What kind of list clickbait articles would Null write for Cracked?

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"Top Ten forum users that pissed me off the most" (also can't help but feel that Listverse would have him on)
 
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I asked 10 internet autists what they like to post on the (I)nternet, here's what they said (Number 3 will shock you!):
 
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Seven Things No One Tells You About Having Irregularly Spaced Eyes (Not Even Your Eye Doctor!)
[First thing is something his eye doctor told him]

The Five Biggest Clues That the Fat Old Dude Who Rang the Doorbell Every Halloween Asking For Candy was Actually Your Dad
 
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How about some current-year journalist style headlines:

"I tried eating cornstarch. Here's what you need to know."

"Online "gamba seshs" are on the rise. Experts say they are rigged."

"There is a rise in Anti-Israeli rhetoric on the Internet. Here's why that's a good thing."
 
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