What's the worst writing advice you've been given in school?

Here are a few common ones:


"Keep all the paragraphs in an essay a similar length."

Paragraph and sentence length are the primary signpost used to help the reader understand relative importance and expected focus within a work. Long sentences and paragraphs invite skimming and are good for dense body copy, but bad when you're making big points. Short sentences -- or those punctuated in ways that set off important clauses -- give your reader a clue to slow down and read more carefully.


"Start by developing your thesis statement, then write your intro, your body, and your conclusion."

This is advice literally given to teach to the requirements of standardized writing assessments, where you have an hour or less to compose an essay. Once you graduate high school, you should never write this way again ... but college profs are often idiots who tell you to do this, too. I can't say how many profs I've seen who tell students to have their thesis statement and then start researching and writing an essay. What a backwards idea! How do you know your thesis before you've grounded yourself in some research? Write down some preliminary notes about how you think you feel about the topic, then start your research, then keep jotting notes down to start forming your thesis.

So, write a "placeholder" introductory paragraph when you think you've got something good, work through your body, and then the magic happens: you'll find that your conclusion may actually have a different thesis than your introduction. That is good! It means you've learned something -- taught yourself something! -- while writing your paper. Your conclusion will have your real thesis. Go back, delete as much of your placeholder introduction as seems prudent, and retool it with your new, more educated thesis in mind.


"To edit your work, go through it and fix the grammatical and spelling errors."

This isn't what editing is. That's proofreading, and it's the absolute final step before something goes out the door. Editing comes before proofreading. You start editing from the macro level and move toward the micro level. Start with a global read of your paper. Does it make sense overall? Does the body of the paper have arguments supporting your conclusions? Are those arguments backed with appropriate, convincing evidence?

Next, check your paragraphs and sentences. Do they flow well from one into another? Two exercises will help. #1: Read it out loud. This will genuinely help your ability to find sentences that end abruptly or seem to not flow correctly into the next sentence. #2: Print out your entire paper in a relatively big font (it may be a lot of pages). Cut it up: cut each paragraph out separately. Jumble them up. See what happens if you try to put it back together. Did you put it back together in the same order? If a paragraph seems like it doesn't flow or isn't focused within itself, cut it up further into individual sentences. See if you can put it in a different order to make it make more sense (possibly after changing some of the connective tissue to improve flow). Don't be afraid to delete some sentences entirely. Digressions may be true but they don't contribute to your actual argument.

Only after you've done this work at the overall argument, paragraph, and sentence level should you concern yourself with the more typical tasks of proofreading: grammar and spelling checks, punctuation, and so on. Don't try to do this step at the same time as the others. Do it after. You don't even know what you're keeping or where it's going until you've done real edits. But there were also a lot of good writing advice, which was really helpful for me. I've never had many problems with writing a creative paper, review, or something where I had a chance to represent my thoughts. But not a single piece of advice ever helped me when it came to more difficult research papers. I still have some troubles now. And from time to time, when I see that I try with no results, I go to http://paperell.net/buy-college-research-paper where I can choose a professional to buy a college research paper, and I think that it's better than missing a deadline and receiving a low grade. Besides, in such a way, I can also improve my skills because I receive a perfect example of writing and can analyze it.
Those tips are so basic. I've also heard them pretty often from my teachers. but I've never been told something like that in uni. And I'm glad because I can't say that those are "tips".
And I think, that there are no best tips. because for each of us work totally different writing methods and tips.
 
I still remember my middle school teacher bitching because I didn't use alternatives to "said" every single fucking time a character spoke. This was especially dumb because I would interject their emotions, thoughts and body language in detail while using alternatives to said when it was appropriate such as when a character whispered. It was like she needed every single piece of dialogue, even mundane dialogue like "pass the salt", to have a never ending and never repeating alternative to "said" or she would nag me.

