What would you do if you had a kiwi farms thread about YOU?

[bear hammer]

So, you wake up one day and find out the internet's worst gossip forum has a thread with your full name on it. Maybe you deserved it, maybe you didn't. Either way, the kiwis are digging, the archives are growing, and they are saying really mean things about your mother that you don't think are true.

What do you do next? Do you lean into it, go full cow and make the thread a goldmine? Do you try to disappear from the internet and pray they get bored? Or do you fight back, and make it your life’s mission to take that thread OFF THE GOD DAMN INTERNET?

 

[Lou Bega]

I would be relieved that they're only saying mean things about my mother instead of me and perhaps join them in making fun of her.

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

what ive learned from seeing people react to their own thread, the best option is to stop your lolcow behavior, stop documenting your life, and ignore your thread. a lot of people with threads become obsessed with monitoring their thread and it is always to their detriment.

 

[piripiri]

People don't understand that unless you are desperate for attention, there won't be a thread about you on here.

If you stop doing stupid shit for attention, then your thread will die. If you rely on attention for your income, you may be in trouble.

You underestimate how forgiving the people on this site actually are and how much they hope the best for a lot of the lolcows.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

Monetize that shit, I could subsist on troll DoorDash and PayPal donations

 

[Smokeski]

Come on and start posting photos of me fucking dudes in the butt to pwn the trolls.

 

[THE SUPREME ONION]

get rich and famous and let losers pay for my bills like chris chan

 

[soup peddler]

I don't have a current online presence, so the only thing they could have found would be my tween emo deviantart account, in which case I would pity the posters

 

[Axiom.]

"Excellent."

 

[Althalus]

I would immediately tardrage, sperg out, and start demanding they get everything about me off the internet. If that failed, I would post videos of myself beating up pillows and ripping boxes to demonstrate my fearsome strength, so that the trolls would become frightened.

That would definitely work.

 

[Power Ranger Monster]

Use it as my own general thread. After all if it's about me then I can never get off-topic...

 

[Harvey Danger]

Make a sock account and casually post in it. Then start "sleuthing" out new details about me and exposing hidden accounts from my past. Have my monitored accounts accidentally confirm those details. Over the next 2 years, build up a reputation as the site's most reliable doxer. Then, when the time is right, "uncover" a startling secret about my favorite lolcow and have the whole site believe it's true.

 

[Doktor Grimm]

I'd be very confused as to how they managed to determine my full name from the two social media accounts I don't use. Then I'd join them in dissecting the shitty fanfiction I wrote at age 13.

 

[Merton J. Dingle]

Either ignore it or if there are things that are blatantly false, go into the thread and calmly and politely correct them while being prepared to admit fault for many things. I'd like to think that I'm tactful enough that I wouldn't get as hostile of a reaction as what Destiny got when he was posting in his thread. But most likely I would just ignore it.

 

[Professor G. Raff]

Uhbuntu Giraffe Raff / Professor G. Raff / Tall Tree Professor / SpotLover63
Degenerate long-neck who lusts after fat hippo ass, shat himself while sticking his neck into a tall African tree to eat some leaves, fakes being a professor with phony online accreditation, a literal monkey stole his hat.

How do I even reply to this thread without sounding mad?

 

[Gorton Colu]

If I had a thread it would mean that I had become a complete dumbass retard.

I would create dozens of socks and shit up my thread till it was useless and unreadable.

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

go into the thread and calmly and politely correct them

but the desire to read the lies and correct the record is what gets many people in trouble. rackets and elaine miller are two examples of this.

 

[Justice Tony]

Either become a monk and disappear off the internet or crashout

 

[DoNotFeedTheSneed]

Reassess my behavior and ignore the thread.

 

[Hellwalker]

Call it a personal army request.