What is the worst excuse plot you've seen in a movie?

[radicalradishranger]

A poorly written storyline just for the sake of having a story so stuff can happen. Exploitation genres/movies are notorious for these since they basically exist not for the plot but for whatever the target audience wants to see (boobs, gore, horror at a specific location like a WW2 death camp, a Chinese guy who fights and looks like the late Bruce Lee etc).

Off the top of my head The Way of the Dragon (the one with Chuck Norris, don't confuse with Enter The Dragon that has Bolo). Bruce goes from his homeland China to Italy to help out a restaurant owner. They are being terrorized by gangsters to pressure them into selling it. Bruce asks "call the police" and the reply is "we try that but when the police come. they go away". The restaurant itself is always completely empty, we see 1 small group enter (or try to, they are almost met with Bruce's foot who thinks they are the troublemakers) in the entire movie, and it doesn't sell spare ribs despite being Chinese (that would be a deal breaker for me not to visit.

The gangster boss is kind enough to say "no guns!" so the movie is Bruce kicking the shit out of all the gangsters except for the boss who is an old man and the little funny guy who acts as their diplomat (fun fact- he dubs his own lines in the English version). After beating them all up the boss calls in their top dog Chuck Norris from America to fly over and deal with Bruce. A few more fights with mini-bosses happen and Bruce is led into the Colosseum to fight with Chuck. The battle of the hairy v hairless. And that's what we all watched the movie for, I don't think anyone actually gives a fuck whether the bad guys got to buy the shitty restaurant or not?

One more fun fact- in one scene Bruce can be seen with him arm out, palm down and opening/closing his fist. That's Chinese for "come here" since they consider the Western gesture beckoning with your finger to be rude.

 

[General Emílio Médici]

"Somehow, Palpatine has returned."

 

[Rudy Coleman]

rouge one for sure.
the entire movie was spawned from a throw away line in a move that came out 30 years ago

 

[Soup Sammiches]

Blade Runner reboot. So now everyone is a replicant? FOH!!

 

[Dagoth AMOGUS]

"Somehow, Palpatine has returned."

How about a fat Asian basically kidnapping Finn to take him on a worthless side quest that resulted in nothing at all?

Like they could have stayed put and Admiral Homo or whatever would still have used light speed to kamikaze the command cruiser and their presence there would have change nothing.

The fact Rose got sidelined so bad in the last film was so satisfying to me

 

[Tasty Tatty]

"But it's in the books/comics" is a terrible meta excuse when it's just for one single thing that you're adding after the rest of the context is removed. Magneto and Rogue had a thing in the comics, but she was already an adult when they met and she was definitely about 20 when they slept together. In X97, they added that plotline to make a love triangle, but for the timeline to work, they had to place them meeting during a time when she was around 14 according to the show's own chronology that's not the same as the comics. They unintentionally made Magneto a groomer and then tried to fix it by saying she was in her 20s, now making her being around 30 in the show.

we can say the same about GoT ending. "It's gonna be the same as in the books" is a poor justification when the road to that plot has been terribly butchered.

speaking of GoT, they aged up a few characters and the only explanation was to make them have sex. It makes sense with characters like Dany, Robb, or Jon because they're young in the books and they have sex and you can't portray minors doing it on TV. But Missandei, Dany's translator, is 8 in the books and she has not a romantic plot. Yet, they made the actress an adult so she could have a lame love story with one of the unsullied and to show her tits.

 

[Idiotron]

Nerve (2016)

How the fuck do I even explain this?

There's this new hip cool website/app that you sign onto as either a watcher or a player.
If you decide to be a player, you get sent challenges on your phone and if you do them, you get money as well as watchers who watch you like it's a reality show.
The challenges get progressively more ridiculous and dangerous.

Who the fuck is filming this? We don't know.
Who is behind all of this? we don't know.
How the fuck does this function? We don't know.

Did I also mention that nobody over 25 is aware of this app?
Cops especially have no fucking clue about it, even though this is highly organized with potentially hundreds of people working for this "company" and also THIS APP IS AVAILABLE TO BUY ONLINE AT ALL ONLINE APP STORES!!!
Not to mention, this isn't the 1st year this is happening and in the previous year, someone died doing a really dumb dangerous challenge while being livestreamed.

This is a successful book that was adapted into a successful movie and nothing makes sense.
I suppose that the interpersonal drama and the tension is supposed to captivate the audience but the moment you start thinking, you get an aneurism.

Anyway, here's a trailer:

 

[Tasty Tatty]

In Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom, everything happens for stupid reasons.

There was no need to kill the dinos to make a few of them profitable. Nobody was going to go to the island to hunt them.

If they had to kill them, there were more ways than by a volcano. You're telling me that they had the park for years and never noticed the danger of it?

Then the little girl released dangerous dinosaurs into the wild because... she's also a clone?

 

[PonderosaPete]

It's just a ring bro. Just cast dispel magic on it. Even better, cast it in some molten iron. When it hardens it's no longer a ring. Just a block of metal. Heck, the elves got magic, just use a bunch of it to launch it into space. Even just throw it in another Volcano. What is Sauron gonna do? People bring up the Eagles all the time, but using magical jewelry a crux for a plot is stupid in general.

 

[Xev]

Moonfall but to be fair it was so bad it was good. Also, fuck the moon.

 

[Not A Bunny]

John Wick Part 2. I don't have much to say about 3 and 4, since I've only watched them in the background and paid attention to the action scenes. I admit it, I love the attention to detail in the fight scenes. It's all so fucking beautiful that I hate having to call it out for not making much sense.

Even the first one is on shaky ground, but I've been given the opportunity to sperg, so I'm gonna.

Ahem.

