When to write something realistically and when to write romantically?

[wtfNeedSignUp]

I've been reading a book that had two childhood lovers who were separated come into contact a decade later, only to decide to keep apart because they grew too different in the intervening years. It's the kind of conclusion that is undoubtedly realistic but is pretty sour since, at least personally, I like the idea of them rekindling their relationship. It made me think of when those cases fit well and when they fall into the "subverted my expectation" pitfall. Of course it depends on the medium and intended reader, but most media falls on the spectrum between realism and drama. Also I'm not limiting it to only cases of romance, but every event that transpires, with the romance being the much less unlikely result for dramatic effect.

Personally I always prefer conclusions to plot lines to be romantic, while anything beforehand can flipflop depending on the tone.

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

just make them beat the living shit out of each other anime style and then let them have sex.

 

[Lovely Kin]

I prefer a gradual slowburn to anything romantic over flipflopping. When I write, I make sure to keep it realistic and any relationship that forms to be reasonable and realistic, but writing unexpected relationships is also fun. Drama is good as long it's not overdone in my opinion, there can be a reasonable amount of drama before it becomes ridiculous with constant fighting, or soap opera tier drama.

 

[Male Idiot]

The realistic answer would be beating each other after a lot of alcohol and cigarettes. Cyka!

 

[COME ON OUT YOU RAPIST]

I think if most of the beats in a real world relationship were written to page, people would think the characters are inconsistent and/or retarded. You can make anything work if you write it well but this is why most romance stories have very idealized people in them.

 

[BiggestKai]

Spoiler: When to write realistically

When your mind is telling you no.

Spoiler: When to write romantically

BUT YOUR BODY
YOUR BODY

 

[MrTroll]

All my writing is done by ChatGPT now so I just let him make that call.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

Romance is realistic since it happens IRL after all and is in everything you see, it's the fantasy (the imagination) that's makes a whirlwind romance. So when you're writing romantically, you're tapping into that emotional fantasy everyone has but may not be able to express. That's why romcoms are so popular, there's romance in laughter, and fantasy in the slapstick world the characters live in.

 

[The Last Stand]

Define romantic and define realistic. I would say however best fits the tone or story you’re trying to tell.

 

[Harvey Danger]

It could go either way in real life, so I'd say both could work. It then depends on what the story is about, and what it needs to have happen.

I know some writers who say "I write what my characters are telling me and discover the story alongside them". If you're going that loose, then it'll probably be guided by the tone of the rest of the story. The "discover it" style writers are usually more romantic than realistic though.

Personally I think you're never going to be right on the balance line of the decision. One way or the other will feel more satisfying, either as a consummation of the longer love arc, or a catharsis of the character's coming-of-age arc. If you chose one way before hand and you find yourself writing the details, and it feels awkward, then maybe you need to redo it. That applies to other character situations too, if you can do it without messing up your story's overall narrative.

 

[A Very Big Fish]

In your example, I think the 'unrealistic' option would be better, because from context you gave, this just sounds like a story that goes nowhere. You can subvert things and still have a satisfying point.

As an example, in the movie 'The Breakfast Club' they talk about how there is a non-insignificant chance that they're not going to be friends once they're back in school, and dealing with the regular peer pressure, but the point is that they've all learned, grown, and changed over their weekend detention, and irrespective of what happens come Monday, they're all better off for having met each other.

 

[Max Caulfield]

realism is romance for losers, romance is realism for winners

 

[Carlos Thin]

Romance is what happens in your head, so when your characters are reminiscing or imagining a situation. Realism is what actually happens, so when your characters are actually doing something. So if a woman is washing dishes, with no one present, write it realistically. When you have a man who’s in love with her watching her, write it romantically in a “See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand.” sort of way

 

[Kari Kamiya]

So if a woman is washing dishes, with no one present, write it realistically. When you have a man who’s in love with her watching her, write it romantically in a “See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand.” sort of way

More like he's just checking out her ass and occasionally has to remind himself to watch the bubbles float up to her glowing face whenever her head moves.

 

[Carlos Thin]

More like he's just checking out her ass and occasionally has to remind himself to watch the bubbles float up to her glowing face whenever her head moves.

That is realism. A contrast between the two makes for good comedy.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I've been reading a book that had two childhood lovers who were separated come into contact a decade later, only to decide to keep apart because they grew too different in the intervening years. It's the kind of conclusion that is undoubtedly realistic but is pretty sour since, at least personally, I like the idea of them rekindling their relationship. It made me think of when those cases fit well and when they fall into the "subverted my expectation" pitfall. Of course it depends on the medium and intended reader, but most media falls on the spectrum between realism and drama. Also I'm not limiting it to only cases of romance, but every event that transpires, with the romance being the much less unlikely result for dramatic effect.

Fucking love this trope. Two kids are friends; they leave their hometown to give real life a shot, fail one way or another, and return home to (re?)kindle a romance. Realistic? Sorta. If you truly fall through in life and have no other prospects but to hit up old classmates, it seems realistic that you may end up meeting a person in the exact same spot. Adult and experienced in life, but without any social circles and thus having the time available to entertain this one unique relationship that may end up romantic. And obviously it happens. Hell, a new coworker just said she spit with her man after 12 years, started chatting up an old childhood friend and now they're dating.

On the topic of sour realism? I love it even more. The Tartar Steppe is about a dude being stationed in the mountains for decades and at one point he returns to his hometown, meeting his old friends who all moved on but also his friend's sister who is for some reason still waiting for him (sorta). He thinks up all these quirky things to tease her with, clearly able to win her over, but he simply does the whole "ah.. oh? yeah.. haha". So much time has passed, they simply lost their chance. They are one sentence away from ending up together, but the reality is that they aren't fit anymore. They've not grown further apart by having each their own lives, but they've grown distant by time simply passing. A bud left withering past reparations.

I watched a generic netflix coming-of-age story in which a guy dates a girl, nukes go off, they run to nuclear bunkers, but obviously he gets split up with his girl. They meet later in the post-apoc world, both of them single and tethering on the idea of getting back together, but even with her having no secondary romantic interest, they simply decided that too much time has passed and it won't work out. Why? Time, simply. Being one sentence away from flipping your life upside-down for the better is my favorite trope to hate, and Normal People, both the book and the series (which is fucking great) is the epitome of this. Two people who have been banging since teenagers constantly fucking over their obvious chemistry because they rather self-harm by fucking it up over and over. And they keep meeting, and they always ignore everyone else in favor of each other, again and again, and they just never act on it. It hurts so good.