Containment What If?

It's possible he would've found another close-knit group of gamers (maybe close to UVA), at least one of whom would be net-savvy enough to post a picture of Chris on a site with lots of traffic.
 
Snow White would fit his description of himself the best. The fairest maiden (best artist with amazing material possessions) becomes victim to the jealous queen (trolls), who force him to fall asleep (crash into slumber) until he is awakened by the Nobel prince (his TRUE and HONEST sweetheart)
 
 

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Maybe a Cinderella type story.

Chris is trapped in his home by the wicked Snorlax and his cruel step-sisters the hoard. He wishes on a star and Sonichu appears, giving him a magic sports bra which transforms Chris into a tomgirl, and his non-working Ford Escort is transformed into a pink Carmen Gia, so Chris is able to go to the Royal Mall and have a chance to meet a boyfriend-free girl. But Sonichu warns him that he must return before the McDonalds drive-thru closes.

At the Royal Mall, tomgirl Chris dances with himself to attract a handsome boyfriend-free girl, and catches the attention of Princess China. She invites him in to PacSun and he tries on some bikinis. While he's in the changing room the alarm on his cell phone goes off to warn him time is almost up, so he rushes off, leaving his sports bra behind. He barely makes through the McDonalds drive-thru in time to order some healthy McWraps and gets home as the Carmen Gia transforms back into the worthless Son-chu and his fancy tomgirl clothes and makeup fade away, leaving him looking the way he really looks these days.

Princess China posts on Facebook that she wants to have hot monkey sex with the owner of the sports bra, and all the tomgirls and tomboys of Virgina post replies, each claiming that they are the true and honest owner. So they all come to the Royal Mall and try on the sweat stained sports bra, but it's way too huge to fit any of them. Princess China sighs. Then she notices Chris off in the food court playing video games and avoiding eye contact. She asks Chris to try on the sports bra, and it fits perfectly. Then the Pickle-man shows up and Princess China runs off with him.

The End.
 
As mentioned Chris would still be known on the internet through Sonichu, but very little would be known about Chris himself, other than the info He provided in his comics.

It could have been possible that someone made a Sonichu article on ED, and that is what flips Chris' shit, or he could of never found out about it, without his trolls Chris would have lost his grip on reality a lot quicker, since he would have almost zero interaction with anyone.

He would also still be doing the same shit he was doing almost a decade ago, marching up and down the mall with his sign and getting thrown out by those evil Manajerks.
 
What if Chris is a big fan of the HEX-Box rather than the Playstation?

Sakamoto said:
Some good points have already been made, but lets take this a step further:

What if Chris got his ass kicked- by a girl?

I seriously doubt Chris would ever intentionally pick a fight with a female, even one he hates or is convinced is a troll, he would probably curse them and run away at the most. But, I could imagine some scenario where Chris crosses the line of acceptable behavior with the wrong girl and gets his ass kicked as a result. Any healthy woman could easily do it after all, they just need a reason.

Would this change his views of women? Would he be willing to finally give up the tiny effort he still makes on the "love quest" if he thinks there could be a physical risk?
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He would become a loveshy. Or spends most of his time indoors playing his vidya and decides to quit his "Love Quest".

Chris would be less worse, but he might find PVCC as the place for troll meetings instead of The GAMe PLACe.

Chris might be the old wood-carver like Geppetto in Pinocchio. He would carve a wooden puppet named Sonichu and it could be brought back to life.
 
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sparklemilhouse said:
...Chris bought an e-cigarette? I mean its right up his alley, it's something battery powered he doesn't own yet. I could see him trying to smoke it in stores (like in the ads) but getting in trouble for it instead.

if he did smoke real cigarettes I could see him going for something girly like mistys or Capris.
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God forbid he should go to a restaurant and sit a table away from an e-cig smoker. Because if there's anyone smokers-electronic or not-should take advice from, it's a smelly thirtysomething of indeterminate sex, gender, and fashion sense yelling about the evils of tobacky.

