Containment What If?

...Chris bought an e-cigarette? I mean its right up his alley, it's something battery powered he doesn't own yet. I could see him trying to smoke it in stores (like in the ads) but getting in trouble for it instead.

if he did smoke real cigarettes I could see him going for something girly like mistys or Capris.
 
Marvin said:
Nah, Chris doesn't like Saw or similar movies because he's trying to seem like an adult or anything like that. Like, normally, Chris has his own handful of goals and he works to pursue them. That's it. And they're just shit like, a potential girlfriend or getting video games or finding places to enjoy his childish nerd hobbies.

Chris doesn't care about looking like an adult.
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I remember how he commented about the Saw series having a great plot and intriguing mythology. Mentioned the douchey detective and not the original Jigsaw. I found it absolutely maddening.

As for any of these movies it would always end with "I relate to it because of the trolls. DAMN YOU SNYDER AND MEGAN!!!"
 
Chris decides to go to University of Virginia to get his bachelor's in something. Would he stick it out or give up when stuff gets too hard?
 
I think he could do it, He's seems to have always felt most secure in a school environment. The quality of work he would produce would most likely be lack luster but he probably wouldn't give up.
 
Anything's possible if he finds a school whose standards are low enough - one that's willing to just print him a degree as long as he pays his tuition and shows up to class. They exist.
As far as getting a degree that anyone would take seriously: no. He hit his intellectual limit early in his PVCC career and just "D is for Diploma" 'ed his way through the rest. 4 years of college-level work where each course builds on knowledge from previous courses, that's beyond him. Even before his decay he couldn't have swung it.
 
Ana Ng said:
I think he could do it, He's seems to have always felt most secure in a school environment. The quality of work he would produce would most likely be lack luster but he probably wouldn't give up.
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I could see him taking him at least six years if he got his bachelors in Computer Aided Drafting and Design.

He would have to take a lot of remedial classes and he would probably have to retake classes he took at PVCC since it's been so long, and he's going to be there even longer if his credits from PVCC fail to transfer over. If Virginia state doesn't offer that kind of degree, he would have to switch majors that would cost him more time. Money is another issue though, but he could have paid for the majority of his tuition if he put away maybe $200 of his monthly tugboat in his savings account since he first started getting that and started going in Fall 2013.

Eventually though, he would get it. He would probably fail classes along the way but would retake them with a passing grade. I could see Chris trying is best being a C+ / B- average student once his old failure grades are thrown out.
 
He'd be reported for stalking 10 times inside a month, and laughed out of town over his love quest sign. If he wasn't kicked out for acting like a creep, he'd drop out over sheer frustration that none of the girls want his duck and all of the guys are just mean trolls. Also, there are lots of dang homo men at colleges, and Chris would probably rant and rave at the Gay Student Coalition about how he wishes he had a magic spell to straightify them.
 
He didn't take the classes nor make the grades to be UVA transfer material. They only allow a select few transfer students from other universities or with associates degrees every year.

He'd probably excel at some online ripoff college like University of Phoenix. I read a story once that someone proved that the "instructors" will grade anything, so he sent them something like a cake recipe instead of the assignment, and he still got a grade for it.
 
Kosher Dill said:
Anything's possible if he finds a school whose standards are low enough - one that's willing to just print him a degree as long as he pays his tuition and shows up to class. They exist.
As far as getting a degree that anyone would take seriously: no. He hit his intellectual limit early in his PVCC career and just "D is for Diploma" 'ed his way through the rest. 4 years of college-level work where each course builds on knowledge from previous courses, that's beyond him. Even before his decay he couldn't have swung it.
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This is why employers ask their candidates for work experience while in school. Its nice that they hire intellectuals but prudence, or practical knowledge, is just as important if not more or at least that's what I was told about people in Texas. What HR managers like from college grads is that they also have some experience outside of school or they take part of some research project for the school as long that experience makes them well-rounded for the practical world. In my school, all of my professors relate real life to their courses and say why they are related. Heck! Even in a mythology class, the professor would relate the morals taught in mythology to the world around us. I'm sure JULAY would know more about what is expected out of a college grad with a bachelor's degree looking for a job than I would since he's the HR person and I want to be in HR because I love it. HR managers who hire college grads with bachelor's degree would want to know if their candidates have some experience outside of academic work such as a part time job. Me, I have a part time job and I take part of a research project for the school. I'm not the brightest and I'm always mostly B+ due to my struggles in the English language and grammar. But I do my best to understand things. I even sometimes see a school counselor specialized in helping students transitioning from college to work and they told me that academic knowledge is nice but prudence is just about as important too.

