What melee weapon would you use if you had your back against a wall with 2 pit bulls approaching? - What would be your strategy?

[Noname57]

Would you go offense or defense?

I’d go for a katana myself, long range and sharp. I’d strike first on the first one and play defense with the second.

 

[Noname57]

designed for fast action against unarmored targets.

That’s what I was thinking. One wrong move and the pibble gets you.

 

[Blasterisk]

A lightsaber, preferably. Unrealistic, but if I could, that's my first pick.

 

[Troonologist PhD]

The Lance of Longinus

 

[Slimy Time]

A club or mace (medieval) of some sort. If my back is against the wall and there are several of them then a pole arm would be inefficient. With the a club or mace I don't need to worry about edge alignment or the blade getting stuck in one of them. Just smash them and that will do.

 

[verygayFrogs]

My hands.
To pet them.
Because y’all are weenies

 

[Jeff Boomhauer]

A stick to play fetch.

 

[Disheveled Human]

Cattle prod, the same one they use around large cats.

 

[Vecr]

Long handle pickax/mattock type thing.

 

[Noname57]

Cattle prod, the same one they use around large cats.

What does a cattle prod do against humans, large cats, and dogs?

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

Would you go offense or defense?

Offense. The best defense is a great offense. Which is why the best way to take out a pitbull is in a preemptive strike, preferably with dark chocolate. It’s the shinobi way....

I’d go for a katana myself, long range and sharp. I’d strike first on the first one and play defense with the second.

While others were partying, I mastered the blade.

I think the Katana is no bad choice... Its designed for fast action against unarmored targets.

Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen. This is a fact and you can't deny it.

 

[Disheveled Human]

What does a cattle prod do against humans, large cats, and dogs?

Imagine a taser on a stick but for cows. Dogs would fuck of real quick when contact is made saving your life while most likely not harming the dog long term. It can kill though here is a video of a cattle prod being used on a horse at a rodeo to get the animal to buck and thrash around but unfortunately causes the horse to die most likely from cardiac arrest.

 

[TaterFarmer]

Imagine a taser on a stick but for cows. Dogs would fuck of real quick when contact is made saving your life while most likely not harming the dog long term. It can kill though here is a video of a cattle prod being used on a horse at a rodeo to get the animal to buck and thrash around but unfortunately causes the horse to die most likely from cardiac arrest.

Like was posted, cattle prods are the original taser only not intended to be strong enough to disable... only intended to "convince" a large animal to move.

That horse is likely a HYPP horse and the prod induced an attack. HYPP is a genetic disease in quarter horses that makes them look bulky but also prone to EXTREME, often life exterminating, muscle spasms. A cattle prod would not normally kill the animal it's used on. Also, Rodeos are some of the most fucked up shit going. I'd be happy to have the humans lined up and use a cattle prod on them to test my understanding of their lethality.

 

[Exigent Circumcisions]

My dick lol

 

[Just Dont]

The only reasonable weapon is a knife.

You faggots are so unrealistic and played to many vidya with your suggestion. Holy shit! Let me educate you on basic threat assessment:

First off: the scenario put you against two pitbuls and a wall. We can say the doggos are rabid and charging at you and the wall limits your movement.

Second off: any sort of long range or swinging weapon won't serve you for fast moving targets or without mobility. If you have a spear the most probable thing will be that you miss and the doggos will eat you or you managed to hit a fast charging pitbul and lodge the spear in it meanwhile the other doggo maul you and eat your face.

Third off: Katanas and Machetes require swinging. The wall prevents any swinging. Plus dogs get more aggressive when they see you trying to swing at them so before you can try to pathetically defend yourself like an anime character, you'll be dead.

Fourth: Lmfao at the faggot who suggested a gun in a closed space panicking and with fast moving attackers.

The only way to come out alive is with a knife. The pitbuls will invariable close the distance and attack you, you have 2 threats and no mobility so you must stand your ground with a reliable, fast and deadly weapon that could serve to deal with fast attackers: ergo a Knife. Not a serrated knife but preferably a dagger that can puncture instead of cutting.

