, everything ruled by weird non-Euclidean geometries (e.g. a wood path that appears to run straight suddenly curves into a Moebius strip), trees have faces, flowers grow incredibly high, the sky sparkles with colorful fractals etc.

How would Chris fare if he was a resident of such a forest? In what kind of mushroom would he live? How would he get along with the cute nubile fairies, the paradox-talking animals, the non-Euclidean geometries etc.?
He'd play video games all day and never approach the fairies. His mushroom would of course be bent and it would be the weight of barb and the horde on the top floor doing it
 
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What if he only sold vanilla....

Navy cream

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What if Chris assembled all the other Lolcows in the world and declared a full on bloody war with Clyde Cash and his army of trolls?
 
What if Chris assembled all the other Lolcows in the world and declared a full on bloody war with Clyde Cash and his army of trolls?

Here's his calling card:
"Good morin'. For less den years, LOLcows and Sonichu fans everywhere from around da world have been witnessing the largest personal change in the history of mankind: DAMN DIRTY TROLLIN'. No madder were it happenz, dey always gotta be JERKS. We cannot be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests against trolls. Perhaps it is fate that dey hak into our accounts, send insults to living, breathing creatures in another universe with thoughts and feelings who wouldn't want to be named such dirtay things or spread DIRTAY LIES ABOUT US!!! And we will once again be saluting an image of our freedom. We are fighting for our right to love, to be true, to be honest, and when the sun sets today, **** *** ***** will no longer be known as only a **** *** ***** , but as today LOLcows and Sonichu fans declared in one vwoice, "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We are going to live on! We are going to survive, to celebr--today we celebrate our ANTI-TROLL DAY!!!"
 
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