Containment What If?

GrandNumberOfPounds said:
He'd be like the guy my dad knew. This guy was called to jury duty and when he found out the defendant was black, said something like "I hate niggos" and was excused.

Could you imagine if he was involved with a case that had a homo in it?

That, or he'd be like the guy my dad served on a jury once and start yelling stuff during the trial and got excused.
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I remember that kind of excuse is kinda made up so you can leave jury. I've seen a few people do this.
 
Chris would ultimately screw up any deliberations resulting in a hung jury. He would probably sympathize with an obviously guilty party because he knows what it's like to be trolled by the system, man.
 
somejerk said:
Virginia uses Juror questionnaires prior to jury duty summons. They would laugh themselves stupid at his questionnaire and then never call him.
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So if you want to get out of jury duty, all you have to do is put nonsense on your questionnaire?
 
I'm assuming so.

i'm not sure what their criteria for "nonsense" is, but i'm absolutely sure that Chris would meet or exceed it.

i mean, if you really wanted to get out of jury duty in a state that didn't use questionnaires, all you have to do is show up to court and start spouting nonsense or racism etc.., so one of the ideas behind the questionnaires is probably to screen out people who are going to pull that sort of shit and get rid of them in advance.
 
He'll scream, crapped his pants, and run away from it.

It will be like CWCville.

I wonder what if Chris knew about Rika here.
 
Consider-The-Following-600x600.jpg


Some hours earlier than usual, Chris awoke on his filthy matress in his room in 14 BC. There was something... wrong. He couldn't really tell what was wrong, but he felt at unease. After all, he was awake before noon! How could that be?

He heard something like a muffled thunderclap. Was there a storm brewing? He was mortally afraid of lightening because he had heard that it could fry computers. He pulled the blanket over his head and crapped himself but it didn't help: Shortly after, there was another, louder, sharper thundercrack which made the ground shake.

With a very long stress sigh, Chris got up and looked out of the window, seeing a very unusual scene. Over the countryside, huge metallic disk-shaped aircraft hovered and kept firing green energy bolts at vehicles and buildings. One of them swooped in over what probably was the town center of Ruckersville and snapped off a green laser volley which made several buildings go up in fiery explosive Michael-Bay-ness.

Chris nodded to himself: GodBearJesus probably had sent these UFOs to punish all the trolls. Yes, everything made sense now! He smiled happily. There was justice in the universe after all. With a happy sigh, he waddled back to bed to sleep some more hours.

But before he could drift off to sleep, there was new commotion. His room's door was flung wide open and Barb stomped in, sweating and panting. "Chrissy dear!" the elderly redneck woman screamed at the top of her lungs, "we must flee! There are alien UFO space thingies all over and they keep blowing everything up! We must run away!"

"Aww, mom, not right now. I'm tired. Can we go, like, in five hours or so?"

"Chrissy, no, we must go NOW! There is chaos and destruction all over! God probably sent these to punish us because you do this homogay fag crossdresser stuff!"

"I'M NOT HOMOGAY! I'm a TRUE and HONEST heterosexual tomgirl! I even have a Playboy subscription! I AM STRAIGHT!"

"If you were straight you wouldn't wear makeup and miniskirts!" There was an ear-splitting explosion somewhere nearby, 14 BC trembled like in an earthquake. "God is probably very angry and now he's raining fire and destruction like on Sodom and Gomorrha!"

"No, GodBearJesus told me in a dream that he endorses straight tomgirls who like girly stuff but are still heterosexual and manly!" Another explosion shook the house and cracked some of the windows.

"Chrissy, we must go now, we must run away or we will be dead!"

"Umm, okay..." Chris stressed sighed loudly. This day was getting really exhausting. He limply picked up his assorted vidya equipment, some sassy tomgirl clothes and My Little Pony toys and put them in his handbag. "Mom, have you seen my McDonald's coupons? I want to take these... and my Transformers and my Lego CWCville... do we have a suitcase somewhere, these won't fit in my purse." Another explosion thundered. The window shattered into sharp pieces.

"Chrissy, there is no time to pack! We have to go now NOW NOW NOW!!!"

Begrudgingly, Chris let his mom lead him out of the house. As they stumbled across the yard, one of the UFOs swooped by and fired an energy bolt at their house which exploded in a fantastic mushroom cloud of flaming autistic debris.

Panting with fear, Barb somehow stuffed her son into the passenger seat of their last remaining semi-functional car and got behind the wheel. Of they went. Around them, Ruckersville was going to pieces. Attack spacecraft circled over the town and poured down zapping laser destruction at everything that moved. Houses exploded and crumbled, burning cars lined the streets, people were running around screaming or filming everything with their smartphones in order to upload it to youtube. Some also filmed the Chandler's car and yelled "JULAAAAYYYY!!!"