The two doggos will charge you, at the same time, you position your body towards one and crouch ready to take the charge of it, while charging you aim the knife at his head. They will collide with you and one of them will die if punctured by the knife. The other doggo will try to eat you but if you are fast and still hold the knife you can aim to the head and kill it. If you lose the knife you are done.

You still suffer wounds but at least you will be alive.

 

[Solid Snek]

The only reasonable weapon is a knife.

You faggots are so unrealistic and played to many vidya with your suggestion. Holy shit! Let me educate you on basic threat assessment:

First off: the scenario put you against two pitbuls and a wall. We can say the doggos are rabid and charging at you and the wall limits your movement.

Second off: any sort of long range or swinging weapon won't serve you for fast moving targets or without mobility. If you have a spear the most probable thing will be that you miss and the doggos will eat you or you managed to hit a fast charging pitbul and lodge the spear in it meanwhile the other doggo maul you and eat your face.

Third off: Katanas and Machetes require swinging. The wall prevents any swinging. Plus dogs get more aggressive when they see you trying to swing at them so before you can try to pathetically defend yourself like an anime character, you'll be dead.

Fourth: Lmfao at the faggot who suggested a gun in a closed space panicking and with fast moving attackers.

The only way to come out alive is with a knife. The pitbuls will invariable close the distance and attack you, you have 2 threats and no mobility so you must stand your ground with a reliable, fast and deadly weapon that could serve to deal with fast attackers: ergo a Knife. Not a serrated knife but preferably a dagger that can puncture instead of cutting.

The two doggos will charge you, at the same time, you position your body towards one and crouch ready to take the charge of it, while charging you aim the knife at his head. They will collide with you and one of them will die if punctured by the knife. The other doggo will try to eat you but if you are fast and still hold the knife you can aim to the head and kill it. If you lose the knife you are done.

You still suffer wounds but at least you will be alive.

That's dumb.

The only weapon you need is a cow's hoof. Maybe a steak, a tennis ball, or a length of rope that's knotted on one end; any of those will work.

Pitbulls are fluffy-wuffy doggie-woggies, and the best way to deal with them is to play with them. Give them the snack (cow hoof, steak), throw them the ball, or let them chomp on the rope and then pull them this way and that. It'll take a good ten, fifteen minutes of exercise, but keep at it and you'll eventually get them too tired to eat you. Then all you gotta do is rub their belly-wellies and walk away.

(real talk, though: best way to beat a pitbull is to wrestle them. Tuck your chin, cover your throat, and shoot down and under; your aim is to control the dog's head by grabbing hold of the underside of their neck, right where their neck connects with their lower jaw - ideally with your hand but also with your knee or elbow or even just your center mass if you can't get your hand there fast enough. If you can control this area on a dog, then there's very little they can do. They'll try and scratch you with their paws and I'll tell you from experience that this can hurt like hell, but get in close and control the underside of their neck and they become physiologically incapable of biting you, which makes them much, much less dangerous, and turns a certain mauling into merely a few superficial scratches. But if it's TWO dogs then you're going to have a problem, since one can bite you while you're neutralizing the other, but in that case either get them both by the underside of the neck (you gotta be fast, lucky, and strong, maybe pull them together so you can sit on 'em, across their upper chests), or else just run like hell and shout for help.)

 

[Miss Misery]

Mhrmm. A kaiser blade. Some folks call it a sling blade, I call it a kaiser blade. It's just a long handle, kind of like an axe handle. With a long blade on it shaped kinda like a bananer. Mhm. Sharp on one edge, and dull on the other. Mhm. It's what the highway boys use to cut down weeds and whatnot.

 

[Bob's Vagene]

My cock.

 

[Some JERK]

Bear mace. Fog the entire area. We're all going to hell for a few hours.

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

2 donuts on a rope …