(He gets banned from the restaurant shortly thereafter.)
 
Sakamoto said:
Some good points have already been made, but lets take this a step further:

What if Chris got his ass kicked- by a girl?

I seriously doubt Chris would ever intentionally pick a fight with a female, even one he hates or is convinced is a troll, he would probably curse them and run away at the most. But, I could imagine some scenario where Chris crosses the line of acceptable behavior with the wrong girl and gets his ass kicked as a result. Any healthy woman could easily do it after all, they just need a reason.

Would this change his views of women? Would he be willing to finally give up the tiny effort he still makes on the "love quest" if he thinks there could be a physical risk?
Click to expand...

Shit just got real...
 
Sakamoto said:
Some good points have already been made, but lets take this a step further:

What if Chris got his ass kicked- by a girl?

I seriously doubt Chris would ever intentionally pick a fight with a female, even one he hates or is convinced is a troll, he would probably curse them and run away at the most. But, I could imagine some scenario where Chris crosses the line of acceptable behavior with the wrong girl and gets his ass kicked as a result. Any healthy woman could easily do it after all, they just need a reason.

Would this change his views of women? Would he be willing to finally give up the tiny effort he still makes on the "love quest" if he thinks there could be a physical risk?
Click to expand...

This is not quite so easily done.

There are a lot of very tough women out there that could fight remarkably well for their weight and should not be underestimated in a fight, there are also a lot of delicate types or very petite ones. If it was described as a woman of perhaps 100 pounds and 5'2", taking on a general obese man and neither has any training, I'd probably still think the man wins.

Countering this somewhat is that women plain fight differently (and many would claim dirty), doing things like pulling hair and scratching with their fingernails.

The scenario is still viable, but I think even Chris would be able to do some damage to the average girl in a fight--so we'll bend the scenario back and suggest that the woman isn't an average girl--she's someone who is in good physical shape, perhaps some occupation training in fighting and definitely motivated to fight. Chris loses decisively; he smears the girl's makeup and contaminates her $100+ clothing with his fecal matter, but he's badly scratched up, likely bleeding, and definitely bruised.

He can't hide this. He might have been able to cry victim when another man kicks his ass, because he's an autistic man-child and the other guy should know better, but people will suspect that a girl doesn't go looking for fights. He will be blamed for the fight, and may face legal threats. At a minimum, its a stressor that might make the Lolcow chew his Hungry-Cow dinners a bit more apprehensively. At a maximum, Chris potentially faces assault charges--although its hard to see a legal case do much more than make Chris and Barb pay damages. 10/28/11 again, and that it happened after 10/28 might well mean that Chris does actual community service.

But we'll go with the probable case: Girl's friends and family are OUTRAGED that some fatass transvestite tried to hurt their beloved jewel. They wind up taking Lolcow and Company to court for damages; Lolcow doesn't show and the court redirects some tugboat to a more legitimate recipient. For months afterward, Chris winds up dealing with REAL trolls--guys that know the "victim" and want to beat the hell out of him, but know that he's mentally deranged. Chris probably craps his pants and flees in terror many times. This could even cut out things like McDonald's out of his daily routine.

Chris faces the humiliation that he's a weakling. Clearly the girl is a troll, and the actual trolls that appear to white knight the girl against Chris are also trolls; but they're also local trolls. He doesn't head out often, because they could be anywhere. His little world shrinks, his delusions grow--he could have beat that girl, but she didn't fight fair! He didn't want to beat the hell out of that girl, so he didn't, he's the good guy! Unlike Chris having to live up to his failures, losing to a girl would be enough of an outlier to Chris that it's "Luck" or "Troll Planning".

Frankly, if you've been beaten up by a girl, would you REALLY believe that the average girl could kick your ass? Or would you think she's an Afghan War Veteran who can administer a massive whomping? However legitimate the shock and outrage would be...it also seems hard to draw the right conclusions from it.

Alas, said Girl has friends and family. They might even want a rematch against the Lolcow.
 
