What is your preferred method of sacrificing Ethan Ralph for the Corn?

[SargonF00t]

I have given this a great deal of thought and I think the best way to sacrifice Ralph would be for him to have an appointment with the Wicker Man.

 

[SpergioLeonne]

The only way to do it without poisoning the corn would be cremation.

 

[RX-78]

Self immolation, which he's already handling just fine.

 

[Dead Wife]

I think Ralph were he to play along would imagine himself as a heroic player, like your ones from Armageddon or Independence Day.
Me? I think he’ll go like Gollum, sperging out one last time t-Rex arms flailing and trying to fight, bite and spit at the plump cobs of corn. Only to fall to his death into a giant vat of hot melted butter.

 

[Fivehead]

Getting into a fatal domestic with Mantsu as the victor.

 

[Stasi]

We don't have to do anything fancy, he will explode in spectacular fashion because of the gas buildup in his massive gunt after death.

 

[HONKY DESTROYER]

We don't have to do anything fancy, he will explode in spectacular fashion because of the gas buildup in his massive gunt after death.

I love how the guy runs after the explosion

 

[Shig O'nella]

Gravity, his greatest nemesis.

Watching the gunt's long, inexorable fall to complete irrelevance and obscurity is way funnier than any mere sacrifice could be.

 

[deso2y]

We should get a video of the sacrifice on CornHub and a director's cut a bit later with commentary from a certain feeder living in Serbia and a Minnesotan weeb.

 

[Vuedou]

He should be turned over to the will of the bees

 

[Calefactorite]

Hello Ethan.
For years you have relied on hollering to win arguments.
Now you must depend on hollering to save your life.
In front of you is a microphone. If your hollering falls below 90 decibels, the Maker's Mark bottles that surround you will explode, riddling your gunt with glass shards.
Live or die, Ethan. Live or die.

 

[A Sunset]

Ethan is strapped to a chair covered in dynamite, with no possessions other than a Iphone opened to his Twitter. A voice rings out from a speaker on the wall.

”Ethan, you will be shown thousands of people commenting about your life and the Killstream live on Twitter. Subjects of debate will include your height, weight, financial earnings, your murse, your alcoholism, the appearance of your fiancé, Kiwi Farms and Josh Moon, and the current success of the Killstream as a whole.

If you respond in any way on Twitter to these comments, the dynamite underneath you will explode, killing you instantly. Make your choice.”


Ethan Ralph was found dead seconds later, the charred pieces of his Gunt-Flesh scattered for miles.

 

[ANiggaNamedElmo]

Portuguese criminals living in Richmond.

 

[Pork Packer]

I say we keep it nice and simple

We chain his ankles behind his head and all of us line up to fuck him in the ass and stare him in the eyes while we do it.

Once his gunt is swollen and round from all our coom we seal up his ass with a giant corncob, and Null uses a corkscrew to pop open his belly button.

At which point we all take turns jumping on his belly to squirt out our mixed cum like a gigantic fucking pimple over our naked balls until his gunt is completely empty and every bone in his body is broken and our balls are coated with sacred ichor

We then drag our sanctified testicles along the open earth of the corn field, consecrating it for the corn to be planted

Ralph's pulverised corpse is then soaked in a barrel of makers mark, set ablaze by his final lit joint, and left to burn in the centre of the field

 

[State Champ]

Irl streaming with uncensored tts.

The only proper sacrifice would be for him to self-sacrifice. This is the way of the wigger.

 

[WhimsicalTrolli]

He will be forced fed corn while alogs get to roast him and it doesn't stop until he answer the fabled question

Spoiler

"Do you like my parodies?"

 

[Joe Swanson]

Dumping corn on his lawn until his house is buried

 

[Fougaro]

Whatever the methods are, I should happen during a KoRn concert in the middle of a corn field.

 

[NPC304348]

Somehow sharts himself to death on stream. Pantsu runs in, slips in his shit and cracks her head open. She goes into a 20 year coma. Baby xandra escapes into the woods and is raised by wolves. In the end she turns out to be a well adjusted adult. The end.

 

[Wyzzerd]

I figured a man in a corn suit with papers to collect child support could chase him around for about 5 minutes. The slight physical movement for that long is sure to make his heart explode.