If Chris went on for his bachelor's, he needs to understand what he can use the degree for. He also needs to talk with a school counselor regarding life after graduation to help him find jobs as well as if possible, he can have the counselor set up mock interviews with him. I have been in mock interviews and they ask a lot of questions and after that, they tell you about your appearance and what you need to work on in your words. Knowing how Chris doesn't take kindly to these criticisms, he's not going to listen well. So going for a bachelor's in anything requires a lot more than just academic work. So he's not going to go for his bachelor's degree well and he'll still be an unemployed sappy depressed manchild he is. Even if he gets the degree, he expects the jobs to be handed to him instead of looking for those jobs. Not to mention college counselors can provide dates of job fairs and their location and most of the times, they would offer a school bus ride for their students to these job conventions. So yes there's a lot of resources that are made to be taken advantage of by students, even undergrads, but Chris won't seem to give a shit about them. Not to mention this is why colleges have a thing called orientation to give candidates a view of what their schools are like. Makes me wonder if Chris even attended a PVCC orientation or not?
 
Chris might do well at a correspondence school. Heck, I even wrote in another post that he might even earn an MD from a correspondence school and endorse shady dietary supplement and fitness device companies.

Most likely it would be from a ripoff online school or from some for-profit school. I doubt he'd get into UVA as a student.

He'd never earn a degree that's worth something, like in the METS fields (math, engineering, technology and science).

He might earn some degree with "studies" in the name, like Tomgirl Studies.
 
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
He might earn some degree with "studies" in the name, like Tomgirl Studies.
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"This is the '90s, Tom. You can major in Gameboy if you know how to bullshit."
 
PVCC only gave him his associate's degree to get rid of him. Anyway, degrees are for people who want to find jobs, there's no reason for Chris to have one.
 
If I remember correctly, there is a sizeable percentage of people with no documented disabilities whatsoever that drop out of college. OPL lacks the maturity and insight to persevere the path to a bachelor degree, disabilities or not. Plus, the fact is he wouldn't know which degree would make him marketable for a job.
 
Sakamoto said:
PVCC only gave him his associate's degree to get rid of him. Anyway, degrees are for people who want to find jobs, there's no reason for Chris to have one.
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I was just going to say, why would he even want one. He never plans on a J O B. A degree would be completely useless for him. And even with one, who's going to hire him? It's Wal-Mart greeter or bust. He wouldn't even be in the top 10 most horrifying Wal-Mart greeters I've seen.
 
Let's see.

Initial questions: Motivation, Money, Social Interaction.

None of the above is a given with our pet lolcow.

Motivation: Chris doesn't want a job, indeed, the greatest single failing of Chris is that he doesn't really want ANYTHING enough to fight for it. So where's the motivation to apply to college, go through the admissions process, and even pursue a dream?

Money: Chris' monthly tugboat might be free money, but its also not very much free money. 4 Year colleges are expensive, and Chris isn't going to work, nor make cuts to his lifestyle.

Social Interaction: All people on the internet are trolls, all men are jerks and all women have an infinite boyfriend factor. He's got to go to classes, work with others on group projects, make presentations and meet basic social standards. He's in serious trouble here even in the short run; he'd be crashing and burning within the first month.

All told, CWC would need a massive lifestyle change to give this a shot. With no transfer credit from PVCC, he'd have to go through at least a years worth of Breadth classes. This includes things like calculus, fairly advanced writing and social sciences. Most people I know can't easily do these things--they have to fight hard for them. Chris has never fought for months on anything; even things where he supposedly put up a fight against Trolldom came with a silent prodding to get results. There's no prodding in college; you can sleep through your classes and skip homework at will.

I give Chris one month, tops. He won't run out of money immediately, but he'll run out of motivation and quite possibly die on a group project. It's over, and its over quickly.
 
Getting an undergraduate degree isn't the hardest thing in the world to do. (unless it's in a hard-science... in which case, god damn.) I'm sure most of us know at least one person who isn't exactly all that bright who has a bachelors degree in something.

But it does at least take a commitment and an investment of time, showing up, behaving yourself in a public place, turning in assignments that are more than ridiculous, self serving nonsense, and shutting the fuck up and listening. Chris skated by at the community college level. Lots of people do. I'm not badmouthing C.C. i've known people who worked their way up to graduate degrees from that humble starting point. But let's face it, for every person like that there's 10 that are just screwing around, or have no business being there. It's not in a school's best interest to fail a large section of it's student body, and it's not as if PVCC has a reputation that looms so large in academia that letting Chris slide under the wire to keep him from repeating your class would be unthinkable

tl;dr - Chris would never be able to conduct himself accordingly, and nobody in a 4 year degree program is just going to pat Chris on the head and give him a pass like he's used to.
 
Does it not bother anyone that Chris was not at least a little perturbed by the rape scene in Cannibal Holocaust?
 
^Someone somewhere once said that Chris has no understanding of rape. He literally cannot see how sex could ever be a bad thing, or how someone could not consent to sex. The whole concept would mystify him if you tried to explain it. If he saw The Last House On The Left he would think it was a love story, at least until the revenge part.
 
GuyMontag21 said:
I'd love to see Chris watch Happiness and totally misinterpret it. I'd pay to see that.
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Phillip Seymour Hoffman is rather Chris like in that, isn't he?

I imagine Dylan Baker's character would horrify him though.
 
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