Alan Pardew said:
Chris might be the old wood-carver like Geppetto in Pinocchio. He would carve a wooden puppet named Sonichu and it could be brought back to life.
Click to expand...

Except he would never finish carving it due to stress. (:_(
 
Sakamoto said:
Maybe a Cinderella type story.

Chris is trapped in his home by the wicked Snorlax and his cruel step-sisters the hoard. He wishes on a star and Sonichu appears, giving him a magic sports bra which transforms Chris into a tomgirl, and his non-working Ford Escort is transformed into a pink Carmen Gia, so Chris is able to go to the Royal Mall and have a chance to meet a boyfriend-free girl. But Sonichu warns him that he must return before the McDonalds drive-thru closes.

At the Royal Mall, tomgirl Chris dances with himself to attract a handsome boyfriend-free girl, and catches the attention of Princess China. She invites him in to PacSun and he tries on some bikinis. While he's in the changing room the alarm on his cell phone goes off to warn him time is almost up, so he rushes off, leaving his sports bra behind. He barely makes through the McDonalds drive-thru in time to order some healthy McWraps and gets home as the Carmen Gia transforms back into the worthless Son-chu and his fancy tomgirl clothes and makeup fade away, leaving him looking the way he really looks these days.

Princess China posts on Facebook that she wants to have hot monkey sex with the owner of the sports bra, and all the tomgirls and tomboys of Virgina post replies, each claiming that they are the true and honest owner. So they all come to the Royal Mall and try on the sweat stained sports bra, but it's way too huge to fit any of them. Princess China sighs. Then she notices Chris off in the food court playing video games and avoiding eye contact. She asks Chris to try on the sports bra, and it fits perfectly. Then the Pickle-man shows up and Princess China runs off with him.

The End.
Click to expand...

DDv1J.gif


Fucking beautiful, raised my heart level to :heart-full:.
 
I've said it before, but this is the sort of question that gets a "reroll" of Chris' life. It doesn't mean that things go better or worse necessarily, but would average the same while running a different series of events.

At face value, this seems hard to believe--Michael Snyder has a special place in our hearts because Our Pet Lolcow made his life quite scary for a couple minutes and probably quite stressed for months afterward. Some of the low-probability shots, such as Chris getting a major online community, probably don't happen again given odds. Some low-probability shot, like Chris gets a girl drunk and has his Virgin-breaker in a quasi-rape situation instead of hiring a hooker, could also happen.

But there are some things that aren't low probability:
-Chris is increasingly maladjusted to the world at large.
--Run ins with the Law; there were at least three before 10/28/11.
--Chris' religious experiences are nearly unchanged.
--Chris probably starts writing Sonichu, and might even make more progress on it since he doesn't lose control of his world as early as OTL.
-Bob is dying, and with him any hope of 14 Branchland being a survivable place.
--Barb goes into hoarding.
--Them Vermin!
--A Young Growth Forest in the Front Lawn and 1001 other reasons why the property will continue to decrease in value in spite of the economy.

When the chips go down, Chris winds up slowly screwed by his maladjustment until he runs afoul of the law, probably under different circumstances and with different people. He probably still has run ins with Mary Lee Walsh and being white knighted by Rocky Shoemaker. People don't care about him, and he's either behind bars or essentially in house arrest today.
 
Pikonic said:
How would he handle life without Synder's ban or Megan's quote unquote trolling schemes
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You know, saying "quote/unquote" is only something you do when you're speaking and don't have the ability to use punctuation. (unless you use "air-quotes", in which case you're a dick.) If you're writing you actually put it in "quotes". (just a minor nitpick, but it's worth mentioning.)

Anyway, without the PLACe, we probably wouldn't be here, but I'm pretty sure Chris would have wound up almost exactly where he is now. Bob still would have died and Barb would still be a selfish hoarder who denies him any personal freedom. The trolls had nothing to do with any of that. The trolls also aren't responsible for his shitty diet, or lack of exercise either. I think There'd be little real difference in his life right now, save for maybe him being less paranoid and maybe a bit more optimistic about his lovequest, but i honestly doubt that, since by now he'd have gotten shot down so much that he'd be just as defeated and depressed. He'd just have come up with something or someone else to blame.

