Who is/was the first lolcow?

[Luminous47]

I’m curious on who the first lolcow on the internet was, where there any beforenChris-chan or any early ones as bad as him? Who were the first lolcows?

 

[Boobie Bomb]

I’m curious on who the first lolcow on the internet was, where there any beforenChris-chan or any early ones as bad as him? Who were the first lolcows?

Ted Bundy

 

[Darksy DePhil]

Internet-wise, the earliest one i can think of is Gene Ray/Time Cube, from 1997

 

[Jason Wynn]

Job from the Bible

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

The first human to try cow's milk. There's no way it didn't involve sucking on the udders. They were an innovator, but still a lolcow.

 

[FuckedUp]

Come my lady
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Such a sexy, sexy pretty little thing
Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring
And I ain't gonna lie 'cause your loving gets me high
So to keep you by my side there's nothing that I won't try
Butterflies in her eyes and looks to kill
Time is passing I'm asking could this be real
'Cause I can't sleep I can't hold still
The only thing I really know is she got sex appeal
I can feel too much is never enough
You're always there to lift me up
When these times get rough I was lost, now I'm found
Ever since you've been around
You're the women that I want
So yo, I'm putting it down
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
I don't deserve you unless it's some kind of hidden message
To show me life is precious
Then I guess it's true
But to tell truth, I really never knew
Til I met you. See I was lost and confused
Twisted and used up
Knew a better life existed but thought that I missed it
My lifestyle's wild I was living like a wild child
Trapped on a short leash paroled the police files
So yo, what's happening now?
I see the sun breaking down into dark clouds
And a vision of you standing out in a crowd
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly
Sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
Hey sugar momma, come and dance with me
The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me
Whatever tickles your fancy
Girl it's you like Sid and Nancy
So sexy, almost evil talkin' about butterflies in my head
I used to think happy endings were only in the books I read but
You made me feel alive when I was almost dead
You filled that empty space with the love I used to chase
And as far as I can see it don't get better than this
So butterfly, here is a song and it's sealed with a kiss
And a thank you miss
Come and dance with me
Come and dance with me
Come and dance with me
So come and dance with me
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
Come come my lady
You're my butterfly, sugar baby
Come my lady you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake
You make me go crazy
Come and dance with me

 

[StutterBox]

Job from the Bible

God sure milked that cow too. Came here to suggest Eve.

 

[Syaoran Li]

If we're talking strictly internet lolcows?

I'd say Jack Chick was probably the first major lolcow who was really prolific and he's notable for being a major source of mockery in both the Web 1.0 and Web 1.5 eras. Hell, even into the Web 2.0 era, he was still putting out lulzy tracts and triggering the euphorics as well.

Best part is that unlike Westboro Baptist Church or Jack Thompson, he wasn't a grifter nor was he involved in lolsuits constantly. Chick was pretty much a batshit loony but ultimately harmless old geezer and a total recluse.

 

[XYZpdq]

strict internet probably timecube dude
greater existence maybe Emperor Norton?