They managed to reach the open countryside. On the Seminole Trail street, they headed northwards towards Madison and Culpeper (some instinct had told Barb that driving towards Charlottesville would be a bad idea). She switched on the radio.

"....Washington DC, New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, Tokio, Kyoto, Beijing, Moscow, Kiev, Baikonur, Berlin, Hamburg, Paris, London, Rome, Madrid and Rio de Janairo have been wiped out. The aliens have eradicated every major city on earth. Now, it seems, they are fanning out to sweep up smaller settlements and villages to finish their grim work. All weapons known to mankind, including thermonuclear bombs and spam emails have proven ineffective against them. It is recommended that you improve on your relationship with your nutty conspiracy theorist cousin and move to his mountain cabin where he keeps the machine guns and surface-to-air missiles. This is Cole Smithey, your friendly radio DJ! Now for some experimental songs by a band you probably never have heard about... Krrrrchchc!" Barb killed the radio. For some minutes, they drove on in silence.

"Um, Mom", Chris finally ventured, "I'm starving. Can we go to McDonald's?"

"Now, Chrissy, all the fast food places are gone. We must try to survive on our own."

"But, this is hard... I'm really hugnry now. Can we go to Burger King?"

"Chrissy, no! God has destroyed the earth to punish us for your faggy homo crap."

"I'M NOT A HOMO! I AM STRAIGHT! GodBearJesus said on Family Guy that he hates da homos but boy-on-girl hankypanky is okay. I like girls. I like dykes! DYKES!! CHINA!!! And I'm so hungry. I want a some large fries and a coke and a burger and chicken nuggets and maybe some ice cream and some Long Island Ice Tea afterwards... Can we go to Wendy's?"

"For the last time, Chrissyfag, if you don't stop griping I'll kick you out of the car and you can try to survive on your own, out here in the countryside."

*stress sigh*

What if?
 
FOREMAN: "Well this looks like an open-and-shut case, 11 guilty votes so far. Juror #12, what do you think?"
CWC: "Hmmm... yeah. I am medium to moderate on the subject"
FOREMAN: "What?! But they caught the defendant on tape raping and murdering that poor girl!"
CWC: *mumbles* "they caught the..." *out loud* "Mmyeah, well I was kinda stressed during the killing scene but it was all just Hollywood magic. I did enjoy the love scene where him and the girl played togedder"
 
Powerstars said:
He wouldn't be terribly phased, I mean, given how filthy that god damn house is, he would shrug it off. :lol:
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Usually when people (especially children and child-like people like CWC) see large reptiles up close in real life for the first time (I doubt CWC has ever seen any kind of reptile in person either, hell he probably never even saw one on da TV or Computer screen) they usually get really scared or uncomfortable.

When I was in high school, I brought my savannah monitor to school one day (It was for a science project)some ppl were to scared to even come close to it.

This is just a theory though...... :pickle:
 
Kosher Dill said:
I think he'd like to be able to just hit people over the head and turn their eyes to X'es, but if he had a real, bleeding, screaming human being in front of him he'd freak out (as would most normal people).
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Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa, you just kind of, sort of, compared Chris to being a little like a normal person there for a second, maybe. That sort of White Knighting'll get you banned around these here parts.

Where's the guy with the Shooped avatar of Chris and Meagan from Fear.com?
 
Cloister the Stupid said:
Kosher Dill said:
I think he'd like to be able to just hit people over the head and turn their eyes to X'es, but if he had a real, bleeding, screaming human being in front of him he'd freak out (as would most normal people).
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Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa, you just kind of, sort of, compared Chris to being a little like a normal person there for a second, maybe. That sort of White Knighting'll get you banned around these here parts.

Where's the guy with the Shooped avatar of Chris and Meagan from Fear.com?
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Humanizing Chris =/= White Knighting.

We don't ban people for not thinking he's an iredeemable retard. And I'd have to agree with Kosher Dill on this.
 
Can you imagine being sequestered with a smelly pseudo-tranny who randomly voids bowels and never showered?

Alan Pardew said:
I wonder Chris will eat eventually.
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Barb.
As a Donner-party Kebab.

Even he could eat for weeks. All he needs do is keep away from the holey butt.
 
They manage to get as far as THe GAMe PLACe before aliens zap the Dodge Caravan or the Cadillac and Chris-chan's last words are blaming Megan, Snyder and Clyde Cash.
 
I would try to clean up some of the horde and sell off most of Chris's games. I would also sell the BMW Z3 to the CWCki member that wanted it. I would then make a youtube video apologizing for what Chris did. I would also get a haircut and burn all of Chris's tom girl stuff. I would also make sure to record that too. Then I would say to Barb that I will put her in a nursing home she keeps acting up.
 
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