What should I do if a baby tries to kill me?

[Agent Abe Caprine]

I know it's unlikely, but I like being prepared. Never know when a baby will whip out a gat.

 

[Penis Drager 2.0]

Put a lemon in his mouth and he'll forget what he was doing.

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

let go of the leash

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

1. Do not panic. Babies can smell fear
2. Look for a safe space to hide. Babies have a very limited spacial memory. Even holding up a blanket over your face may confuse the baby and make it think you have left
3. Make loud noises, spread your arms and make yourself appear larger
4. If all else fails, fight. A poke in the eyes or other soft tissue make temporarily stun the baby. Try to escape while the baby is stunned
5. Call CPS. Child protective services only job is to protect you from feral children. These professionals will have the training and equipment needed to dispatch the infantile threat

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

let go of the leash
View attachment 7064926

Won't work. The pitty just ignores the murderous babby.

 

[dick brain]

They have a Weak Spot like in Japanese Video Games, it's on the top of their head.

 

[Cat tit bingo]

 

[Forever A Loner]

one word: minigun