What kind of list clickbait articles would Null write for Cracked?

"Top Ten forum users that pissed me off the most" (also can't help but feel that Listverse would have him on)
 
I asked 10 internet autists what they like to post on the (I)nternet, here's what they said (Number 3 will shock you!):
 
Seven Things No One Tells You About Having Irregularly Spaced Eyes (Not Even Your Eye Doctor!)
[First thing is something his eye doctor told him]

The Five Biggest Clues That the Fat Old Dude Who Rang the Doorbell Every Halloween Asking For Candy was Actually Your Dad
 
How about some current-year journalist style headlines:

"I tried eating cornstarch. Here's what you need to know."

"Online "gamba seshs" are on the rise. Experts say they are rigged."

"There is a rise in Anti-Israeli rhetoric on the Internet. Here's why that's a good thing."
 
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