What job could CWC do?

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I've said it before and I'll say it again: professional punching bag.
 
GFYS said:
What could he do? Well, he's not so profoundly handicapped that he couldn't adequately perform most jobs, which don't require social interaction. But, he's just too lazy and self-entitled to do so, with no appreciable skill or experience to speak of.

Something I've always suspected is that he could be adequate - perhaps even good - at a menial job that's repetitious... IF someone had absolute authority over him, and he wasn't permitted to leave. So much history indicates Chris is a coward, and would probably bow to authority when he learns he has no means to resist. But, that's the thing... Besides the military, prison work programs, court ordered supervised work programs, or a family business; nobody would have absolute authority over him. Chris will eventually learn he can just walk away or get himself fired, and fall back into his useless routine.

Honestly, I don't think necessity would be enough motivation. I sincerely believe Chris would obstinately die of exposure or starvation, before he would accept working any kind of job. His family doesn't want anything to do with his shit, and Barb's knocking on death's door, so there's no family business prospects. The only way Chris could be drafted into the military is as a biological weapon. As such, I also sincerely believe the only ways the world will ever bear witness to Christian Weston Chandler doing any kind of productive work, is to be sentenced to it by a court of law.

This is an extension of my belief that - if Chris ever loses the house, and doesn't inherit a protected trust fund - Chris will probably die of exposure or starvation, if he isn't put into prison. Unless you believe in merciful death, a long prison sentence is his best case scenario.
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I worked briefly in a cake factory, packing cakes in to boxes. It was a 10 hour shift and your breaks all day were 1 half our lunch and 2 ten minute tea breaks. You were on your feet for 9 hours and 10 minutes a day. Chris's profound lazyness means he'd really struggle doing that kind of work. But hey standing is great exercise... :lol:
 
DykesDykesChina said:
* Actor in one of these porn flicks in which a dorky white dude gets drilled by several niggos.
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Said dorky white dudes are usually good looking and don't poop on dicks.
 
I've thought of another one! Seeing as how Chris' behavior has become eccentric that ever before, maybe he should become a street performer.
 
NIA-DOA said:
I've thought of another one! Seeing as how Chris' behavior has become eccentric that ever before, maybe he should become a street performer.
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All he needs is an agent to market his exploits as performance art.
 
He should do a performance where he dances provocatively on McDonalds burgers while occasionally slipping over in the resulting grease.
 
Tubular Monkey said:
Boxes need stacking. Packages need taping.
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Imagine how much worse his stench gets when he sweats
 
DykesDykesChina: WTF is with your signature? It looks like ADF is trying to rape some poor woman.

trombonista: Dream on. Chris couldn't take a punch if his life depended on it and truth be told he'd only ever suffer any kind of beating in jail or at the hands of an A-Logger.

OK. OP said best case scenario, so I'm going to assume Chris has been taught proper hygiene and it has been drilled into him that he must stop being lazy and work hard to keep his job. Considering his physical state, mild labour would be his limit and he'd have to either wear diapers or see a doctor about his bowel problems. I do volunteer work at the Salvation Army warehouse when my health permits, running rejected fabric though a machine that slices clothing and bedsheets up into shop rags, a task CWC could conceivably do. (Hell, he should be made to do it as a volunteer for a while, it'll get him out of the house and teach him what giving back to the community really entails. >:D) Some kind of sheltered workshop would be ideal, but failing that any kind of mindless, repetitive task suited for his wasted strength. Don't forget, this is an adult autistic child who has abstained from any kind of upper body exercise for so long that he can't even break pressboard or tear thick cardboard and thinks a chair weighs "a grand number of pounds", dyscalculia notwithstanding.

The only barriers Chris has to gainful employment are hygiene issues and laziness. At least I have an excuse; my health issues make me a terribly unreliable worker. I could be perfectly fine one day but then be out of action for a week. No employer wants to hire someone like that unless it's freelance and freelance work in my field of expertise is practically nonexistent. At least with volunteer work they're OK with me not being able to show up because it's completely up to me.
 