Of course it didn't help that I snuck in a fictional character with the last name "Kneegyrs" and had a character say the line "I hate Kneegyrs". I made sure to include it on the day she picked stories to read. I got sent to the principals office but it was the 90s so nothing really happened other then a slap on the wrist.
 
In my opinion, the mistake in this advice is implying that in media res is the only good way to start your opening. Catching the attention of your reader with the opening is not only good, it is mandatory for good writings that sell. Basically all forms of media uses it. But the truth is, there are many ways to captivate your readers outside of in media res. If anything, what should have been taught is that the opening should eatablish what your writing is all about
One of, probably the, most beautiful prose I've read is the opening to Lonesome Dove which is just a very detailed description of a cattle rancher watching the sunset rise while he prepares breakfast.

Capturing a scene with very good prose can be much better than starting in an action scene with shitty prose.
 
From the greatest writer of all time, Garth Marenghi.
 

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More of a grammar thing in general, but my English teacher in high school insisted on the possessive of James being James'

You literally hear the extra S when you say it, shit pisses me off
 
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"NEVER use Double Space font by selecting it in the Paragraph window when formatting, always adjust your essay manually because something something retard college professor speak..."

Bit of a story for this one. This isn't really writing per se, but about essay structure. I'm really hoping this is an isolated incident and nobody has to go through this shit. A professor I had in an American Literature course in college almost a decade ago REALLY fucking hated us selecting "Double Spaced" when formatting our paper in the Paragraph window. According to her, and I shit you not, "Double Spaced" isn't actually double spaced or MLA appropriate because one of the previous iterations of Microsoft Word supposedly increased the spacing of the double space format and according to her we had to format it to her exact specifications, which made the spacing actually smaller than it would be when double spaced. This to her was the TRUE & HONEST double spaced MLA format. It's funny because she couldn't point out which version of Microsoft Word it was when this supposed change went into effect, but she had been having her students do it for "several years".
One student asked for proof, like an example or even which version of Word it was when it changed. All she said, in a smug voice complimenting her obese hexagenerian form was, "Well I can't show you the old Word, we're using Word [13 or 10, can't remember], so you're just going to have to take my word for it." Some did try to get around her retarded demand, but all hope quickly faded when she pulled out a ruler to measure the spacing of our first essay's draft. I would end this by saying I flat out rejected her way of doing things, but I'd be lying. After having to retake the class with a new professor the next semester I got called aside and questioned about that formatting because I should have learned how to format properly in the prerequisite composition course when I first started at that campus.

If anyone can find actual proof that this bitch wasn't delusional I will gladly eat my hat.


"Show, Don't Tell"

It was mentioned earlier in the thread, but goddamn it needs to be mentioned again. I get why it's better to show instead of tell, especially when it comes to more visual mediums like graphic novels, television, film, etc. but sometimes you just have to flat out tell when it comes to literature. I took a creative writing course one semester and I had a pretty decent professor that dolled out some good advice. However, he really hammered the whole Show, Don't Tell rule into us. Like, he didn't want ANY "telling". I ended up producing a work where I bent over backwards to avoid telling anything. I just "showed". In it a character takes a Ritalin-type stimulant, which made him hyperfocused to the point that time flew by faster for him on his drive home. However, I wrote it as him taking a nameless pill and then feeling the effects. And holy fuck did I get absolutely floored by one of his critiques: "How does a pill make time go faster?" He was one of my favorite professors, but...BRUH.


"Don't use vocabulary that is open ended." (No matter the age group you're writing for)

Now this is from a technical writing course I took. We had an exercise where we had to take a visual manual (Ikea furniture instructions, LEGO instructions, etc.) and translate the images into text. I genuinely learned some good advice about "word economy" through this, keeping it clear, concise, and putting down only what is needed for the instructions (I know I probably didn't follow this advice with the first bit up there, but fuck you, this is different). I wound up getting a Mega Bloks instruction manual for mine. Overall I did good, but he got onto me for using "see-through" to describe a translucent brick piece. Because there's a window type piece, it could easily be mistaken for "see-through" because you can technically see through it. I should have used a word like "transparent" according to him. My nigga in Christ, the original manual clearly states the product is for ages 8+, kids don't exactly have an extensive vocabulary at only 8 years old. You're gonna have them going, "Mom, Dad, what does uh...trans...parent mean? Is that what we call uncle Jessie now?"
 
