What would you do with $5,000,000

(Obligatory "for my kid'so college fund" bullshit)

Now that THAT is outta the way, I would buy up a couple of the goldmines in the hills and use the cash to get those back in to production.

Because all I want is to be a crusty old goldminer from way back in the day. Too much to ask? Nay, I say. I SAY THEE NAY.
 
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Honestly? I'll spill the beans.

Retire. My dream retirement will cost a lot less. So probably put the rest in the market and let it grow for a trust to split when I die. My plan for retirement is go "off grid" I'm going to buy a little cabin probably close to where I live a few dozen acres it wouldn't break deep in the 6 figures where I'm planning. Set up a well, plow a big zone garden, solar panels battery back up, etc. Have most the modern plushness with no connections and hunt off the land aside the food I grow.

Friends and family welcome when ever and if they want to use the place privately I'll just go camp.

I would probably treat myself to a few dozen more guns and repaint my car as well.
 
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I'd pay off my parents' house. I would buy five different lake houses. I'm going for the cheapest especially one bedroom because that's all my forever alone ass needs.

I would buy the kayak and sup board that I have my eye on (I'm saving up and using my tax money for them). I would buy the pakayak, oru kayak, and the folbot kayak that I all have my eye on.

Buy more paddling clothes for cold water especially a drysuit.

I would buy a hybrid, smart car, and a tesla. I would buy my dad a brand new vehicle.

I would quit my job and go back to college for who knows what. I would most likely get a part time job just to get out.

I would buy myself a house in town used during the winter months AKA home base.

Pay off all of my credit cards and medical debts.

I would collect limited edition Louis Vuitons and Longchamp le Pliage bags.

Upgrade my smart phone and buy an ipad pro for college.

The left overs will be split between me and my parents. I will be putting my half in the bank.

I would hands down work for a living. I spend 18 months as a NEET and 2 and a half weeks unemployed. I really hated it.

TL;DR: It's mostly spend on adult toys (not those kind), houses, and pay off debt.
 
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$5,000,000 Plan Mk. 2:

Buy all the houses on Branchland Court except for the Chandlers.

Pay the home owners above market value for their houses and help them move.

Tear down all the houses and consolidate the lots into one big property.

Build a mansion on the property and add things like a huge pool, horse stable, guest house that's larger than the Chandlers' house, huge garage, etc.

Buy a collection of classic and luxury vehicles; enough to drive a different vehicle every day.

Mount surveillance cameras around the property, including some aimed towards the Chandler house, and have them connected to the Internet.

Build a wall around my new property to keep out trespassers. Have signs all around the property stating "Trespassers will be shot on sight!". Also lots of Trump for President signs.

Sit back and wait for the passive/aggressive Facebook posts and videos from Chris about his "greedy, selfish, rich, Trump supporting neighbor flaunting and showing off their wealth".

Throw lots of parties and invite all you fine Kiwi Farmers.
 
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Waste all the money on useless shit and then feel all the buyers remorse.

Alternatively: Do what @The Dude has in the last part of his post, throw a party that invites all Kiwi's. And then secretly have us all shot so the survivors can make a shitpost thread in how almost all Kiwi's are now dead.
 
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I'll save 4 million in a bank account
Even at the low low interest rate of 3% per annum I'd still get $120000 a year, which is more than enough to live off comfortably.
Use the million to pay off (parents') debts, etc and invest the rest in...something? Might as well, I want more money goddamn it

Oh, and I'd probably take out about a hundred thousand to build myself a fancy laboratory to m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶t̶h̶ do interesting science shit in.
 
Buy $4,000,000 worth of various toys (vidya, legos, mlp, transformers)
Find a mate for Chris, fund the birth of Crystal
Sell the Chandler dynasty toys for eternity
Possible Content?????
Profit
 
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