Edit: now that i think of it, the whole road-trip thing is probably a big reason why Barb keeps him within sight at all times. but i still think that by 30 Chris would have pulled something equally foolish on his own, so maybe yes, maybe no. I don't know.
 
Rapunzel. Locked in his tower by an overprotective witch. He's waiting until his true sweetheart climbs up and makes plans to release him from his prison. (and if the witch catches wind of these plans, she will force him out into the wilderness to fend for himself)



oh and also... the hair thing. yech.
 
"Sleeping Julay" (I had to do that)

No he would be like Shrek, and Anna would be Fiona. At the end of the first movie, she morphs into a form like Barb's, and Mary Lee Walsh is crushed to death by a mountain of :briefs: . Chris and Anna, then fly off on a Sonichu dragon hybrid.
 
somejerk said:
Rapunzel. Locked in his tower by an overprotective witch. He's waiting until his true sweetheart climbs up and makes plans to release him from his prison. (and if the witch catches wind of these plans, she will force him out into the wilderness to fend for himself)



oh and also... the hair thing. yech.
Click to expand...
(It's been a while since I've read Rapunzel, forgive me.)
The valiant princess had rode for a fortnight to save the mythical, long-haired prince from his vile captor. She had heard tales of him, or more specifically she had caught word of the notes describing him as well as his ideal princess, and found that it was her noble duty to save him. She wasn't sure if she would necessarily pursue him as a love interest, but in her mind no creature deserved to be locked within the confines of a tower for the entirety of their lives. As she came upon the prince's keep, she saw several skeletons of those who had attempted the task before her. Some bones appeared to be missing, but those that were still there had been picked clean and chewed upon. The princess attributed this to the feral cats that populated this area of the forest. She also made note of the mounds of junk surrounding the decrepit tower and that the entrance must have been buried beneath the clusters of filth. Getting off of her horse, she shoved at a pile but her actions were in vain. There was no way she could enter through ground level.

Just then she caught sight of a red and blue handkerchief being waved from the highest window. She stood beneath it and called out to the tower's prisoner, "Sir prince, let down your long hair!"
A mass of stringy, wiry hair fell down the face of the tower. It was terribly frayed and had the texture of hay dunked in oil. Her hand recoiled reflexively upon touching it, opting to don her gloves before she took hold of it. She wrapped the hay-like strands round her fist and started to scale the tower. As she neared the window, her nose began to detect the sharp smell of rotten meat and... watermelon? In the back of her mind, she began to regret her decision to pursue this quest, but no. She would save this man. The smell got worse as she climbed, causing her to choke and cough, her eyes watering. Whatever conditions this poor man was living in, there was no doubt he must have been deathly ill. No mortal could withstand the smell of something so vile.

Finally she came to the window and all of a sudden a gust of foul, hot air hit her like a brick. "Hello."

Her senses were assaulted all at once. Her hand unclenched his hair and she fell gracelessly to the floor of the clearing. Her body laid limp in the grass while the prisoner began to retract his greasy locks, retreating from the window to crash into a deep, depressed slumber.
 
Chris would live in a big, gross pumpkin with Borb, carving little Sonichus out of pumpkin pieces and stress sighing when he has to feed Borb pumpkin seeds in her pumpkin bed.
 
Re: Apologies if this has been suggested, but what if Chris.

I think part of why this wouldn't work is that it would be such a niche market. Sure, there are some people who would buy Sonichu merchandise and buy some of the "relics", but it would fade pretty quickly. Novelty only lasts for so long and whatever funds it would provide him with would be spent on new games, game systems, and maybe some bills if he magically acquired some common sense.

Then of course he hates his "fanbase" so I doubt he'd care enough to make or sell anything for those who would buy it, even if he could work it to his advantage.
Too bad though, I could totally go for some Sonichu stationary.
 
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