What would your ideal city look like?

Ideally, my own city would be more of a town or even a village. Nothing over 100,000 people. It should be easy for anyone to get anywhere on foot or with a bicycle. Public transportation should consist of a few minibuses primarily for the elderly and disabled. If your city requires a subway or a bus system, it's probably too large. Roundabouts should replace lights wherever possible. Architectural style would allow for some experimentation, but with a few regulations for good taste and harmony with other structures. Concrete slabs and McMansions with brick fronts and creme-color siding would be explicitly banned. As much business as possible should be locally-owned and products, particularly food, sourced from nearby. Healthcare and education should be free for locals, but outsiders would have to pay. There should be ample green space, both in the form of parks for sports and for children to play, as well as relatively untouched areas with maybe a few trails.
 
A grid, but one which follows local topographical features like rivers and allows for large public parks. Public parking for retail locations, with well-placed cart return silos. Each silo will have a stockade in the middle, for people who don't return carts. Instead of expired produce being thrown out, it will be left out for shoppers to pelt the non-returners with rotten garbage. I would have it be a pedestrian and cyclist friendly city, with sidewalks, lots of crosswalks, and bike lanes. Outside of these bike lanes and crosswalks, it is not only legal to run the pedestrians and cyclists over with your car, motorists who do so receive a bounty from the local government. The cyclists which fall to such vehicular manslaughter will have their mangled bicycles and bleached bones piled into large macabre works of public sculpture in the perfectly manicured parks, and every bicycle trail in the city will bend towards traffic circles which rotate around these, forcing the cyclists to forever contemplate their vulnerability and mortality, thus guaranteeing their continued humility and docility. It would have wrought-iron lamp posts, on which will hang the bleached skulls of deceased jaywalkers. There would be a publicly funded flower box initiative to beautify the city and bring calm and peace to the inhabitants. The air above these idyllic streets would be filled with drones armed with a single piece of piano wire. These drones will identify and target any cyclists wearing spandex for immediate decapitation. Outside major intersections, in the suburbs, traffic circles will be the norm, with expressways with no speed limit to allow quick travel by car. Every car driven in the city will be equipped with electrodes in the driving seat, and if a critical mass of surrounding drivers vote to do so they can give you a brief but sharp electric shock. This will prevent slow driving in the passing lane. Retailers and citizens who put out Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving will be executed by firing squad.
 
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  • Semper Fidelis
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Curzon Dax-sama, MadStan and Meat Target
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