When it gets right down to it...

[Kamen Rider Black RX]

Maybe someday, Anna will settle down with a nice girl and ask Chris to father a child. Then Anna's beau walks out the door.

 

[rocket]

didn't he just get the hooker because he was afraid of going to jail and dying a virgin? (please no prison rape jokes guys c'mon)

it was always my belief that the hooker thing was basically a bandaid and now he's back on the hunt for companionship

 

[CatParty]

Doesn't he want a china instead of a duck now anyway?

 

[A-№1]

didn't he just get the hooker because he was afraid of going to jail and dying a virgin? (please no prison rape jokes guys c'mon)

I thought it was because he really was afraid of prison rape and wanted to make sure his first time was "special".

And by "special" I mean heterosexual and nominally consensual (and probably also very short and extremely awkward).

it was always my belief that the hooker thing was basically a bandaid and now he's back on the hunt for companionship

I think in his mind successful attractive adults are not virgins, so therefore losing your virginity is required to be a successful, attractive adult and will magically make you into one. And this sort of thinking runs across the board for Chris. Whether its his tomgirlism or being in a relationship or whatever he doesn't understand what it takes to get any of the things he thinks he wants (and is too lazy to do the necessary steps anyways), but he still desires the trappings of what they represent, so he comes up with stupid things like "want woman" shirts and attraction signs. Obviously getting a hooker didn't pan out for him they way he thought it would, so he doesn't see much point in repeating it. The sexual pleasure itself (such as there was of it) is not enough to get him to forgo vidya or healthy mcwraps.

 

[exball]

but the dude seems to think he's in the position to be picky.

Chris definitely wants people to think he's picky, but he isn't picky. His stated standards are not his actual standards (which are all but non-existent).

And can we please stop calling Chris "the dude"? Chris is not the dude.

I called him PooBear a while back, but I don't think it's catchy enough to stick.

He's a fat man who shit's himself. it seems to stick if you catch my meaning.

 

[Cwckifan]

^Excuse me while I fetch the brain bleach

 

[homerbeoulve]

^Excuse me while I fetch the brain bleach

*Hands over a stick of TNT*

How about this one?

 

[Cwckifan]

I'm not sure I actually want an answer to this, but I have to admit to being curious as to what kind of hooker Chris is willing to get. I mean, he actually could get his Britney Spears-lookalike action if he really wanted it... but escorts like that cost major tugboat. More if you're a smelly tranny and they'd rather not touch you. I don't see Chris being able to save up that much cash, nor do I see him knowing how to set up such an encounter. OTOH, Ruckersville is probably full of your $50 crackwhores, but I don't know if Chris the almighty stud would deem one of them "acceptable" to his duck.

And yes, I know he'd bang hambeast, Snorlax, and probably Rika if given half a chance... but the dude seems to think he's in the position to be picky.

So long as they're an inexpensive and white-looking woman, they'll be fine. Perhaps she'll get a little more if she pretends to take interest in him?

 

[JarlaxleBaenre]

didn't he just get the hooker because he was afraid of going to jail and dying a virgin? (please no prison rape jokes guys c'mon)

it was always my belief that the hooker thing was basically a bandaid and now he's back on the hunt for companionship

Chris was going to go on hunger strike in prison. He was afraid he'd die during the strike, and as you say, he didn't want to die a virgin.

 

[Cwckifan]

^Excuse me while I fetch the brain bleach

*MANOS over a stick of TNT*

How about this one?

No good, too much of my sensory systems will be left intact. Thanks, though

didn't he just get the hooker because he was afraid of going to jail and dying a virgin? (please no prison rape jokes guys c'mon)

it was always my belief that the hooker thing was basically a bandaid and now he's back on the hunt for companionship

Chris was going to go on hunger strike in prison. He was afraid he'd die during the strike, and as you say, he didn't want to die a virgin.

Chris seems about as likely to go on a hunger strike, as he does to attend a 'run for the cure' 10k. Besides, there's more than enough sugar-laden crap in the joint to quench even the strongest sweet tooth

 

[homerbeoulve]

Wait, this just hits me.

Will there be any chance that Chris might be under hospital arrest because after all, there are going to be withdrawals and adjustments in case he was destined to be imprisoned for what he did to Snyder a couple of years ago.

 

[Cwckifan]

Almost certainly, although he'll probably be in the hospital as a result of an injury he got from mouthing off to the wrong guy

 

[A-№1]

Chris was going to go on hunger strike in prison. He was afraid he'd die during the strike, and as you say, he didn't want to die a virgin.

I always laugh at Chris threatening a hunger strike.

His idea of a hunger strike will no doubt includes plenty of breaks for healthy mcwraps whenever he gets hungry.

 

[Johnny Bravo]

As others have said, his life is spiraling down at this point. I can't help but think that it's even more depressing for him now that he's in contact with people from his old high school, many of whom may now be married and starting families of their own. It's just another reminder of his failure to succeed.

Chris's ambitions were riding on the success of Sonichu and getting a girlfriend. He's given up on Sonichu and I think he may have given up on finding a girlfriend, too. He managed to lose his virginity as something of a consolation prize, but that turned out to be not all it was cracked up to be. So what's left of his grand plan?

 

[PCA]

I agree with Satoru. Chris has been talking about his past alot and since high school was probably the best years of his life, that is the reason why he is trying to get in touch with so many high school friends these days. It reminds him of when things were better and he had more control in his life. It is pretty sad really. Life goes forward and not backward. You just have to make the best of the present, in hopes of creating a better tomorrow.

 

[Varis]

Chris' bawwwtist mind has formed a set of simple rules in an attempt to comprehend the world around him, except that the rules are completely wrong, and when his actions don't produce the expected result, he, instead of learning and adapting, proceeds to bitch about the world cheating.

His game does not have multiple endings.

 

[CatParty]

As others have said, his life is spiraling down at this point. I can't help but think that it's even more depressing for him now that he's in contact with people from his old high school, many of whom may now be married and starting families of their own. It's just another reminder of his failure to succeed.

Chris's ambitions were riding on the success of Sonichu and getting a girlfriend. He's given up on Sonichu and I think he may have given up on finding a girlfriend, too. He managed to lose his virginity as something of a consolation prize, but that turned out to be not all it was cracked up to be. So what's left of his grand plan?

"at this point"? i think you have to go back to sometime in june 1981

 

[Cwckifan]

Nah, 1995, at the least. Really, he seemed to be a pretty standard child, and (at least past age 12) had a less egocentric worldview

 

[Marvin]

He managed to lose his virginity as something of a consolation prize, but that turned out to be not all it was cracked up to be.

People say something like this a lot, but honestly, Chris was genuinely ecstatic after losing his virginity. It was all he thought about for awhile after the event. Now, the actual problem Chris had with sex wasn't that he didn't find it amazing, he just didn't find it amazing enough to spend money on it regularly.

But yeah, hookers weren't in his original plan anyway.

And yeah, Chris got the hooker because he was afraid of dying because of his hunger strike plan. We all know Chris would fold after 12 hours of starvation, but he seemed to be pretty confident in his ability.

Really, Chris is miserable as shit nowadays, not because he didn't expect losing his virginity to fix everything, but because Barb is hoarding him and he has no social outlets.

 

[QI 541]

Nah, 1995, at the least. Really, he seemed to be a pretty standard child, and (at least past age 12) had a less egocentric worldview

He only seems standard because we don't have enough information about him as a child. And if we take what Chris says seriously, he had some serious issues (having to be restrained, moving to a new school, and something about a babysitter?).