So, John Wick has a marker that he gives to Santino to aid in an Impossible Task. That means John owes Santino a debt, which he presumably knew before he made the deal, which is bad enough, but hey, Santino should know better than to tug on Superman's cape, right?

Uh, uh. Santino wants his sister Gianna dead so he can ascend to the High Table (and Christ...don't even get me started on the High Table; I swear, the High Table is like the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition in that it only gets explained when necessary to the plot, and nobody ever explains the whole thing in total). The only problem is, John Wick must be an idiot if he doesn't think Santino is going to try and kill him to tie up loose ends since there have to be consequences for killing a member of the High Table. There can't NOT be, and having been a member of one of the crime families under the High Table, surely John is acquainted with the rules. I figured that out when Santino brought it up in the first place, so why doesn't John know that, or at least bring it up?

Okay.

So John finds Gianna and instead of literally doing anything useful to summon Cassian (we're in the 21st century; how is it possible that Gianna doesn't have some sort of intelligent doodad to summon Cassian should she need him in any circumstance? Rule of cool, maybe that Gianna faces death like a boss, but still, she's a member of the High Table. If her only option when faced with an assassin like John Wick is to open her own wrists, being dead was probably better than trying to head a criminal empire. She couldn't even have used the knife she used to slit her wrists to buy herself some time?

Everything else that happens pretty much springs from the whole plot that kicks off the movie making no sense, so I don't need to sperg further.

In fact the one person in the movie who had any sense was Charon for boarding Wick's dog, because he seems perfectly cognizant of what happens when Wick loses a dog, so here he is canceling a fucking apocalypse. Smartest guy in the business if you ask me.

 

[McMitch]

It's just a ring bro. Just cast dispel magic on it. Even better, cast it in some molten iron. When it hardens it's no longer a ring. Just a block of metal. Heck, the elves got magic, just use a bunch of it to launch it into space. Even just throw it in another Volcano. What is Sauron gonna do? People bring up the Eagles all the time, but using magical jewelry a crux for a plot is stupid in general.

Imagine being this retarded in public, either from only knowing something second-hand or from a weird desire to be contrarian.

Tax: Winners and Sinners starring featuring Jackie Chan. Chan is a cop who has a run-in with five ex-cons trying to go straight after their stint in prison. Mostly a vehicle for juvenile Asian humor (peaking in the bath, etc.). It does, however, feature the greatest car chase in cinematography.

 

[Disastrously Dumb]

The Happening

 

[Checkerboard Hero]

The last James Bond movie where James Bond decides he wants to sit down and be blown to smithereens from missiles.

I remember laughing hysterically in the theater when that happened.

 

[PovertySprocket]

Heroes of Dirt (2015)

BMX riding white boy is too naughty (finger wag) and gets sent to community service as punishment. Befriends broke nigga there who turns out to be dope dealing nigga and there's like this cracker dope dealer who is evil and stuff but plot happens and the good guy wins just in time for the big bike competition.

The End.

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

Terminator dark fate and in a way also genisys.

 

[ShiftyBoi]

The netflix castlevania show explaining vampire's weaknesses to crosses as "geometric shapes confuse predators".

"Kanfuses da shite outta dere b'ranes, m8"
That's retarded.

Earlier in the show vampires are shown to be killed by holy water, and that's never explained. A lot of the "religion bad" stuff in the show is undermined by vampires in folklore being weak to religious symbology and ritual, why would you make a show about religious monsters if you're going to have a le reddit atheist attitude?

 

[Lobster Cult High Priest]

Nerve (2016)
View attachment 7590769
How the fuck do I even explain this?

There's this new hip cool website/app that you sign onto as either a watcher or a player.
If you decide to be a player, you get sent challenges on your phone and if you do them, you get money as well as watchers who watch you like it's a reality show.
The challenges get progressively more ridiculous and dangerous.

Who the fuck is filming this? We don't know.
Who is behind all of this? we don't know.
How the fuck does this function? We don't know.

Did I also mention that nobody over 25 is aware of this app?
Cops especially have no fucking clue about it, even though this is highly organized with potentially hundreds of people working for this "company" and also THIS APP IS AVAILABLE TO BUY ONLINE AT ALL ONLINE APP STORES!!!
Not to mention, this isn't the 1st year this is happening and in the previous year, someone died doing a really dumb dangerous challenge while being livestreamed.

This is a successful book that was adapted into a successful movie and nothing makes sense.
I suppose that the interpersonal drama and the tension is supposed to captivate the audience but the moment you start thinking, you get an aneurism.

Anyway, here's a trailer:

It's IP2 the movie.

 

[sasazuka]

I gotta go with Wayne's World 2 on this. It has a lot of funny scenes but the whole main plot about Wayne setting up a music festival just because he had a vision of Jim Morrison in a dream always felt really weak compared to the main plot of the first movie, which had a relatively tight story about creatives balancing being true to themselves and "selling out" to commercial interests and "Waynestock" was obviously so threadbare a main story arc that they had to pad it out with the (superior) The Graduate parody subplot with Cassandra almost marrying Christopher Walken's slimeball character and the scenes with Honey Hornée (Kim Basinger) seducing Garth (with ulterior motives) just to fill a short 95 minute runtime.

 

[TEA 3HF]

Every single hero story coming out of hollywood for the past 20ish years or so. Once you notice how formulaic it is, it's pathetic.

Introduce character
They either are or become a super duper badass
The hero either shows immediate resolve or a reluctance to confront the big bad
The big bad does something utterly and irredeemably bad
cue an hour of amazingly graphic violence in one continuous rampage broken up by half assed character development and cringe one liners
All this violence is completely justified by big bad being so incredibly bad
Happy Ending. In every meaning of the words, innuendo or not
Fin.

It's so fucking boring.