What sensible job leads can you give DSP? - Kiwi Farms turns placement agency

[DoubleBored]

Tbh if it gets to the point that he really needs a job, i think he would go back to his parents house, then, if he's still alive after their parents die, he would go to a janitorial/cashier job at a local grocer o something; thanks to his legacy of 10 YEARS! (as he like to remember us everyday) he didnt improved in anything, he doesnt have any proficiency or skills besides begging and snorting.

I don't think Dave would receive or undestand any advice, he is too sturborn and egocentric to think about that, he would literally have to be on the worst situation possible to get any job, and that job would be low level because his lack of skills.

 

[Waveysauce]

Tbh if it gets to the point that he really needs a job, i think he would go back to his parents house, then, if he's still alive after their parents die, he would go to a janitorial/cashier job at a local grocer o something; thanks to his legacy of 10 YEARS! (as he like to remember us everyday) he didnt improved in anything, he doesnt have any proficiency or skills besides begging and snorting.

I don't think Dave would receive or undestand any advice, he is too sturborn and egocentric to think about that, he would literally have to be on the worst situation possible to get any job, and that job would be low level because his lack of skills.

he is 2 lazy and out of shape to ever take a job standing up at work. he would just blame his back, so would never accept a cashier job. if he had to take something low pay he would try to find something sitting down or die trying

that said dont think a major neet could find anything like that, maybe sitting at a toll booth giving out tickets

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Jizz mopper at a nudie booth.

 

[Done]

I already mentioned this before, but he could make a semi-decent living in vidya QA, nigga has an unbelievable talent for fucking up in video games, he fucks up in ways no developer could predict.

EDIT: Official Pigroach anthem:

Spoiler: Lyrics

I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Hey hey
Well I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Hey hey
And I said I need dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
And if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me

Bad times are comin' and I reap what I don't sow
Hey hey
Well let me tell you somethin' all that glitters ain't gold
Hey hey
It's been a long old trouble long old troublesome road
And I'm looking for somebody come and help me carry this load

I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Hey hey
Well I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Well I don't know if I'm walking on solid ground
Cause everything around me is falling down
And all I want - is for someone - to help me

I had a job but the boss man let me go
He said
I'm sorry but I won't be needing your help no more
I said
Please mister boss man I need this job more than you know
But he gave me my last paycheck and he sent me on out the door

Well I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Hey hey
Said I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Hey hey
And I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
And if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me
Well I don't know if I'm walking on solid ground
Cause everything around me is crumbling down
And all I want is for someone to help me

What in the world am I gonna to do tomorrow
Is there someone whose dollar that I can borrow
Who can help me take away my sorrow
Maybe its inside the bottle
Maybe its inside the bottle
I had some good old buddy his names is whiskey and wine
Hey hey
And for my good old buddy I spent my last dime
Hey hey
My wine is good to me it helps me pass the time
And my good old buddy whiskey keeps me warmer than the sunshine
Hey Hey
Your mom of mayhem just a child has got his own
Hey Hey
If god has plans for me I hope it ain't, written in stone
Hey Hey
Because I've been working working myself down to the bone
And I swear on grandpas grave I'll be paid when I come home
Hey Hey

Well I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Hey hey
Said need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need
Hey hey
Well I need a dollar dollar, a dollar is what I need hey hey
And if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me
Come on share your dollar with me
Go ahead share your dollar with me
Come on share your dollar give me your dollar
Share your dollar with me
Come on share your dollar with me

 

[Preferred Penne]

"Hello sir, my name is Phil and I am work for the Microsoft. I see you hab many wiruses in de competer and we will fix dem for you. Dere are many online hackers in your competer and for small sharge of 500 dollar, we will clean you competer for you."

 

[DarkSoulsPhil]

I would hire him to test games for bugs in an instant. Legit never seen the bugs and issues he encounters before. Even in games i have a lot of hours on.

The man truly has a skill for fucking up.

 

[Near]

Get hired by Patreon. They have the street smarts to move to fucking UK, and cause a pledge denial apocalypse. He'd fit right in.

 

[Dave]

He'd be good at getting donations or a bill collector. He somehow can get money out of people so there's that.

 

[TaterBot]

garbage collector

 

[SadClownMan]

I would say construction since that's a good paying job that doesn't require you to have the highest of educations, but I forgot this is DSP we are talking about, he'll be to busy bitching about his gout and "muh bad back" to actually get anything done. Lets see, Garbage collector is another possibility, or you know he could always take up the role as a janitor

 

[Tigerwatch]

I would say construction since that's a good paying job that doesn't require you to have the highest of educations, but I forgot this is DSP we are talking about, he'll be to busy bitching about his gout and "muh bad back" to actually get anything done. Lets see, Garbage collector is another possibility, or you know he could always take up the role as a janitor

Those are all far too labor-intensive for him. He'd either quit or die from exhaustion before the first paycheck rolls in

 

[Kosher Dill]

I'm thinking civil service. He could probably buckle down and study for the exam, pass it, and get some sort of low-level job pushing paper for a county government office where he'd be impossible to fire no matter how many times he snorts.

 

[Heckler1]

I could see Phil streaming out of a hovel, collecting government assistance, while hoarding children's pennies. He lacks the work ethic or morals to do anything upstanding with his life at this point.

 

[Commander Keen]

I'm thinking civil service. He could probably buckle down and study for the exam, pass it, and get some sort of low-level job pushing paper for a county government office where he'd be impossible to fire no matter how many times he snorts.

In the US you don't need to take a civil service exam except for a handful of jobs like FBI, CIA, air traffic controller, and a few others. Clerical jobs for a local government just do what any other organization does and just check your resume and ask you a few fill-in-the-blank questions on the application.

 

[Max Dragon]

Can't he use his "bad back" as an excuse to get a disability tugboat from the government?

 

[Kosher Dill]

In the US you don't need to take a civil service exam except for a handful of jobs like FBI, CIA, air traffic controller, and a few others.

And the post office, let us not forget that.

Even if he can't get a leg up via book smarts, I do think he ideally needs to get into some sort of unionized white-collar job like government, the kind that high-flyers disdain because "it holds down the high achievers while insulating the deadweight from consequences". He can be the deadweight.
Plus, don't those kind of places tie promotion and raises pretty strictly to years on the job? As long as he racks up another 10 year legacy... let the green roll in!

 

[Ruthless54]

Swatting victim recovery councilor. He will also lead a movement that will result to a passing of the Streamers of North Americas Obligation to Resist Trolls... also known as S.N.O.R.T... this bill will label all acts of swatting as terrorism punishable by a minimum of 15 years in federal prison.

 

[Zaryiu]

There's no job that Phil could even mediocrily do since he has literally no skills

 

[This+]

Televangelist.

 

[NiggoPls]

Televangelist.

He'd probably be as sincere about religion as he is about his "love" for gaming. Of all the suggestions so far, this is the only one I could really see him doing.