What kind of superpowers would you want? - Mask your insecurities with absurd superpowers

[Seraphic_Vishnal]

Echo location

 

[Marco Fucko]

I want immortality with eternal youth attached, so I can just sort of roam around and do whatever the fuck i want and observe stuff without worrying about getting shot.

 

[Foltest]

That everytime I check my bank account, it will add 500 euro to it, tax free of course.

 

[GC_Positive]

I'd like the ability to store kinetic energy. I think there are a bunch of cool ways that you could use this ability. For instance, if you lived on the top floor of a building you could just jump out the window and store all the energy from the impact of your fall.

Once you've got a large stockpile of energy you could traverse large distances by skipping with each jump expending some of your stored energy. You could also punch people with the impact of falling to your death from a skyscraper too which would be awesome.

 

[PowPow]

Being super saiyan would be enough.

 

[Wendy Carter]

Midas touch, but instead of turning things into gold it turns people into lolcows. Walking around and threatening people with finger guns while yelling "Give me all your money or I will fucking Chris Chan you!"

I have a list.

Is the list just every single person that negrated you on Kiwi Farms?

 

[NARPASSWORD]

I would like the superpower of shitposting IRL.

 

[Wendy Carter]

Someone think of a more useless power than being able to turn into a loaf of bread (without keeping your mind).

Being able to turn into a loaf of bread and keeping your mind... but without being able to turn back.

You forgot someone who would love to have either - vore fetishists.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

I already have the greatest super power: clean poops, nothing but net.

Other than that and it's not a super power as much as it is magic, but necromancy is the obvious answer. Controlling skeletons sounds weak, they're not a powerful foe, but think about it, any living thing of value has a skeleton in them. Control the skeletons, control the world. Either that or Patrick Stewarts mind powers, not the X-men powers, the mind-powers that makes women's clothes fall off so I can see everything.

That everytime I check my bank account, it will add 500 euro to it, tax free of course.

Do I have a movie for you, you should watch 13 Game Sayawng, not the shit American remake but the Thai original.

 

[Count groudon]

Power copying. Why should I spend all this time trying to think up cool powers and the mechanics of how they work when I could literally just fucking poke somebody and have whatever I want?

 

[TungstenCarbide]

Teleport. So i could stay in bed longer in the morning and I wouldn't have to drive for 30 minutes to go to work.

 

[UN 474]

The ability to telepathically transmit horrific images into everyone's head simultaneously.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

A magical girl complete with a sparkly transformation sequence and power-ups.

Or just the ability to talk to animals. Whichever's more convenient.

 

[PL 001]

Emotion manipulation/compelling voice. Mind control is too blatant, it's like taking a sledgehammer to their head. Making them convince themselves I'm their best friend or it's in their best interest to listen to me is far more subtle and insidious....and I just realized typing this I'm basically Grima Wormtongue.

 

[Krimjob]

Mind control. Like the Jedi force one, but more powerful.

"Yes, you do want to blow me and call me Senpai".

 

[Recoil]

I would like the superpower of shitposting IRL.

Consider street art.

 

[PT 522]

Invisibility/intangibility and the power to compel people to tell the truth even against their will, maybe with a memory wipe so they can't remember me or what they have told me. It would be fun to follow government officials into classified meetings or force police investigators and/or suspects to tell me what really happened the night of a controversial crime.

You could literally become the shadow leader of the world if you play your cards right and that's kinda cool I guess.

 

[SugarSnot]

Super Scavenger

The ability to readily access anything that people have discarded/thrown away. I would never run out of food because I could just teleport good food that is not going to get eaten anyway to me. I would have a bigger wardrobe than I know what to do with. I'd have a lot of pocket change that I could cash in on, and I guess I'd have some minor impact on the environment.

 

[LazloChalos]

Empathic manipulation.

I'd probably just fuck with people, such as giving vegans anxiety whenever they reach for soylent and euphoria whenever they drive by a hamburger place.

 

[PT 522]

Also I've always wanted to fly so toss a pair of wings on my gay ass wishes too