I should have used a word like "transparent" according to him. ...You're gonna have them going, "Mom, Dad, what does uh...trans...parent mean? Is that what we call uncle Jessie now?"
He was actually one step ahead of you on that one. You see, you introduce the word "transparent" as denoting some kind of technical or artistic descriptor—an adjective—before the children can be exposed to any mixing of "trans-" and "parent" to convey a noun the infectious miasma that plagues the modern world would want it to be. The noun "transparent" that you're ultimately jumping to in your conclusion. You have been defeated in the War of The Words and they/them didn't even have to show their/they're face.
 
One on the assignment sheet every time we had a creative writing assignment in school was "no stories about sports or stories that end as a dream".

Sure they're boring, but I don't see why teachers get to dictate a kid's passion or creativity. If the jock in class loves sports, let him write about sports instead of something unnatural he's gonna struggle to make interesting anyway.
 
That "free writing" produces anything.

Literally only true for Jack Kerouac.
I actually strongly disagree, and was about to post 'always use an outline' as one of my shit advice.

There's nothing wrong with just going with the flow. If you've developed good, quality characters, a lot of the time, you can just plonk them into a setting and, metaphorically speaking, watch 'em go. Things can and often will develop naturally, and your writing will be better for it. Using an outline, while it can save your ass if you take an extended break, tends to make you feel locked into a specific structure and timeline, which can lead to you making your characters just drop what they're doing like shitty sims to move onto the next event. Not because it feels natural, but because you have a schedule to keep.

That's not to say it never works, and everyone should just go hog wild, but I'd say any 'always' is shit advice. People work differently.

"Fiction should be meaning and teach the reader lessons and educate and illuminate them."

No, fuck off. Pretend you're my drunken uncle and tell me a story how you and your buddies stole a chopper in The Nam and crashed it and were all so drunk you tried to blame it on a pig.

I don't care how many times people requote this, I'm going to do it again. Especially for fiction writers.

That's not to say you can't write with a moral in mind, as I've had some decent stories come out of that. But for the most part, when I write, it's because I have a cool idea in mind, or a twist on something I've seen, and I want to share it. Done. If my story about werewolves works as an allegory for stray dogs, and that's what you take from it, cool, but I just wanted to tell a cool story about werewolves god damn it.

My own contribution for worst writing advice I've ever gotten is 'never write for yourself, always write for the audience.' Like, I get how this makes sense on paper, but go fuck yourself. For one, if I sit down and write with the pure intention of being sold, it's going to be generic slop, and I'm not going to enjoy it. I know, because I've fucking done it, and while it might still be great on a technical level, it kills my soul to read it, because it's just Twilight but with dragons.

For two, it implies that the only reason you should ever create is with the idea of selling a product, rather than for the love of art. And that's not to say that there's no room for generic slop, gotta pay the bills somehow, but if you're not writing for the love of it, then you need to stop right now, because you're more likely to hit the lotto then make a killing off a book you don't have any passion for.


Meanwhile the best advice I've ever heard is a generic fucking quote, but it really did help me: 'The first draft of everything is shit.'
Don't focus on putting out a perfect work of art when you're writing your first draft, focus on getting it the fuck out of your head. Once it's on paper, you have all the time in the world to refine it into something decent.
Related: 'You're never going to be perfect.' so, know when to say 'this is good' and stop editing.
 
"You shouldn't use government documents in an essay because they are hard to cite in my preferred format."
- midwit English professor
 
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