Brother, Chris could be used as an example of what happens if one ignores the demandments of Hulkamania. Chris is the epitome of not training and not eating vitamins.
 
Hulk Hogan said:
Brother, Chris could be used as an example of what happens if one ignores the demandments of Hulkamania. Chris is the epitome of not training and not eating vitamins.
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chris=jobber
 
CatParty said:
Hulk Hogan said:
Brother, Chris could be used as an example of what happens if one ignores the demandments of Hulkamania. Chris is the epitome of not training and not eating vitamins.
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chris=jobber
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Brother, Chris would job to the jobbers.
 
Barry Horowitz would destroy Chris.

I have to amend my previous comment to include his physical limitations. I, too, doubt he could perform any hard labor. He's in terrible shape, and too much stress too soon could result in catastrophic failures in his body. Still, there are plenty of menial jobs he could still perform, even with a body that's 90% fat. One of my clients employs a whole bunch of hard luck seniors and special needs people to fold letters, stuff 'em in envelopes, seal 'em, and run 'em through a printer and postage machine. They're very accommodating (personally, I think too accommodating at times) of their physical limitations and special needs, though that's reflected in not paying a living wage. However, for some folks, it's all they can do to earn any money at all. If it were my call, I would have replaced them with a Konica Minolta bizhub years ago, and would be saving money by four or five months. Compared to many of the unfortunate people I've seen working there, Chris is nowhere near as disabled (obstinance and willful ignorance aside).
 
The only solution is to have a boss who knows Chris like we do and would make it his or her mad quest to spend infinite time and resources to fix him. Chris would have to start out with working only 10 hrs per week, and a social worker who would follow him around on his shifts for the first month and then check on him periodically after that. It would likely be a janitorial position, as food prep would be too dangerous and customer relations near impossible. After he gets the hang of it, it can go up to 20 hours per week, and sometimes 25, but he would not be able to do anything more than that.
 
sethrutgers22 said:
The only solution is to have a boss who knows Chris like we do and would make it his or her mad quest to spend infinite time and resources to fix him. Chris would have to start out with working only 10 hrs per week, and a social worker who would follow him around on his shifts for the first month and then check on him periodically after that. It would likely be a janitorial position, as food prep would be too dangerous and customer relations near impossible. After he gets the hang of it, it can go up to 20 hours per week, and sometimes 25, but he would not be able to do anything more than that.
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But, unless it was court appointed work, what stops Chris from quitting or walking away?

Legally, nobody else can force him to work except such an authority. Even Barb can't legally force him to do anything, since he can always leave the house. Would he? Doubt it. But there aren't any other people whose authority Chris respects enough that he'd work hard for. He could be beaten into subservience, but that poses legal risk to his subjugator. What duty can Chris perform, that would be worth risking felony abuse or kidnapping charges? Only a prison authority or legally appointed overseer would be have some exemption, in order to force him to work.

I still don't think necessity is enough motivation. I genuinely believe Chris could be staring certain death in the face, being given a 100% foolproof way out, and then sighing while resigning himself to death because the way out requires 3 hours of work.
 
Well, Chris could always... Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Wait for it....

SORT GLASS.

I'm sorry, I had to do it.. Seeing this topic brought back memories from the old thread.
 
Judging from Cole's reviews, Chris could do that.

Also then he could offer ebay auctions to hang out with a TRUE AND HONEST CRITIC where people may actually be inclined to pay. It's a win/win in the sense that Chris would be..."productive," and you gotta assume Cole would lose his shit that people would rather hang out with Chris than him, WORLD RENOWNED MOVIE CRITIC FOR INTELLECTUALS!
 
he's better off mooching from the government because he basically can't work a job. he'd scare away customers and at best, he half asses anything he does (including what he wants most, to find a sweetheart).
 
CWC would probably be better at vidya reviewing. He plays children's vidya for the most part, so he'd be an intellectual equal to his readers.

He could definitely make money by charging people to hang out with him, as long as he doesn't charge Cole's rates.
 
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